Procedures Planned, Please Approve Me

Dateline: two days ago -

A frigid desert night is in the making. Freezing. Below freezing. Our version of an Arctic blast. This winter has been cold. Colder than normal. Or at least, far colder than it's been (on average) in the past decade or so. But that's okay, as the chill is much more easily tolerated in comparison to those 110° days of the summer season. But at one point things were getting borderline ridiculous. I observed snow showers in the mountainous terrain 20 miles north of my location Monday morning. That was the day we never made it out of the 40s. Yes, cold happens, but I am not accustomed.

Above and beyond the weather, I shall offer an update of sorts. I will explain a few things. Or perhaps I will write things that'll make matters unclear. I'm not quite sure. It's 3:37 a.m. and I'm only awake because I'm having a few minor issues at this time.


There's currently an effort to coordinate surgical procedures at the same time. At least, that's my intention and my desire. If I'm going under, I want to go under only once.

The muscle biopsy should take place soon. I'm also scheduling to have a bladder procedure. By combining the two, the side effects from being under anesthesia will be limited to one instance. And that's my primary objective. Limiting things.

And Surgeon Number One explained that after my muscle biopsy, it will take several months under several microscopes across the land in order to determine what it is that's causing my debilitating muscle functionality problems. Or, as we like to say, me/cfs.

Well no, we don't like to say that. Probably no one does.


The fate of my official SSI claim is supposed to be resolved by June, at the latest. If my claim is approved, I will receive $800 per month. I will also receive a lump sum dating back to my first having applied for SSI during this round, back in late October. Therefore, my monetary reward will equal somewhere in and around $6,000.

Now here's the trick, assuming I am approved… the rewarded money must be spent immediately and promptly. If not, the state, or the government, or some combination there in, will take the money away from me and apply it towards expenses. So what I must do is immediately spend the money. My simple goal is to have things done to replace my missing teeth. I did find out, however, that I will not be able to afford implants. But my dentist said there are other more affordable options which could work for me.

So that's the goal. Fix my mouth. Make it chewable. This may be my only opportunity (forever and ever, amen) to do something with my mouth - to make it functional, just in case I'm able to eat food again, sometime in the future.


If —- I am approved for SSI, my plan is to leave the nursing home. Even if I am not approved, I do plan on leaving the nursing home. So either way, I plan on leaving.

By receiving $800 per month, I will have a few options. And my main objective will be to find a room, or maybe a roommate. Well really, to find someone who will let me live with them. Ideally, it'll be some place where I'll have direct access to the restroom. A restroom. A wheelchair accommodating restroom. Some place that I can fit my wheeled machine, so that I can take care of myself and my needs.

How likely is this? I honestly cannot tell you. On a personal level, I seem to be likeable enough, but finding a home that's wheelchair accessible will be quite difficult.

I shall also qualify for Section 8 housing (assuming disability is approved). The problem being, there isn't any Section 8 housing available in Phoenix. The waiting lists are all closed.

A group home could also be on the agenda. I think. But I don't know how much of that would be covered with my tiny amount of income. And really, I don't think my $800 per month contribution would be quite enough.


If I am not approved for SSI, I will somehow get a job. I was thinking I could be one of those Greeters at Wal-Mart. I am surely personable enough to hold down that kind of job. And perhaps having a disabled guy at the front door would bump up the Walmart street cred.

I don't know how many hours per day I can physically tolerate. Sure, I can sit up for several hours at a time. But there are always complications because of my feeding tube, and the related hygiene/maintenance issues. And then of course, there's everything that goes along with my diabolical illness.

Besides finding a job, I could always find myself some kind of girlfriend who will support me. I don't know why anybody would want to do that, but you never know. So perhaps I could be a mail order boyfriend groom.

In reality, I don't cost much. My formula and related supplies are paid for by state insurance. Then again - thanks again to all who have helped supply me with gauze, bandages, medical tape, and other life-sustaining supplies!

So in this instance, not eating is actually advantageous. More simply, I just need easy access to a bathroom / shower, a single electrical outlet to charge my chair, and covered shelter from the elements.

Okay. I really don't need a shower. Perhaps running water would be enough. I didn't shower for several years running, and look at me now! I survived that ordeal.

The point I'm trying to make, is that I could give most of my money to somebody, or some entity, and live off of a mere dollar a day.

