The Long Awaited Retirement of Victoria's Bed

It was a Great Day Today!

(did you get that?)

(my bank account got a nice injection of $$$ :victory:).

This will be one of my briefest Blogs you'll be pleased to know.

Most of the older members will know that I'm really good at the Longest Blog in the World. I ramble on till "the Cows come Home". And members who live in the country or on farms will know how long it takes for cows to amble contentedly to the milking shed at dusk.

I've been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize many times for my Literature - well, the length of my literature, not the content.

I was looking forward to a quiet, meditative type of day today. Yesterday was wardrobe sorting & re-organizing day (alright, I was feeling energetic, but didn't want to stray far from my bed :D).

I love my bed, but at 19 years old, it's getting a litle long in the tooth & needs to be put out to pasture. I still love it anyway. I'm sure those of you who are bed-bound may wonder what I see in it. If you've spent 15-20 years residing within chilly, cold or itchy sheets & played fistocuffs with your favourite teddy bear (or partner), you're probably fed up to the teeth with the whole idea of lying in bed. I mean to say, just how much can you do in a bed.

You can pound the pillows (if you've got the strength). You can plump up the pillows (if the Dog or Cat hasn't had trampolining lessons & deflated them). You can pile up the pillows (unless most of them are under your knees to give you lumbar support).

You can cry into the pillows when you're pissed off with life (unless you've done that so many times, the pillows have gone mouldy & your MCS has demanded you send them to the local Trash & Treasure church fete) .

But let's face it. A Pillow is a Pillow.

But a BED, well, you can do all sorts of things in a bed (all right, I won't get into what I do in my bed LOL). Let me just say though, that my Bed has given good service over the years. I've held parties in that Bed. I've dreamt dreams that would have the Hollywood producers racing to my front door to get the screenplay rights (for the dreams & fantasies which filled the nights in that Bed).

On the other hand, you've heard of the Worst Affair held in that Bed.

You know Pain & I shared that bed for 29 1/2 years. It was the most tumultuous affair in my life. And that damn Pain had a good time assaulting me in the early hours every morning.

Every time I nodded off, Pain would rise up to the challenge & punch my lumbar back & right hip with his bare fists. Then he'd roll me over & punch the other hip (just for good measure). Some nights he'd give the back & hips a light fondling, but then sit on my right foot, with all his weight until it was completely numb. And whole leg was numb under his weight & I thought I'd have to call 000 for an emergency injection of life.

Well, I've had enough.

I wanted a divorce.


I checked out the other applicants for the up & coming retirement of my bed, last Wednesday in the city (after my acupuncture appointment). The "stick as many acupuncture needles into my back & hip as you can fit" session last Wednesday, was specifically for my lumbar & right hip pain. Chased the lumbar pain away, but missed the hip pain completely.

So while I was lumbar pain free, I thought I'd try out the applicants for the new position which was becoming vacant.

I believe in Try Before you Buy (so I DID).

I curled up in a foetal position on the first bed in the store. I lay flat & ramrod stiff on the second applicant (just in case I ever had the good fortune to sleep ramrod stiff). I played Bouncy Castles (when the bedding department Consultant wasn't looking) on the third applicant. I was going to do my Roll, Spring & Swirl dance routine, I normally perform to get out of bed, but that very nice Gentleman Bedding Consultant turned towards me at the last minute and I had to be content with the normal Rise & Shine Irish dance - hands to the side, routine from Riverdance.

That very nice Gentleman offered me 40% off.

I had some money in the bank, but was still waiting for the funds injection before offering the bed applicant the position.

So tomorrow after my pincushion session, I've decided to offer the up & coming "bed vacant" position to the very nice, kind Gentleman offer.
(that is, if he's still willing to give me the 40% discount deal).

In fact, it's the best deal any Man has offered me in quite some time :D


You are such a good writer and I love your blogs. I look forward to them. I love the ending about a man and I totally get it! I love my bed too. Love it. I work in it at times, watch tv and it serves as a shelf for some of my clothes!!
Ha! You are a good writer, Vicki, and never fail to get a laugh out of me. Congrats on the new bed (I hope the offer still holds). Just in case the "Gentleman" tries to weasel out of it, I have full confidence in your feminine wiles to convince him to provide at LEAST the 40% discount.:D
I'm glad the piece entertained you both, but on a serious note, I have been having problems for some time (in that bed & bedroom).

But as I don't have to get up for work, I can rest more & am starting to feel much more rested & energetic during the day time.

When I tried those beds out last Wednesday, it made me realise that my 19 yr old very, very expensive chiropractic bed has had it's day. The very first bed I tried (very expensive) really cushioned my painful hip (but did give excellent support to the rest of my body).

I couldn't believe how it "softened" my hip pain. It was amazing.

I spring cleaned & removed everything in my bedroom (literally) & left only the bed, bedside table, a small bedroom chair. I've scrubbed the faint dusting of mould on the windows & windowsill. I've vacuumed every square inch 3 times over. Ditched the old doona/quilt.

I'm still waking up with sore throat, eye pain & glugginess in my eyes (like conjunctivitis, but not present during the daytime).

