The Truth About Disabled Dating Sites

I learned a few valuable lessons from the disabled dating site I belong to. And I wanted to post to warn others of what's going on with them.

The disabled dating sites are infested with scammers who prey on the disabled and with woman haters who only want cybersex, often with every perversion imaginable and many you never even knew about. And what you find is, the very same ones that abuse, they have the same accounts on other disabled dating sites, as well, or with the same pic but another name.

The woman haters will lie, tell you they want a real relationship, and say anything to get cybersex out of you. And whether or not you comply, they just get more abusive. They put you down, they play mind games. Eventually, they dump you and claim it's all your fault for whatever reason they pick. I even had a few bash my religion, which makes me mad to no end. I don't talk about my religion unless asked, but it is clearly listed in my profile. And usually what they do is lead you on for a few weeks and then they'll tell you they would never date a Wiccan and dump you. But the truth is, it wouldn't matter what religion. They never wanted a real relationship, they just lied to see what they could get out of you. They'll use any handy excuse to dump you, your weight, anything. And they usually end it with, if I ever hear from you again, I'll call the police. When in fact, you should be the one reporting them.

When you do report anything to the admin of a disabled dating site, if it happened offsite, they won't do a thing about it. Their policy is, once you go offsite, people are free to abuse you in any way they choose. Therefore, going offsite with someone you met off there is a very bad idea. And they will push for it. They often lie and say they are having trouble with the site's chat feature or message feature, and try to get you off there fast. And they try to get contact info fast. Do not give your primary email address, do not give your website, don't give anything because they will use it to get your home address info if they can. I met alot of women who told me these creeps looked up their phone numbers and stuff without their permission.

Make sure to put the wrong state and city in your profile, or you will find a hundred weirdos all claiming to have a map and that they are in the area and can't wait to see you. Creepy, stalker activity, scary. Nearly every guy I met on there just happens to be going my way or claims to have just moved near by. Yeah, right. At first, I only had the wrong town listed, but when they got creepier, I changed both the city and state.

The scammers are usually foreign, but claim to be from the US or whatever country you live in. Then they'll send you a yahoo email address from another country. They are usually easy to spot. They send you the email address in their very first message to you. How low is it to prey on the disabled? It's beyond disgusting.

Beware of the "one foot in the grave" people. The ones who tell you they just got out of a hospital for kidney, liver, cancer whatever. Why do they want to meet you? Probably for a free caretaker, or some other money scam. Or they don't want to die alone and want to put you through that horror.

Be wary of the "newly disabled" ones, too. They are in no shape to be meeting someone. They haven't even dealt with their own disability yet and are often in denial stages of it. Some are actually disabled haters and start on you about how you should be out doing things and not on disability.

Then there are the "fixers". Fixers think they can fix you. Or that they can push you to do things you can't do. It's not just you, they think they can fix every disabled person on the planet. Better to just stay away from them.

I did meet a few real people, but they were either too disabled for me because I'm not well enough to care for someone who is in a wheelchair or worse. Or there were other factors where I didn't feel we had enough in common for something to really work. But the percentage of real people to scammers and haters and weirdos, is very, very low. Like one percent real. And you'll get more than a hundred responses from the fakes before you ever see a real one.

If you choose to use a disabled dating site, just know what you are getting into. Treat the site like a real life club full of people. As long as you are within the walls of the club and around the crowd, you are safe. As soon as you leave the club to go to MSN or a website or whatever, you are no longer safe. And they will prey on you.

Other things I learned, they all lie on the profile. That guy is NOT a pilot. He doesn't own his own business. And most likely if he has a business listed, he really just cleans the toilets there. If they just list depression/anxiety, they really mean about five different mental conditions, most of which they need meds for and often relapse, either hearing voices, or full of rage that they can't wait to take out on you. There are alot of things they never disclose till you start to talk to them. Never believe a word on the profile. Also, half the hobbies they have listed, they have no interest in and refuse to discuss. And don't just believe their pictures, half the time, it's not even a pic of them, it's their brother or someone else. Try getting them on an MSN video chat and you'll catch them with it. They don't look like those pics.

I wasn't aware of all this till I really started to make an effort to meet someone off the site. And believe me, it's more than a jungle out there. You have to be really, really careful. You would think the disabled dating sites would be safer. But the truth is, they are a huge magnet for the scammers and the sickos. They think disabled woman are easy prey, a captive audience. The foreign scammers think disabled women are rich. You really have to know what's out there before you go into these sites.

