I've just had an unusually low moment. It's December and my second job to looking after my health is making christmas gifts. Nothing extravagant, just bath salts. My social calendar is full, with one modest social occasion a week (think a quick mocktail with my cousin in a bar up my street, or one friend coming over for NYE for a film). On top of that I've got a dr appt and a therapy appt. This is pushing it. I'm feeling less well than usual and I was wondering if I could manage all this.
DWP write saying I need to send in a form by Jan 2nd. I've called them, been put through to the service that makes the assessments happen, and got talked to in a slightly hostile way because the service don't like DWP. I've also called citizens advice, and they don't have an appt til Jan 10th. They want me to call somewhere else to check if they can help me. I called them, I need to call back tomorrow before 2pm. Citizens Advice called back and put me on hold 3 times with random questions, I think the person was not very experienced. Tomorrow I need to call the other possibly helpful service, and then call Citizens Advice back again.
I've been on the phone for 1h20 mins today, with about 1h of that on hold. I find music stressful... having to hear 1h of it that I don't need was hard.
I also called the GP because of a physio letter I've been chasing for weeks. They still haven't got through to the physio dept to find out where the letter is. The junior receptionist called me back after we'd spoken, telling me information that we've already established 3 times before.
I've got my period and my energy is worse than usual anywhere. Something is going on with my liver, it's showing up bad results in blood tests, getting worse. I had a horrible cold, I'm still recovering. I feel overwhelmed. For a moment I felt inconsolable, like nothing was going to take me away from the despair. The things I want to do are so simple, but these phone calls are so difficult for me. I don't speak the language they need me to speak in to tick their boxes.
I'm being asked to do something I can't do. I can't fill out this form on time. Citizens Advice don't have the appointments, there's a backlog. I can't be the only one in this situation if there is this backlog. DWP ought to make the notice period 6 weeks, or whatever will fit with the backlog that Citizens Advice have. Or at least not penalise me for my limitations. I hate not being able to meet a demand.
I've made the maximum amount of demands on myself for the month ahead, I can't meet the demands of the benefits system too.
I have to find a way through it - I don't want to cancel seeing my cousin, I haven't seen her since before she got married in the summer - I wasn't well enough to go to her wedding. I can't cancel Christmas, and if I cancelled NYE that would be super depressing. Not giving gifts would also make me so, so sad. I can't bear it.
It's possible that my energy will get a little better in the coming weeks and I'd be able to handle these things. Sometimes that does happen.
There are more demands I was making of myself, like getting a PA, which should be a helpful, supportive thing but is actually too difficult for me to get started with. I've got an alright candidate but I don't have the energy to have her come to help me this month. It would be easier once I know her, but I need energy set aside to direct her and set things up the first couple of times she comes. I'm going to have to ask her if she'd like to start in Jan.
It surprises me how low I feel and how despairing and overwhelmed. It's probably my hormones. Also I am just overdoing it. I had caffeine yesterday when I saw my aunt - I made chai tea for us. The caffeine made me productive which I LOVED. I made 4 rose hibiscus pink bath salt gifts, and did my online grocery shop. That was way too much to do in one day. It's depressing that this level of activity - about 2 hours worth, including seeing my aunt - makes me so exhausted the next day. I shouldn't have attempted making those phone calls today, but I was anxious to get it sorted.
I had a bath and it should have been comforting, but I just cried. And now I'm venting, spending this energy. I don't feel I can go to my friends because I think it would make them feel helpless, they can't help me. I think the depths of this despair are a lot to handle too. I don't want to put this on anyone else. Well, maybe I'll feel better now for having got this all out...
DWP write saying I need to send in a form by Jan 2nd. I've called them, been put through to the service that makes the assessments happen, and got talked to in a slightly hostile way because the service don't like DWP. I've also called citizens advice, and they don't have an appt til Jan 10th. They want me to call somewhere else to check if they can help me. I called them, I need to call back tomorrow before 2pm. Citizens Advice called back and put me on hold 3 times with random questions, I think the person was not very experienced. Tomorrow I need to call the other possibly helpful service, and then call Citizens Advice back again.
I've been on the phone for 1h20 mins today, with about 1h of that on hold. I find music stressful... having to hear 1h of it that I don't need was hard.
I also called the GP because of a physio letter I've been chasing for weeks. They still haven't got through to the physio dept to find out where the letter is. The junior receptionist called me back after we'd spoken, telling me information that we've already established 3 times before.
I've got my period and my energy is worse than usual anywhere. Something is going on with my liver, it's showing up bad results in blood tests, getting worse. I had a horrible cold, I'm still recovering. I feel overwhelmed. For a moment I felt inconsolable, like nothing was going to take me away from the despair. The things I want to do are so simple, but these phone calls are so difficult for me. I don't speak the language they need me to speak in to tick their boxes.
I'm being asked to do something I can't do. I can't fill out this form on time. Citizens Advice don't have the appointments, there's a backlog. I can't be the only one in this situation if there is this backlog. DWP ought to make the notice period 6 weeks, or whatever will fit with the backlog that Citizens Advice have. Or at least not penalise me for my limitations. I hate not being able to meet a demand.
I've made the maximum amount of demands on myself for the month ahead, I can't meet the demands of the benefits system too.
I have to find a way through it - I don't want to cancel seeing my cousin, I haven't seen her since before she got married in the summer - I wasn't well enough to go to her wedding. I can't cancel Christmas, and if I cancelled NYE that would be super depressing. Not giving gifts would also make me so, so sad. I can't bear it.
It's possible that my energy will get a little better in the coming weeks and I'd be able to handle these things. Sometimes that does happen.
There are more demands I was making of myself, like getting a PA, which should be a helpful, supportive thing but is actually too difficult for me to get started with. I've got an alright candidate but I don't have the energy to have her come to help me this month. It would be easier once I know her, but I need energy set aside to direct her and set things up the first couple of times she comes. I'm going to have to ask her if she'd like to start in Jan.
It surprises me how low I feel and how despairing and overwhelmed. It's probably my hormones. Also I am just overdoing it. I had caffeine yesterday when I saw my aunt - I made chai tea for us. The caffeine made me productive which I LOVED. I made 4 rose hibiscus pink bath salt gifts, and did my online grocery shop. That was way too much to do in one day. It's depressing that this level of activity - about 2 hours worth, including seeing my aunt - makes me so exhausted the next day. I shouldn't have attempted making those phone calls today, but I was anxious to get it sorted.
I had a bath and it should have been comforting, but I just cried. And now I'm venting, spending this energy. I don't feel I can go to my friends because I think it would make them feel helpless, they can't help me. I think the depths of this despair are a lot to handle too. I don't want to put this on anyone else. Well, maybe I'll feel better now for having got this all out...
