I saw an episode of Sherlock the other day, the new ones with Benedict Cumberbach. The villain said that he wanted to talk to his daughter and co-workers but had set it up so that they received a drug and in an hour they would forget the entire situation. He could confess and feel the relief that accompanied it but keep his relationships unchanged by the weight of his words.
I know exactly what he meant. I want to tell my friends exactly how I feel but after the conversation it all seems a bit pointless at best and harmful to our friendship at worst.
My vent to the sky is this:
I'm sick of being ill.
I had strep throat before Christmas, a cold/flu bug 2 weeks later, on Tuesday I fell down the stairs and damaged some soft tissue in my ribs, pulled a tendon in my foot and bruised my arm. Last night I had nausea and diarrhoea. Today was my first day back to work and I had to leave after an hour due to stomach pains and nausea.
When you are in utter disbelief that you could have such bad luck/bad health, how are your friends/colleagues supposed to understand? I know that this is my issue. I want them to understand in a way they may never be able to. Which is not their fault.
For the first time in such a long time I feel genuine grief over the loss of my 'normal' life.
The unanswerable questions in my head: Am I ill with something new or is it still the cold/flu bug? If I can't go back to work tomorrow what will happen? Can/will my Dr back date a sick note if the worst happens? Can I keep going like this and still have a job? I work 4 days now, would reducing more help? Can we afford it? Should I look for a new job? Who would take me with my sick record? Work from home? As what? I want to be a freelance writer how do I get my foot in the door?
I wish I could discuss this with my friends without them thinking I'm complaining/going on about my health again/looking for sympathy/comparing my illness to theirs. I wish I could let rip and tell them everything I normally hide under a smile and 'I'm fine'. But then I wish they would forget the whole thing so they don't try to give me solutions/advice.
Today, I feel like talk is cheap but writing is quite cathartic.
I know exactly what he meant. I want to tell my friends exactly how I feel but after the conversation it all seems a bit pointless at best and harmful to our friendship at worst.
My vent to the sky is this:
I'm sick of being ill.
I had strep throat before Christmas, a cold/flu bug 2 weeks later, on Tuesday I fell down the stairs and damaged some soft tissue in my ribs, pulled a tendon in my foot and bruised my arm. Last night I had nausea and diarrhoea. Today was my first day back to work and I had to leave after an hour due to stomach pains and nausea.
When you are in utter disbelief that you could have such bad luck/bad health, how are your friends/colleagues supposed to understand? I know that this is my issue. I want them to understand in a way they may never be able to. Which is not their fault.
For the first time in such a long time I feel genuine grief over the loss of my 'normal' life.
The unanswerable questions in my head: Am I ill with something new or is it still the cold/flu bug? If I can't go back to work tomorrow what will happen? Can/will my Dr back date a sick note if the worst happens? Can I keep going like this and still have a job? I work 4 days now, would reducing more help? Can we afford it? Should I look for a new job? Who would take me with my sick record? Work from home? As what? I want to be a freelance writer how do I get my foot in the door?
I wish I could discuss this with my friends without them thinking I'm complaining/going on about my health again/looking for sympathy/comparing my illness to theirs. I wish I could let rip and tell them everything I normally hide under a smile and 'I'm fine'. But then I wish they would forget the whole thing so they don't try to give me solutions/advice.
Today, I feel like talk is cheap but writing is quite cathartic.