I currently only belong to one, but I checked out half a dozen of them and each site has the same creeps. It was amazing to see some of the same ones I talked to on different sites, trolling for their next victims. I hope this post helps others who are considering trying some of these disabled dating sites. Be very careful.

Comments

holy "bleeping bleep"!!!!!!!! that is a true nightmare. thanks for the heads up. that is atrocious. (spelling?) i have been looking into online dating (regular, not disabled) and i am heavy, so i am looking for a cute nice heavy (or not) guy. none of the thin guys will date an overweight woman. fair enough, I figure. but I noticed there are very very few overweight men. and most of the overweight men said they also would not date a heavy woman. greeeeeaaattt.
 
You can try some of the BBW dating sites, those are sites where the men actually want overweight women, but you still have to be very, very careful of scammers. They will look to take you for everything you have. And the most common thing is, your very first date they will claim they "forgot their wallet". They get the free meal out of you if you choose to pay, then you never see them again, or they think they have a sugar momma. And you will still run into the sex pervs. They don't just want cyber, they want freaky weird stuff. You have to be really, really careful.
 
Coming from a guy...this is what I tell my women friends who are doing on-line dating. Don't ever meet a guy for dinner on a first date! Captive audience for an hour = bad news. Go for tea/cofeee. If after 5 minutes, it's clear the guy is a f*^# - head, get up and leave. "Sorry, nice meeting you, but I don't think this is going to work." I know online dating is tough, but there's things you can do to make it easier...
I know, I know, this is unsolicited advice. It's just what I would tell my friends, and I couldn't help myself.
 
Hi :) .. i have my own rules i use on dating sites. These being

1/ I never communicate out of the site unless i truely get to know a person first (that is after i've been chatting to someone regularly for at least a couple of months. Till then, they dont go on any of my messengers, nor do they get my email address.
2/ I never cybersex
3/ I refuse to show them a picture of myself for at least 2-3 mths (usually longer). (This helps stop the weirdos out there from using my image to fantasize over and i want someone to like me for who i am, not what I look like.

All this stops the freaks who will then usually put me into the too hard basket.
...........

All that being said.. things can still go very very wrong when it comes to meeting ones online. Ive had two very bad experiences even following my rules.

This guy i dated online for 5?mths and was going to move from Australia to Canada for him. A female friend of mine from online had introduced us and he seemed decent. I got a passport done for it and was going about trying to get other necessarily things to move to Canada. When suddenly he dumped me!!! (I think it was the day after i got the passport he was insisting i get).

The second guy.. I met online in a similar interest site which also was like a dating place. I was after someone "old" as i believed I then wouldnt be burdening down a younger person when i was housebound. Anyway, I got to know this guy in his 70s who had congestive heart failure and diabetes (figured we would have similar energy level). We dated online for a time but then broke up (i cant now remember why but he called it off).

I got with 2 other guys who were friends (im poly so they were sharing me) and i was happy.. but then this other one (the heart failure/diabetes one) started wanting me back and was begging and pleading with me to come back to him and told me he was dying!! and only had 1-2 yrs left at the most. I stupidly believed him.

So i left the guys i was happy with and got back with him as i felt sorry for him and he was my online friend. I then some time afterwards brought plane ticket to which he'd previously told me he'd pay half, to fly over to New Zealand to be with him due to how sick he was saying he was and him saying he wanted a serious relationship with me. As soon as i brought the plane ticket, he decided he didnt want to be with me as he suddenly decided I was too sick to be with him... he implied that it was just all a fantasy he had. (He didnt end up paying any for the plane tickets).

I ended up I went over there anyway as i was distraught he'd called relationship off.. only to find that he was no where near as sick as he'd made out to be (yeah he was quite sick.. but he was well enough to go out 3 nights a week to hang out with mates etc where i was in a wheelchair at times if i wanted to go out).

It sucked as I had by then lost the happy relationship I had had with the other two guys who i really liked and which had seemed to perfect for me (they were local to me, so i started to develop physical relationships with them both before this online guy had talked me into getting back with him, they were so great about the CFS etc and helped me out a lot so had i stayed in that relationship.. it may of really worked.).
 
They always dump you right before things get real. And they do like to build up a fantasy in some sick sort of way.

My last boyfriend from the real world, I met online at a movie site. We wrote for a year and a half before we decided to meet. We were about the same age, so we had alot in common with stuff we grew up with and liked.

