Reasons for Alarms / Gifted / Instrumental Block

The Noise You Now Know

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep … x1,000

It sounds like a billion desperation crickets getting murdered by thoroughly dedicated meth heads!

Anytime my roommate opens, accesses, and / or utilizes the restroom .. the door alarm beeps and blares… nurses and CNAs come running. And things get impressively unhinged in a hurry.

So yes, I have several times awakened to the penetrating sound of beeps. It's not something one can sleep through - even with ear muffs or ear plugs adorned. At least the ensuing chaos involves top notch instruction (provided by staff), with each having their own suggestive method, as it relates to gravity defiance… though the main message always remains the same…. Don't Fall Down!!!

Beyond that - What's it like in my new room with my new roommate? Hmmm.. I'm glad I asked.

Officially, this is my fourth roommate… in seven months. Is that a good ratio? Well, I cannot know. But I shall give you an outline of what I'm up against in my all-new environs. And really, I'm not up against much. Still, I feel as though I should impart my wealth of knowledge just the same, in case any of you end up being in a nursing home situation (like me) someday in the distant future.

So, Dan hallucinates.. a lot. And he hallucinates often. He cannot help it. He frequently sees someone with me. A person. A person no one else can see. Well, that's not quite right. Dora sees the same thing. An otherwise invisible person standing next to me. And each of them is often asking who my friend is. And I'm not quite sure what to say. I have no intention of embarrassing them.

So that's one of the obstacles I'm contending with… a reality obstacle. But I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be reacting. Do I acknowledge the ghost, or do I simply redirect? Or do I embrace my invisible friend?

With my roommate Dan, my main objective is ensuring that he does not get injured. And so far, no falls (in six days). That's the main concern. There's a history of falling here, and there. And much of his falling has to do with his incorrect perceptions. Or forgetting that he can no longer do certain things. Or sometimes it's just a simple matter of him challenging the given restrictions and (his own) limitations, out of frustration.

Either way, he's rarely (visibly) distressed.


TV Habit(at)

or

Not Seeing is Believing

A curtain now exists, the kind that's latched above. It's attached to a rod assembly and easily pulls across the room, blocking the blue blinking light from the television. But when this curtain is pulled across into a blocking position, my roommate no longer has intimate privacy (and neither do I).

Nope, the curtain isn't long enough to obstruct the view of the television and his bed simultaneously. And really, that doesn't bother me all that much, as there's no semblance of privacy in a place like this anyway. I've been seen and cannot be unseen.

Stringing Along

My new junior sized guitar was $72, plus tax. Yes, I bought a guitar with money that was sent to me! Woohoo! Right? I was encouraged to buy something that would help me resume making music, rather than using the money to invest in rolls of medical tape and/or applesauce.

The six string acoustic arrived days ago with much fanfare, amid curious glances. And after spending a good 10 minutes tuning the darned thing, I began playing. Awkwardly. Slowly. Missing notes here and there. I mean heck, it's been nine years since I picked up a guitar.

I played for a solid 10 minutes, reintegrating song strategies, chord structures, and a few odd single note runs into the mix. And right about the 10-minute mark, my forearms got really super tired. So I put the guitar down.

And then my upper arms grew weak. I began experiencing breathing difficulties, as the muscle weakness spread full-body, top to bottom.

Yeah, my first major crash in months.

Three hours.

That's how long it lasted.

A.M. UPDATE

It's 5:33 am. The bathroom door has opened and closed three times in the past three hours (because the CNA is ________ ______ and _________.) The blaring alarm has also gone off three times in the past three hours. And guess what else? I stopped sleeping three hours ago. That's the math. And that's why I'm up right now, editing this blog entry - so I can share my outright joy and glee with each of you.

Dietitian Talks

Thanks to my personal (unpaid) Phoenix Rising Support Staff, I received a phone call from the Kate Farms dietitian recently.. in efforts to stem the tide of bloat and bile misfortune (*Kate Farms is the maker of my feeding formula). And our talk benefited both parties (well, she said it was beneficial on her end, and I know it was on mine, so we'll just roll with that, shall we?)

