Pain and More Pain

This past month has been hell on earth for me with the Lyme arthritis and my doctor thinks some of it is Gout. She said my uric acid level is twice what it should be. I'm just dying. Hips, lower back, all the way down the legs, right knee, right ankle, right foot. And the usual pain all over from the fibro. Alot of it is weather related. I usually do not get a severe attack like this till August, but the weather has been thunderstorming for a month and lots of humidity.

So, I did move. I'm in a better place. But they had said the movers would do everything, and instead, they left me with about forty six boxes I had to unpack myself. So that has greatly contributed to my pain. But I did it. It ruined me, but I did it.

I don't feel fully moved in yet. I have alot of things to still put in the right places and hang up and nothing is where I want it right now. That's going to take time. And I've been in way too much pain to finish it up.

I went to a Fourth of July food party they had here over the weekend. Almost didn't make it because of the pain, but I went a bit late. I got asked what I do or did for a living. UGH! That really got to me. And I was like, I've been on disability for a really LONG time from Advanced Lyme Disease. I didn't bother to mention CFIDS/ME or anything. Probably would have gotten blank stares. I didn't stay at the party long because of the pain I was in. And I found, I got fatigued after an hour. But it was nice to eat and do something normal, even for a very short time.

No one knew I was actually suicidal the night before because of the severe pain. My doctor is not taking me seriously enough. I told her there have been nights recently where I have woken up from the pain and was almost unable to stand up because of it. She still just doesn't get it. She wants me to do this water therapy at a rehab hospital pool. It might actually help, but I'm considering canceling it because the pain is too bad for me to do anything at all. I'm just in too bad a flare up. And some of the sessions, I would have to drive myself across town and home because I don't have enough free rides off my insurance. It's too far away now that I've moved. And I think I would be too fatigued to make it home on my own. I cannot afford a cab right now. The move drained me dry with money.

That was another thing, they kept telling me I wouldn't have to spend a dime. Not true. They moved me in hundred degree heat. I lost all the contents of my fridge because of it. All the spoilable food. I had to replace all that stuff. And the bank charged me a fortune to get new checks and address labels. The DMV charged me to switch my license over to the new address. The movers buried all my cookware and food, and I had no choice but to buy take out food till I was able to unbury everything. People don't realize that when you are poor, it is essential that you can cook at home. And especially when you have all the health issues we have, you need to be able to make your own food. So I had to spend on stuff, and none of it was what I should have been eating, and that has contributed to my flareup. There were other expenses. I had to buy boxes and boxes of garbage bags to throw out all the wrapping papers the movers used on my stuff. The money just added up. In total, this move has cost me about four hundred dollars or more. And that doesn't include the new bed I just bought. I needed one anyway, but I think they bent my mattress in the move and made it worse. So I had to get one. Can't prove that to claim it. They broke one of my kitchen chairs and scratched all my furniture very badly. And they will not compensate me because of the insurance deductible. Lovely.

And to add insult to injury, I think the Housing Authority knew my neighbor was a dangerous schizophrenic and they moved me in there and ruined my life. The last conversation I had with the manager over there, he told me my neighbor has been "screaming for years". And there were other clues. My neighbor told me another neighbor used to call the police on him. And then I ran into a former worker for the place, she used to be one of the secretaries, and she said he's got severe mental illness. So I think they knew all about it, put me in there around that, and just hoped for the best. They ruined my life. And contributed greatly to my health suffering. And I doubt there is anything I can do about it because it has to be proven.

So I'm in my new place, in severe pain. I can't finish doing anything in here till the flare calms down and I haven't seen it calm down yet. I'm worse than ever. And have been starting to get the arthritis in my wrists and hands, too. And I need my hands to type and do the work I do on the computer.