My freedom is most important, and also my main desire (I've mostly given up on being cured, so I've got to have an overall simplified objective, right?). The freedom to move around, to go out there, to move about… that's where it's at.


Hang in there @Rufous McKinney (re: husband I'll). Ugh. At least it seems things are getting better. And as I alluded to in previous commentary, it's most important to keep yourself properly aligned. You can't take care of anyone else, or anything else, unless you take care of yourself.

Be well,

Sun-seeking Bundled Cold -


Snow Showers -


Post Urologist/ Hanging Out -


Downtown Chair Repair Adventure -



invest your money in bitcoins or one of the top projects like solana or a fun project like shiba inu... or spread it across multiple different projects. hidden from government. and you probably will double, triple it in a few month/years... or loose it completely.

checkout youtube channel coin bureau , best independent source for information in that regard.

but still better as to loose it to government.

a friend of mine bought dogecoin for 2000 $ 2-3 years ago and sold for 200.000 $ last year . i told him too... he is still gracious about it and finances me the one or other expensive medication i cannot afford otherwise.
though he also lost 50.000 in luna , another recommendation of me, so take it with a grain of salt. (in total he is + though)

in my country folks like us are allowed to keep 5000 EUR which will not be taken by government. its insane that they keep your whole money away, that sucks.
I agree with you..................this year has been a cold winter. Last winter wasn't even close to being a winter. I've lived in my apt. for 8 years and they still havn't fixed my heater............ughhh. It works sometimes and other times it doesn't. I think the decision has been made though to finally get it fixed.

When I first glanced at top picture it reminded me of top gun! Oxygen mask a little different but you get the picture!

Howard..............are you on full Medicaid? There's different types. When you find another place to live............full Medicaid should take care of help you need at home. At least that's how it is here in New Mexico.
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Hi Howard.....Please be careful with your money. No one can live on $1/day....heaven's a cup of coffee costs more than that. So keep your money, you'll need it.

I don't know how you'll go about finding a roommate and a place to live. Perhaps you should start with the social worker at the hospital....she would certainly have more ideas than I do.

This is an uncertain world you're hoping to live in, so keep your money (what you can, anyway) as you'll definitely need things just for living. Remember, you'll have things like bills to pay including outrageous electrical cost for air conditioning, etc. OK, you say that you don't need it, but your roomie may have very different ideas. Just slow down buckaroo and think this matter through.

Even I'm appalled at the price of groceries today...and the size! What size? Did I see it or not? Right now a dozen eggs cost about $7....yes, that's correct. We've been hit with the worst bird flu in a century and no one knows how long it will last. So there goes cheap eating.

I don't go shopping any longer, so the price of everything is stunning to me.

Anyway, good luck to you but I'm one of those people who are very, very careful about things. I just want you to be housed and fed. Yours, Lenora
Sun-seeking Bundled Cold -

Love this selfie, @Howard're definitely ready to take off and look like a Jet Setter.

I'm on Day 14 of : the crash which must conclude.

I got a cold but mostly the chinese pills I take, worked.

Hubby got moved to Rehab Facility, and now has many hours of cute nurses to flirt with. All that mumbling is likely him trying to tell hospital jokes, he has any number of them.

Like the one where Queen Elizabeth is touring the floor, and she looks in a room and one patient is watching Porn on TV (he has "better insurance").

I have to solve my own little issue called: I can stand up for two minutes max. Then I start to panic and stare at the ground and I can Feel Gravities Pull.

I can hardly get thru Visitor Checkin

(that is a favorite REM song, I must play that later)

To clarify, he was transferred last night and we have not seen him today as he had alot of doctors nurses etc coming in etc. Hence, I do not know where exactly he is. Fourth floor.
Yes, @Rufous McKinney, please use a wheelchair. It's true that most aren't very comfortable, but they do get you from place to place much easier. Usually they're at or near the very front entrance. I use them off and on depending on how I feel.

You'll probably have a visitors lounge nearby....each floor has one. Use it, the seats are generally more comfortable. As far as a stool goes, I don't think most hospitals will be able to provide one for you, although you could check the empty rooms and just look for a lone chair, not a lounge chair. I find the newest lounge chairs to be covered in plastic and far too upright for me. Rod did find a chair in an empty room and it was much better.

Visiting is very tiring when you aren't well yourself, tiring for the patient too. You may do better on the telephone (or screen...have Jess hold the baby up), a little visiting goes a long, long way.

