Small Stresses that Seem Big

Maybe because I don't feel good most of the time, regular everyday things just seem to be that much worse and more stressful for me.

I feel like I'm having the week from hell.

Saturday, I went out with my friend and when I came home, someone was having a big party in the room next to where we keep the shopping carts. Well, some of the party guests, who do not live in our building, made sure to not move out of my way to get the cart, but I did manage to get one. But when I brought it back, these guests were clustered in the hall and wouldn't let me pass without deliberately making me squeeze in between them. And then one said to the other one, Did she run over your foot, and of course I didn't, and that one said no. But the guy acted like he was going to kick me. It was awful. I felt very bullied. They were all about twenty, maybe younger. Just lowlifes that don't live here and only came for that party. So it's not something that usually goes on here. Once a year, they do some big birthday party for one of the people in here, I remember it from last year. Next time, I'm not coming downstairs when they do it. They reserve one room for it, but they act like they have reserved the entire basement floor.

So that was the weekend. Today was full of stuff.

I went to get my bloodwork done at the hospital. The doc's office hadn't put the codes on the form. So they wouldn't do it. And since I was halfway to the doc's office, I ended up going over there since no one could get them on the phone. So I had them put the codes on. Then I had to go back to get the bloodwork done. Total pain. And I had to insist they do the antibodies test because last time, someone at the lab screwed up and didn't do it. So this time, they showed me the vial and it's getting done.

On the side street up from the hospital, a car almost slammed into me! I was driving straight, there was a stop sign. The car across from me did NOT have a turn signal on. Soon as I went past the sign, the guy decided he was going to turn. He slammed on his horn and then he put the signal on. And he was only a few feet from slamming into the front of my car. Very scary. Really, you cannot be too careful. It was only by the grace of God that I wasn't hit.

All this stuff just seems fifty times harder cause I don't feel good.

And then, today, my cousin drove me crazy. She was going on and on about how this woman she met had fought and beat cancer. And oh how brave and what an angel and blah, blah, blah. And I am not belittling cancer in anyway, however, I just felt like, I have fought a TWENTY FIVE year battle with Fibromyalgia and CFIDS/ME, and no one cares. No one says how brave I've been, how much I've fought, how hard it's been for me. I just have a thing about it when people seem to think cancer is the only "hard" disease out there. Which is how my relatives view the world.

So I am feeling STRESSED. And my wrist and hand hurt cause I'm doing too much with the broken bones lately.


I'm not sure there is such a thing as "small stresses" ... and you've had many this week. I'm so sorry. (Why is it they seem to "pile up" like that?)

I've had the same feelings about cancer. Guiltily, but yeah. Maybe it's because people are so terrified of death, that anything with a reputation for killing people is taken very seriously. But some folks seem to think, what's the big deal? so, you have to stay in bed ...... (At least it's not going to KILL you. ) Yes, we're alive ... (Barely ;) )

And what's the deal with "beating" an illness? As though someone was somehow strong enough, tried hard enough or whatever ... Like MY effort has been half-assed or just not quite good enough to "beat" this thing ... I hate that! Believe me, my effort-- and yours, too-- have been plenty strong. It's not from lack of a good fight that we're still sick!

So, I'm going to say this to YOU, Carrigon:

You've been very brave. It's been really hard for you and you've fought exceedingly well-- as hard as you could possibly fight. Your voice is heard and your efforts are noticed. I care. We care. Ignore the ignorant ...

Happy Valentine's Day ...
Not unusual for those close to us to be completely oblivious to what we go through, Carrigon. And since they don't make the appropriate comments, may I use this short Forum, like Emmanuelle just did, to do so?
You ARE brave, Carrigon, not just because you have survived this hideous, multi-symptom disease for 25 years, but because you did again today! And in the midst of your pain, you posted something here to help others. Truly valiant in my view. Each day you get up not because you've had a restful refreshing sleep ready to "tackle the world" like a deoderant commercial on TV, but rather, only because of sheer will. Everything in your body is screaming for you to quit, to stay in bed, to give up...but you don't. You are one of the strongest people on the planet, Carrigon, because you have willed yourself to keep going, keep pushing through the pain, and the brain fog, and the body-aches, day after day.
Research from doctors and patients has confirmed that what you go through is at least as horrible as that which people with HIV and late stage AIDS experience, yet you don't get free medicine, nor have anyone think to visit you because you feel so sick.
Yet you keep going. There is a flame burning inside you that relentlessly spurs you on, saying "Carrigon won't quit," despite the fact that just brushing your teeth is a major undertaking.
No, they don't understand. But I do. We do. And we know how brave you really are.
You're a veteran of battle, and deserve a medal.
"“You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you." Mary Tyler Moore
I'll ditto what Mary Tyler Moore said (in Kelvin's comment).

You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you."

And it's not just illness that this quote applies to.

I sometimes feel that the Best Person of Anything is the person who's had a hard time (in getting where they are today).

It is fifty times harder (and actually I didn't consider either of those 'small stresses' and I'm you sorry you have to live in an environment like that. I wonder if just acknowledging that the many of the 'small' things are just so much larger than they used to be - and that is the way it is with this disease- helps. So as they come up we can at least say to ourselves - I have a disorder in which the small things bug me more than they used.....and when you feel the frustration rise - saying something like - that's the CFS again....and getting some distance from it.

I just interviewed someone on antivirals and all the problems with the 'little stuff' just disappeared as her health improved.

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