It's hard to really describe my mood. Yes, I'm in a better place, however, the point was, I didn't want to move. And I was manipulated into it and really didn't have a choice. It was that or stay and probably get knifed, raped, or who knows what. I'm in alot of pain. I have no clue if I will be happier in a few months once I feel settled or not. But at the moment, I feel sort of battered and bruised and abused. And my crazy, violent, screaming schizophrenic neighbor, he gets to stay there. And I just don't feel it's fair. I loved my apartment. I was comfortable in my apartment. I liked the staff over there. I was just getting to know some of my neighbors after years of being there. And I shouldn't have been the one who had to move. I followed all the rules there, while he breaks every rule night and day. But it was me who had to leave, me who had to be put in a situation that caused me more physical pain, drained me financially, ruined my furniture, and now I'm in a place where I only know one person. Oh, and they are insanely tough on the cleaning inspections here, I have no clue how I'm supposed to keep it hotel clean when I'm in alot of pain and could care less. More stress.

So, yeah, I'm just not a happy camper right now. And the unbearable pain is making me a crab. Was it worth it? The silence, the safety, there is no price tag on those things. But the pain wasn't worth anything.


Hi Carrigon, I am sorry to read you are having such a bad time.

The last time I moved it cost me nearly $3000 up front, but I did get some of that back when I had my bond returned. Everything costs, and when you are sick you have to spend more to compensate for lack of capacity to do anything. I cannot drive for example, but had to move across a major city, from one side to the other.

On uric acid, you may or may not have gout. ME and CFS (and fibro?) are inflammatory disorders, and some of us have very high levels of uric acid, which is an antioxidant. Many doctors have a tendency to jump to a gout conclusion without good reason. Mine did, and I was put on gout medication for months while I was waiting to see a specialist. The specialist did extra tests and concluded I did not have gout - I was making lots of uric acid, but I was excreting it too.

If you are feeling up to it and need somewhere for emotional support or just to vent, please consider the chat room. You would be welcome. Do be aware that chat is empty at some times of day though.

In my case, it is gout. I've had the classic gout toe more than once. It runs in my family, and they think the pain I had with my wrist where we didn't know if I broke it this winter was most likely a gout attack. It's not good. It's contributing to everything.
This sounds awful and is one reason I don't want to move. It's too much work. To think a couple of years ago, I moved twice in one year and was FINE. I don't understand why this schizoid isn't in a home or institution. Is he functioning like a normal human? What gives? That is wrong, but it happens because they get paid and they don't really care and that is the truth. I have moved into apartments not having to do with HUD or Section 8 and I have been told, "oh yeah, this is a quiet apartment without roaches." NOT SO. They want money and in your case, the government pays that apartment and they want you in there. It's sad.

I am sorry you are in so much pain. I am too.

As you say on my blogs, hang in there, this is just part of the illness and there will be better days.
They closed down all the mental hospitals and institutions here. And when they did that, they dumped all the severely mentally ill out into the streets and some got put into public housing, when they do NOT belong around normal people. The whole system now has no place to house these nut cases. So they leave them to live among people who cannot physically defend themselves against the criminally insane. I believe it is yet another attempt at depopulation. They wanted to mass murder the mentally ill, and many of them did die out in the streets. They couldn't survive once they were dumped out of the hospitals. Then they figured that by putting them in with people who are elderly and or physically disabled, they would just kill off alot of us. Less government money to spend taking care of the disabled. Less people on the planet. The truth always comes down to money. And they don't give a damn whose life they ruin or destroy.

I hear your pain.
I understand your pain,
I care and wish I can make it better for you.
It's good that you wrote about all your frustrations.
I hope this new place will bring you better luck.
You feel overwhelmed right now - physically and emotionally but, better days are coming.
We are all rooting for you.
Try to relax - hundreds of us are sharing your load.
A big hug,
Hugs Carrigon. It doesn't sound easy. It isn't easy but take credit in what you are battling through. 46 boxes - wow. I hope things improve for you. I wish you more happiness in your new home. ~Sleepy

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