Well, Michael sounds like he's trying to be chatty again so speech therapy may just work out fine. If not, he'll be mighty frustrated...all those jokes going to waste!

I hope you've heard from his doctor and that a plan has been worked out. That would be helpful for all of you. Yours, Lenora
Also, ask at the volunteer desk for someone to wheel your chair or, if a chair isn't available, someone will come with one.

Volunteers are always happy and cheerful to least that's what I've found. Failing that, ask someone coming into the hospital for help. A child is great and the parents are beaming. Good luck. Yours, Lenora
Also, ask at the volunteer desk for someone to wheel your chair or, if a chair isn't available, someone will come with one

I saw a chair nearby .....perhaps I can ask for help.

I am struggling.

The basic facts of the matter are I am in the "hardly functional for an hour" category.

My body doesn't cooperate, its a war with bladder and gut and every muscle le and the walking flu and the horrific pain if I stand up for: 4 minutes.

I have to find a bathroom every twenty minutes.

I've been faking this for some time now.

Can't continue faking it.

My daughter is upset with my agorophobic reaction to : life. (very familiar)

Sorry, very very sorry. Its tied into all this, but she remains convinced it can be remedied by the assignment: GO OUT EVERY DAY

Even if its 200 feet, or four blocks or drive to the meadow and look at the greenies and drive back (one mile)

I simply do NOT want to go down to where my husband is and deal with it in ANY WAY. I"m entirely: GLUB GLUB

Like the relatives I heard about , lost in the quicksand.


@Howard is so brave. I am actually one of the bravest people I ever personally met, and this has happened to me and I"m not brave any longer.

so many possibile solutions just don't exist for me. Oh like the one where you call an Uber and they just pick you up.

All that is a category that the Agoro can't really handle.

apologies for showing up here to: express my...MESS
Also, ask at the volunteer desk for someone to wheel your chair or, if a chair isn't available, someone will come with one.

Volunteers are always happy and cheerful to least that's what I've found. Failing that, ask someone coming into the hospital for help. A child is great and the parents are beaming. Good luck. Yours, Lenora

I want to be with my husband every minute.

Instead I"m this horrible wife. I know he knows and understands which helps but I have lived so much of my life in a state of covered in Guilt about something or another tied to this inadequacy.

I understand how you are feeling (I think). I missed the past nine years of my sons life ... initially feeling as though I were a horrible father, having gotten ill, etc. But out of necessity, I learned to practice acceptance, because punishing myself didn't do anybody any good. And despite what everybody else thought, and despite what others were telling my son about my "illness" - the only thing I could control were my thoughts on this matter, as well as my thoughts on all matters (en masse).

You've been punished enough by this illness. Be kind to yourself. Your husband understands, and that's all that matters! :)
I think we all live with the "what ifs of life". What if I'd adopted my 3 younger brothers and sister? Would they be in their graves?

What if I had been nicer to my mother the last 5 yrs. of her life? Bear in mind that she took no medicine (she was bipolar), could use her incredible mind until the last second, her sharp tongue which hurt a lot of people....but in the end, I'd given enough. Hatred is a hard thing to live with.

What if I sent my sister in Hospice a letter telling her how she had really messed up what remained of our family after disappearing for 25 yrs., coming back on the scene and really messing things up? No, I send her sweet cards instead and know they'll end up in the garbage without being opened.

What if our father hadn't died at such an early age?

What if our mother wasn't constantly hospitalized? Especially for the younger ones?

What if we didn't spend time in orphanages and my brothers in "homes" they didn't belong in?

What if they hadn't destroyed their lives with alcohol and drugs? On and on it goes.....always.

Oh, the what ifs are with us forever and ever. We simply do our best and when we look back on it, nothing will change anyway.

Sometimes we need to turn things around us and ask: What if they had actually done something else? What if they hadn't had accidents while under the influence? See, all of these things....but really, we don't.

So I think everyone carries a heavy bag on their shoulders. Lucky is the person who doesn't. Yours, Lenora
@Rufous McKinney.....I hope things are going better for you.

Tell me (because I don't know), do you think it would help you re-enter the world if Jess went with you for those two blocks and held your hand?

Does having someone close and familiar make a difference? It's a little start. Don't even look up in the beginning. Check out cracks in the sidewalk instead. (Heaven knows I've tripped over enough of them).

Focus on Jess and the baby. Baby steps, you know. Yours, Lenora

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