Unfortunately, he had his own baggage. Some woman had done him wrong and I was never able to get him past it. And he was on some kind of psych med that would often keep him from having any real emotions. We dated for about a year, he refused to ever call me his girlfriend or make any kind of formal commitment to me. And right before that Xmas, he made sure to dump me very badly. He really led me on, though. He used to send flowers to my house, he really made me believe we had something. Right before that Xmas, he told me he was going back to school for more training for his job and that he did not want to have a relationship with me. Those were his exact words. And I was like, what do you think we've had for the last few years, right. I don't know what his problem was. But it was pretty rotten to do to someone and before the holiday, to make it all that much worse. But that relationship came off the net, just not off a dating site.
 
I had other bad experiences from men I met off the net, back in the 90's. I had one that had me convinced he was in love with me and that we were engaged. He actually proposed to me online. Turned out, he was musical theater gay, literally, and was just trying to see if he could be straight. Total disaster.

I had another one in the 90's off the net who sent the wrong picture. Didn't look anything like the pic, looked a good ten to fifteen years older than he claimed to be. And kept trying to lure me away from the safety of family and friends. He was a creepy guy. So that didn't work.

Blind dates are just as bad. I had one blind date when I was about seventeen years old, I got date raped. And then I had a blind date in the 90's who just plain hated me. I would never let someone else fix me up again, ever.
 
After reading all of this, it makes me really happy I have no desire to date. My mom made a really good point to just try and cultivate relationships with my female friends and not worry about men. Who needs it...literally. Whether you are on the internet or in real life, there are so many creeps. I think what's out there over 34 is the left overs. Psych problems, issues galore, tempers, scammers and a lot of sick people. I know there are good people too, but I have not meant any recently.

But you also have to be careful. I would never want to meet someone without seeing their picture, nor would I fly to another state to take care of someone if they were sick. We are vulnerable and people feed off of that.

With all of these negative experiences, why keep trying in the same effort? I have them too. It will happen when it's supposed to and that means, when you open a door to get a package from the mail man, when you are in a store, who knows!! But to me, to put yourself out there and I mean it truly sounds awful and I know it cause I have done it.....why?

Being alone isn't the worst thing and if you have some good friends and at least one person who truly loves you...that is all that you need.

It will happen when it happens.

I have always thought that disabled sites were the worst and if you read books like The Gift of Fear, he talks about how abusive men seek out chronically ill women and what better way then to have a vulnerable person on a disabled site.

Every guy and I do mean every guy I dated from online sites was AWFUL. Not one was normal. Match.com. I went out with a guy who told me on the first date that I looked like a girl that liked to *&^%.

I dated another guy who told me on the first date that he had OCD and was bipolar and it was time to take his meds. OH KAY. Well, he was really cute. And I was really....lonely and wanting some love. I decided to have some alone time with him and he was the biggest narcissistic pig wanting me to exploit myself. Telling me to put on high heels and dance for him. He was sick and that was it. It was a one time deal. The only regret I have is, on a physical level it was great, but the mental bullshit that came with it....DUDE...KEEP ON WALKING.

Another guy kept canceling our dates when he realized it was the night of sports. Literally, 30 minutes before the date. Also, another guy who was so into me and vice versa who texted me every morning and then after 3 months, I never heard from him again. I called, I emailed. The hint he gave to me..."my ex girlfriend called me." that was the last time I talked to him. Guys, many of them, are on there for sex. That is the honest truth. I think E harmony may be better, but you know what....NO THANKS. I am going to watch a movie and paint my toenails.

NO FREAKING THANKS!!
 
I agree that if it's meant to be, it will happen, and if it's not, it won't.

I have a distant relative who met his wife simply because she asked him for directions. I have an older distant relative who didn't get married until she was in her sixties. She met someone at a senior center and that was it. It's really true that you just never know.

They are all pervs on the net. My last real life boyfriend was a perv, but he was so funny with it that I couldn't stop laughing. He had a thing for dressing up like Rocky Horror with the clothes. He made sex fun, so it wasn't a problem for me. But that kind of tame thing is rare. All the creeps on the net are into weird stuff.

And any guy that puts sports or his entire life in front of you is no good. I've had a few of those. When that game comes on or that best friend calls, you might as well be dead.