In any case, she's a brilliant woman regarding All Things Digestible, and Most Things Internally Mechanical. So yes indeed, we had a thorough troubleshooting session (something I've been seeking out from participating gastroenterologists for the past decade.. but all them G.I.s wanna to do is scan me and probe me and give me the all-clear).

Anyway, this astute dietitian processed fast as thunder following a lightning strike, the kind that strikes within super close proximity… one one-thousand, two one-thousand… BOOM!

We went back and forth for 39 minutes. Or perhaps it was an hour. No matter, she understood what I was saying all the while. And she demonstrated this understanding by making relevant suggestions.

Beyond that, and per my questioning, they changed their formula in November. That's the time frame that also coincides with my starting to go outdoors (in order to obtain the formerly elusive direct sunlight / vitamin D). On their end, they change their formula from vitamin D2, to the more bioavailable D3.

So what do you know… more Vitamin D from all angles! Not solely the Sun.

Dietitian Days Continue

On the following day our resident dietitian (yes, she may actually live on the premises! …or not) visited with me in the courtyard. Mostly, she comes to me every couple of months in order to track my fluid volume, my caloric intake. And that's what she did. She also gushed, something about me looking very good. That I looked very well. That I looked very healthy.

No, I do not necessarily believe her, but why not go with that flow?

And it seems most people feel I look decent, if only because I am darkly tanned now. They also say I look a lot older. And I guess that's what dark skin does.

Here's The Thing -

I am surrounded by people who tell the same stories over and over again. Yes. That goes on a lot here.

Dora made me read the following: Ezekiel - Chapter 3 16-21

I am rewatching a show on Netflix called: Mystic Pop-up Bar

Say It Isn't So

It was 99 degrees yesterday. It is currently 76° in my room. And now, for some godforsaken reason… this morning, THE HEAT IS ON!!!

I am (was) Gifted

For some reason I received money/gift cards two months ago, here at the nursing home… well over $100… for no specific reason (I neither asked, not orchestrated). And I was told to spend that money on nonsense. Things I wanted to buy, rather than things needed. So that's what I did - although it took me 37 days to get past the guilt, before I took action.

Personal Items Purchased:

Cheap (used) Acoustic Guitar $72
Mini-SD card (memory for music recordings/songs)
Cheap Blue-blocking Sunglasses (indoors/tv) $6
Dark Sunglasses (outdoors) $13
Earbuds (mine were broken) $6
Refurbished Bluetooth Speaker (listening to music) $27
Tablet Cover (half-price/used) $11

It's SUPER weird buying things, ANY things, especially things I DO NOT need nor require. Besides applesauce, I haven't bought things since 2013. But again, I was told to buy things that did not include medical tape, sunscreen, hypoallergenic jelly beans, scissors….

I am not feeling guilty, because I was told NOT to feel guilty doing so. Doing this. Heck, I am supposed to be some kind of Minimalist Nursing Home Survivor Dude. And now you guys have absolutely ruined that conceptualization of self! Or maybe everybody ruined that image when they decorated my room with trinkets and cards!

Either way, THANK YOU!

I called the disability people last week, the IRS, the ISS, whoever the hell these people are, and they said it will only be a matter of weeks before they reach a decision. So, if I am somehow determined to be disabled, I will be receiving $120 cash per month to spend on necessary items… and perhaps occasionally, on crap I do not necessarily need, nor require to get by :)


Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there! I am probably headed outdoors fairly soon, so I can take a serious nap. Enjoy the day. Enjoy your life experience.


Take care,
Howard



Next Time:
The Grappler Bust
Resident Thievery
Gravity Falling
Doppelganger
Discourteousness
Phlegmatic Altruism
Rationing Tape / Cotton-Tipped Applicator Scarcity






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Comments

For all its shortcomings, the pics you've sent indicate a place several grades above what is usually available to those not blessed with shite-loads of money and insurance ... that arbor is gorgeous, and I've noted the presence of plantation shutters on the windows .... and other little tidbits, here and there.