I washed the terylene curtains yesterday & they disintegrated. Rotten through from the sun, I guess. They belong to the rented flat. I'll have to buy more today as people walking past can see into my bedroom when my roller blind is up (during the daytime). I have a habit of sleeping el nudo in the summer heat (on top of the bed).

I would die of embarrassment if the roller blind suddenly sprung up in the middle of the night & all tenants walking to work could see me stretched out naked in the early morning, so MUST get curtains today. Thank goodness I've got some money in the bank (not always the case).

I am allergic to mould.

My bed got really damp last winter (it's head is against the outer wall) & the only other thing I can think of is, the bed must have mould spores in that end.

So apart from the pain which wakes me at night, I need a new bed which is "clean".

I've been washing my sheets in an organic washing liquid. I washed & dried the spare light doona in organic washing liquid yesterday.

My eyes aren't so bad this morning, so that spare doona must be "clean" now.

My MCS is mainly certain strongly scented flowers, any strong cleaning chemicals, perfumes/deodorants/incense, car fumes & cigarette smoke & MOULD!

But I have a good "nose" for smells. If any of those new beds caused a problem with the fabric/frame etc, I think I would have sensed it straight away.

Clinical trials have shown that if you deprive a normal, healthy person of sleep for 3 days, they start to develop the pain & symptoms of Fibromyalgia.

Sleep (or lack thereof) is one of my major health problems.

You will all be pleased to know that since stopping work & spending as much of my day in R & R, my symptoms are starting to improve.

My high BP (despite meds) is significantly lower - 95% of the time it is normal now (as long as I don't rush around or get stressed).

Each day of semi-retirement brings healing - mentally & physically. I know I will never be pain-free (mainly my lumbar spine), but I can see definite improvement since I stopped full-time work.
Funny. I just parted with the 16-year-old bed that I had shared with my late husband, two dogs, and a cat. It's hard to let go of something with so much history, but hip and back pain finally drove me to it. The new bed is wonderful! I feel kind of silly for having waited so long. I hope you enjoy yours just as much.
Vicki, nice to hear you sounding cheerful! I like the idea of your new bed AND the acupuncture, hope the combination will give you good sleep and help you dump that old misery boyfriend, Pain. btw, I also lie on the bed starkers in summer, but in situations where people might come by I find a light sarong is almost as good.
I had to read your blog again. You are in my top favorites because you sound so upbeat and I love that. I love your picture too. Smile and hope shine from you. I had my bed for 18 years and bought a new one. A cheap one from a SLEEPYS which is big in the states. I was so sick from it. The chemicals off gassed and made me have tremors and I slept on it one night. After that, I was sick as a dog and had to get rid of it. They would not take it back. I went to an allergy free living mattress place and they sold me a queen bed that was organic and made of cotton. They brought down the price because it was the floor model but I didn't care. They knew I was desperate and wanted to accommodate me. I will go back when I need a new mattress. They actually drove to my home to make sure it would fit before I bought it. THAT IS GOOD SERVICE. I have learned that a good bed, albeit expensive, is worth the investment. Being ill, we spend most of our lives in bed. I do anyway.

Thanks Victoria for making me smile. IT's hard for me these days so it means a lot! : );)
That photo of me is 18 years old now, I'm afraid. The only decent photo I could find.

Chronic pain & fatigue has not been kind to me.

My hair is grey, sparse & falling out a lot. I look very hagged & worn now.

I always looked 7-8 years younger before, now I look my age (well & truly).

BUT, this week my hagged look is definitely starting to soften. Can't wear eye make-up because of my sore eyes - not a good look for someone as fair as me.

I think, in fact, I know, I am happier. Had dinner out with my brother tonight & I actually enjoyed it - wasn't exhausted at all. Haven't been out at night on a week night for years - always too tired.

Things are looking up.

(& hopefully, they will look up even more as the weeks go by).

Sorry to hear about your bed & MCS experience. I'm hoping a new bed won't set mine off. The bed in the shop was fine, but of course that was not a new bed, it was probably in the store for many months. Whatever the case, I've already got very sore eyes & throat every morning, so keep your fingers crossed.

Ordered my new bed this afternoon & it will be delivered Friday next week.

I ended up changing my mind & ordering the expensive bed - it had better last me the rest of my life (is all I can say :ashamed:).

Bought the new curtains & hung them to see what they're like in length & when I got home from dinner, I could "smell" them, so just put them in the wash with organic, non-perfumed laundry liquid to wash out the "newness".
Oh Victoria, I love your posts. I am so happy to hear of your deserved and I hope it helps you feel better.
Enjoy that new bed!!!!! Why the he__ do we hang on to old mattreses for so long???? Marian
we hang onto old mattresses for so long, because we love what feels familar.
(& a good bed is more enjoyable than a good bit of s.....

steak! :D
You sound really good. One positive result for us of your retirement is we can read your blogs. As always it was both entertaining - fun to read - and it hits home. Good luck with that bed!

Blog entry information

Read time
4 min read
Last update

More entries in User Blogs

More entries from Victoria