Sometimes, alone is better. Not always, but a good majority of the time.
 
woooowww. !!!!! good advice firefly and tania and spitfire! eons ago before cfs and a huge weight gaiin, and i was much younger (20's) i had various boyfriends who were truly "the good guys". but the single guys now all seem like freaks! hey man, our only hope is to be happy single (like spit said) and/or to also keep our fingers crossed for a fresh crop of the "good ones" to get divorced!!!! not wanting anyones marriage to break up, but the truth is that half of all marriages (in the us at least) do end in divorce.

i have a funny and pathetic online dating story from a while back. i met a nice, educated, nice looking dude thru match. we emailed a bit and then suddenly he sent a pic of his naked a$$. !!! I got cyber-mooned! ewwwww! freaks!

there should be a cfs dating website--- but that wouldnt work out too good for women, since the ratio is so high in women. well it would be great for the men though.

my shrink thinks i should try to date older men. but i am soooo not into that.


ahhhhh!
 
Carrigon;bt2581 said:
I had other bad experiences from men I met off the net, back in the 90's. I had one that had me convinced he was in love with me and that we were engaged. He actually proposed to me online. Turned out, he was musical theater gay, literally, and was just trying to see if he could be straight. Total disaster.
Ohh You can tell as many horror stories about guys as I can. Ive been lucky about gay guys thou, Ive never had that one happen!

I did get dumped once on the day before my birthday (that was my first love).. Your christmas dumping made me think of that.

And as far as creepy ones go. I once connected a guy who advertised for a girlfriend (newpaper connections) and he showed up and was scarey. I did meet him not at my home but in a cafe but it was still scary, He arrived smelling of wine and booze and was a bit drunk... and when i walked past his car, a van, He had like a huge butchers knife sticking out from under a blanket which I could see in the back. I had a nightmare time getting away and making up excuses for him not to take me home as I'd walked to the cafe to meet him.

The guy Im with now, Im unsure of my relationship and dont know if he's using me or not. He does some weird things eg likes a lot of secrecy so Im wondering what he's trying to hide eg we are meant to be having a serious relationship but he wont put me onto his profile so he remains single at sites he hangs out in. (I nearly dumped him this morning as I dont know if he's playing with my head or not).

best luck finding a good one.
 
bigmama2;bt2589 said:
i have a funny and pathetic online dating story from a while back. i met a nice, educated, nice looking dude thru match. we emailed a bit and then suddenly he sent a pic of his naked a$$. !!! I got cyber-mooned! ewwwww! freaks!

there should be a cfs dating website--- but that wouldnt work out too good for women, since the ratio is so high in women. well it would be great for the men though.
LOL @ your CFS dating site comment, Yeah the guys would love that, they'd be in heaven.. 3 girls for every guy.

Im almost laughing at the cyber mooned. I had what seemed to be a nice guy I met online one time and we started to become friends. Then one day I open a email from him and there is a close up of his cock sitting on a keyboard. He instantly ended up on my block list.

Ive had thou a lot of horror guys in real life too.. one which lead me on and who i got my sister work with.. ended up two timing me with my own younger sister.

Sometimes I wonder why i bother with guys. The thing is, Im terrified of ending up homebound or worst again and just wouldnt survive that loniness without someone in my life.
 
I just had a guy message me from there. Told me he "doesn't know" if he's in a relationship, but he's been seeing someone for awhile. And I just put him on block. If you don't know if you're in a relationship, but you're seeing someone, that means you are looking to play the field. These men are so gross.
 
Beware of the "one foot in the grave" people. The ones who tell you they just got out of a hospital for kidney, liver, cancer whatever. Why do they want to meet you? Probably for a free caretaker, or some other money scam.
[Bolding mine - Sean]

Just had a elderly relative deal with exactly this kind of guy, and she met him via a dating site (non-disabled one though). What a dishonest, scamming, head case. Fortunately we have legal expertise in our family so he was headed off pretty quickly.

I have looked at dating sites, normal and disabled, and for a bunch of good reasons, perhaps including growing up in the pre-internet era, it just ain't for me.

I don't like being single, middle aged, with no history of relationships, and frankly a minimal and decreasing prospect of them. But it is still better than than going through all that nonsense and heartache. Just getting too old for it now, and I can't afford it anymore, in any sense, especially emotionally. Rather just be with friends or family for my social contact.
 
My experience with a disabled dating site was not got good. sA guy told me he was a widow......turned out he was married.....it happened around the time my mum got sick and died. He decided to tell me the truth before Mum died and I ended it pronto. The worst thing was he said his wife had died in a car crash......so of course I was sympthetic. After Mum died I had bad relapse making communication with anyone difficult and I am just getting back into trying to socialise more on line.
 

Blog entry information

Author
Carrigon
Views
842
Comments
15
Last update

More entries in User Blogs

More entries from Carrigon