Your phone consult with the kate Farms dietician is great !!! ou could wait for elephant years to get that kind of info out of most of the medical staff ...

Once again, I cant 'quote' your posts .... I think I've figured it out. The first person to respond can't access that, but all subsequent posters can. Go figure ...

"He cannot help it. He frequently sees someone with me.
A person. A person no one else can see.
Well, that's not quite right. Dora sees the same thing.

An otherwise invisible person standing next to me."

That's fascinating in a kind of spooky way. Maybe you really do have a guardian angel, because believe it or not, you've been incredibly blessed .... and I think that you actually do believe that ....

Stay weller ...

PS .... Heavy doses of sun age and dry skin faster than booze .... you might want to add a moisturizer to your list of things-you-don't-really-need/need-but-kinda-do .... and excellent product at a ridiculously low price is CeraVe, SA Lotion for Rough & Bumpy Skin .... not that you have rough and bumpy, but rather that the ingredients are pretty cutting edge for an inexpensive product.... hyaluronic acid for attracting and holding moisture in the top layers of your dermis, salicylic acid for gentle removal of dead skin cells, ceramides to protect, replace, and maintain your protective skin barrier ....

PPS .... Because the air in AZ is drier than kindling, definitely mist your face before using ANY moisturizer, and keep misting it thru-out the day, just to make sure that the HA is drawing moisture INTO your skin and not out of it. There's a lot of back-and-forth about that issue, some saying no it duzznt and others saying yesssss it duzzzz .... so just to be safe ....

EDIT ... to clarify stuff and add more info ,,,,
 
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the pics you've sent indicate a place several grades above what is usually available
Agreed. But that first room I moved into was rather nasty. Now, I live in Unit One. This is where they do all the rehab work, so they have lots of visitors (and patients) coming in and out... the upkeep is seemingly prioritized. In Unit 2, there aren't any visitors (permanent residents only), so.. there's no one to impress.

But yes, the inner courtyard (and the outdoor grounds / landscaping) are very nice indeed.

Angels? Ha. But yeah, I'm having a stimulating time here. Extreme highs and lows, just like real life people - :)

Thx on the skin care
 
Hi Howard.....I agree that you're in a beautifully landscaped nursing home. More important than that, though...is that you can enjoy it during the late autumn, all winter into the spring. Have you found a go-to place for the summer?

It was about as hot in Dallas yesterday afternoon. Suddenly, I may add. I've stopped watching or reading any weather forecasts as my allergies to both high heat and pollen are year round anyway. On more air purifier for the house. They have HEPA filters, but headaches are routine as well being unable to talk. Aha! That's the perfect roommate for you.

It sounds like Dan is in the midst of Alzheimer's or the like (there are a number of them). Sadly, you've encountered either that or people with personality disorders as roommates.

I do hope that if you're turned down for your application, that you'll go right back in again. What more do they want in the way of proof? Too bad that Dan and Dora can't be roomies, however that's a wrong combo in the female/male department. Oh, they'll change rooms on you again....count on it!

Money well spent on your guitar. I know what you mean about the muscle strength....but perhaps a few days in between will allow you to try again for shorter bursts of time. Thanks for the Mother's Day wishes.

Flowers everywhere as we sat outside and the flowers delivered were also taken out. I felt like I was enjoying my own funeral. Make no mistake....I love floers, a lot....but prefer them to be in the ground. This goes back multiple years to my father's death when I was 14. I couldn't take red roses until just about 10 yrs. ago....and then decided it was time to just grow up!

Many years have passed, but I always carry memories of him and pull them out on Father's Day. He was only 40 when he died. The birthday of one of my brother's (some years)....perhaps it's not good to remember too much.
Chocolates and more flowers....everyone has long ago that I need nothing. I'm in total agreement. I still need to finish off getting rid of my work clothes of what? 45 years or more ago? I'm about as exact as Dan.

Take good care....and enjoy what you can of the journey. It's yours. Yours, L.
 
"My new junior sized guitar was $72, plus tax"

Great news! Very exciting. New compositions! Or just get back in the groove of playing a bit for you own enjoyment.

This triggered an investigation on my part (what are 72$ guitars). Wishing I had simply sent you one of ours, prior to their conversion to ash.

My investigation led to a major discovery: a guitar, smaller, for children, which comes with three strings. (and a little instructional manual). (yes, I perk up whenever its a Toddler thing, as I wish to corrupt my little grandaughter.)

It seems with these three strings give you plenty to work with. And its fat nylon strings! That creates the possibility that maybe I could play such a guitar, despite lack of fingertips. (now depleted of collagen, subcutaneous fat, and proper nerve endings).

"And each of them is often asking who my friend is. And I'm not quite sure what to say"

I would not dismiss their observations. But thats me.

Perhaps ask them a simple question, very low key, obtusely, as spirit gets uncomfortable if its being pinned down or approached directly.

Ask Dora- oh a question like, well "I'm not sure who my friend is yet". I wonder if its an older man? (how would Dora respond?). Next question depends upon her response (if any).

Did BOTH Of them use the term "friend" ? IF both really used this same term, that's fascinating.
 
I would not dismiss their observations. But thats me.

Perhaps ask them a simple question, very low key, obtusely, as spirit gets uncomfortable if its being pinned down or approached directly.

Ask Dora- oh a question like, well "I'm not sure who my friend is yet". I wonder if its an older man? (how would Dora respond?). Next question depends upon her response (if any).
I agree. I wouldnt dismiss that without some investigation. FOr one thing, it's just tooooo fascinating, especially since two people have made that observation, and both have referred to your 'friend'.

Yeah, I know, I know .... they're probably on the same medications, but still, I've never figured you for being close-minded @Howard, so why not check it out? Just for fun and scientific investigation of a sort?
You seem a little dismissive of your sort of oblique good fortune, but believe me, you could have wound up in much, much darker and more unforgiving places. You seem to have bloomed there, and that's rarely the case in nursing homes. But then. not everyone has your unique abilities with people ....
 
@lenora

Nope, no place to go in the summertime, yet. Angela said she'd take me outside each day for 15 minutes of sun, but other than that… sitting in the cafeteria all day may be my only option - but it's kept quite warm in there.

Possibly I'll adapt to the typical 110° high temps, as I am currently able to withstand 97° -

They are talking about relocating me… again.

@Rufous McKinney

I bought the guitar used, so it's really a $110 guitar! But playing it is more difficult than expected (the sudden heavy duty P.E.M. episode surprised me). I considered the three-string guitars, as well -

@YippeeKi YOW !!

Unfortunately my roommate has taken a turn for the worse, as he doesn't really ever sleep. He can no longer even function.

Oh, I am not dismissive of my good fortune, or in the least, I'm not trying to come off that way. I'm merely trying to explain the things that happen here. The things that occasionally make life difficult. The lack of sleep is extremely hard on my body. But other than that, yes, I've really found my footing here.

And having these abilities with people is a fairly new thing, but it's also a very old thing. It's just not been a real thing in decades.

@Judee

Yes, I will provide a picture of the guitar soon. :)

@andyguitar

Yes, slide guitar could be an option. And I think once I begin sleeping again, my energy will advance a few notches. I discussed my severe crash event with physical therapy today, and she explained that the manual dexterity combined with the mental acuity was likely enough to push me over the P.E.M. edge.


Sorry about the delayed responses, my fatigue of late has gotten the best of me lately... but right now I'm sitting outdoors at 9:45 in the evening and the temperature is in the low eighties and feels wonderfully relaxing peaceful.
 
Oh, I am not dismissive of my good fortune, or in the least, I'm not trying to come off that way. I'm merely trying to explain the things that happen here. The things that occasionally make life difficult. The lack of sleep is extremely hard on my body. But other than that, yes, I've really found my footing here.
I wasn't implying that you were dismissing your good fortune or were unaware of how well you've progressed since you moved into your current place. I quess I was referring to your response to a comment of mine regarding that, in which you used "Ha.", an expression I use often, usually to express dismissiveness or sarcasm or irony. Since I'd never experienced your using that "Ha." before, I assumed, rightly or wrongly, that you were using it in the same spirit I did. My bad. See the two quotes below.

Maybe you really do have a guardian angel, because believe it or not, you've been incredibly blessed .... and I think that you actually do believe that ....
Angels? Ha. But yeah, I'm having a stimulating time here. Extreme highs and lows, just like real life people - :)
I think you're doing incredibly well, in spite of occasional downdrafts into fatigue, etc, something all of us with this crappy little soulless gut-gnawing illness share in common, and which can be really debilitating and depressing ....:hug::hug:
 
I wasn't implying that you were dismissing your good fortune or were unaware of how well you've progressed since you moved into your current place. I quess I was referring to your response to a comment of mine regarding that, in which you used "Ha.", an expression I use often, usually to express dismissiveness or sarcasm or irony. Since I'd never experienced your using that "Ha." before, I assumed, rightly or wrongly, that you were using it in the same spirit I did. My bad. See the two quotes below.




I think you're doing incredibly well, in spite of occasional downdrafts into fatigue, etc, something all of us with this crappy little soulless gut-gnawing illness share in common, and which can be really debilitating and depressing ....:hug::hug:
Yeah. I have no idea what I meant when I wrote that, but yes, I am grateful that things are mostly on the up-and-up. :)
 
It's been a week since I have posted anything, so I thought I would check in here, ever so briefly.

Ummm... yeah.

I've written several thousand words in the past week, but the presentation is poorly crafted. I'm distracted. I'm angry. I'm hot. I'm tired. I'm disappointed. I am being patient with the doctoring community. And in between all those instances, moments of obvious joy are evident.

So yes, my world is full of extremes right now.

Eventually, somehow and somewhere, the words will come out.

@Rufous McKinney

Hey there. I got the guitar a couple weeks ago. That experiment hasn't been going well. But I do have the guitar. That's half the battle. :)

At some point I will snap a photo. And post the photo of the guitar.

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Hello @Howard......Oh, you sound like most of us get in the good old summertime heat.....just aggravated. I know it's not just the heat, and you've been a mighty good trooper, but we do get just annoyed at times.

It's not even full-on summer here and I'm in bed (the pelvic fractures, you know) and can't make up my mind if I'm lazy or depressed. I can't think of anything I want to do or anyone I want to talk to. I think it may be being removed from society for too long. Well, at least I'm not picking a huge fight with Rod, lucky guy. (Right, I couldn't be called a member of society anyway, so don't misunderstand me here.)

It's true though, when you think about it, the doctors have you frustrated (and a lot of them are probably frustrated about your condition, too), you can't seem to get a proper series of notes out of the guitar(s). (Isn't Rufous nice?) and, really, you do a good job in all respects. Be Kind to Howard Week....that's all, and maybe I'll take my own advice. Good?.....right, good enough for both of us. We'll treat what ails us ourselves.

So what's the roommate situation like these days? Is that pulling you down, too? Well, why not? (As long as a crazed one doesn't pull your pants down, huh?)

Just write the words....forget about that professional look. We want to know how you are, and perhaps some of us even know (or remember) a joke or two. I've never been good at that, but I do appreciate a hearty laugh. Feel better and the music will come. Be a patient patient. (I swear that it must be impossible to learn English.) Yours, Lenora
 
But I do have the guitar. That's half the battle. :)
Thinking about how you're also in a new venue. And its called: lots of people around. The guitar is a strum it out loud type instrument.

I just about never play music, or actually paint something creative, if anyone else is around. Even if they are in the next room.

My husband insists he did all this exercising, and stretching and All this Good Stuff...when I wasn't looking (that leaves, I am still asleep). He claims the yoga mat was deployed, while I was out. (He hides in the bedroom to play with his supplements, and closes the door because if I see him with his many many pills, he is immediately BUSTED).

(dust is still on the yoga mat)Busted.
 

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