Overly Emo

For like the past week or week and a half, I've been so overly emo. Like every little thing makes me want to cry my eyes out and I'm not usually like that at all. And things really haven't been that bad for me lately in regards to everyday life. I got my medicaid back, finally. No one is really bugging me. I do get occasional days or nights where a neighbor is too loud, but it hasn't been overly bad the past few days or anything. I don't know, I'm just supremely sad.

My one bad thing that happened this week was Yahoo Answers suspended my account. I have had an account with Yahoo for twelve years or more. Never had a problem. Answered a few questions on Answers, put my blog link in because it was one hundred percent relevant to the questions being asked. Sure enough, got a suspension letter. Why? Because it is illegal to put any blog link in on Yahoo Answers, ever. Like I knew that, right? Appealed twice, got told no, both times. They will never take the account off suspension, ever, until the end of time and beyond. Felt like I was on a Star Trek planet where you violated some unknown rule and they gave you the death penalty for it. "Ignorance of the law is no excuse", and they shoot you dead. Game over. Great policy they have for long term members. Apparently, my over twelve years there had no bearing on anything. I broke a rule and that's it, dead meat.

It's so easy to forget that free speech really does not exist on the internet. Each site you go to is like its own country or planet. And each one has its own special and even hidden rules. And if you don't conform to each site's rules, you can and will be erased, suspended, banned for life. And some sites are far more draconian than others. I will never agree with Yahoo Answers' rule of suspended forever. I can see six months or a year, but forever, until the universe explodes is insanely harsh.

So, needless to say, I have been upset over that, but they did let me keep the rest of the account so far. It's just the Answers area that I'm forever, eternally banned from, at least on that account.

Anyway, being overly emo sux. Must be a hormonal thing.

In other news, I am still making money. And spending it just about as fast on just living, even though I keep saying I need to put some away. I'm just grateful I can make it right now. I don't know, maybe some of those surveys have been depressing me, too. They always ask questions about things I can't do anymore, and that is depressing. Either way, I feel like I just want to bawl my eyes out at every little thing. I don't feel depressed, just sad.


So sorry, Carrigon. It's so hard to do this, but try to remember that your emo days will pass. I get them too, Here's hoping they pass very quickly.
Carrigon: Ditto!! I have them too; can not stand it! It is like being controlled by something/someone else. It is so frustrating to feel that you are at the mercy of some other force, but knowing that force is... you! Like you, I don't feel depressed, just very sad, and very frustrated when these days come.

Hang on to the fact that they WILL pass. They will! So hard to believe when you are in the middle of them. So exhausting, I know; and the last thing you need when you are tired beyond belief already.

BTW, I cannot believe Yahoo's handling of your situation. Unreal.

I am wishing you peace and that these days pass immediately for you.. like RIGHT NOW! Hope it helps to know you are so not the only one who experiences these things.
A quick google search and you'll find many similar Yahoo nitemares. Apparently, they will suspend you from Answers even if you don't do anything wrong. They only go by whatever troll reports your answer or question. You are guilty with no possibility of being innocent. No trial, no jury, no nothing. They will just kill you whenever they feel like killing you over there. They rarely ever overturn a suspension. They do allow you to make a new account, however, they don't care if you have alot of time and effort and everything else tied up in the one you have. Yahoo is worse than Youtube. And Youtube has gotten insanely bad.

On Youtube, anyone from anywhere can claim they own the song in your video and Youtube will flag it as a copyright violation. They don't have to prove they own the song, all they have to do is say they do. You can get a twelve year old troll claiming they own the rights to stuff in your video and Youtube will give you hell over it. Alternately, I've seen them issue copyright violations to parents of toddlers who sang a few lines of song in a home video. If a four year old sings a few lines of song, it's a copyright violation over there. Youtube is alot more flexible than Yahoo, though, they will let you really appeal it and they do listen. I had one of my videos get flagged and they overturned it because it was fair use.

The net is a real jungle.
While I rarely have sad, emotional days now, I do remember when they were knocking me over in the dark days (of my chronic pain & exhaustion).

I always found a good cry released all that negative stuff & I felt much better afterwards.

And of course, I tried to keep in mind that these feelings would pass - I just had to hang in there for another 3-4 hours (to get through the worst of that episode & feel much, much better).
A good cry is therapeutic, I agree. Try this for irony, though: since CFS/ME (17 years) I am now allergic to my own tears! My eyes swell up and burn and I get a whopping headache if I cry. Before CFS/ME I had zero allergies.
Valentinelynx, I'm allergic to the world now, too. It seems like every day is a challenge to find something I'm not allergic to or that won't make me sick.
Sending you some **hugz**

Ive been banned from a site from doing something i didnt do. (i got accused of cheating on a popular game site i used to love.. i didnt thou cheat!, being Asperger's i just tend to keep notes on my own game play and knew to much on the game, so ended up being accused of trying to cheat.

I also got banned from being able to use IRC, they think im some kind of professional hacker or something.
One day something went wrong and it wouldnt work for me so i contacted a mod.. they couldnt fix things so gave me a code to use to try. I was tired so left things that day and tried it a months later.. forgetting what it was for.. i used the code given.. and suddenly then i find Im banned as I was then accused of Hacking into the system!! They wouldnt believe it was all a mistake.

Then on top of that.. i got banned from two CFS/ME support groups online.. after i became suicidal. (it wasnt allowed to be mentioned and i mentioned it).

So ive got quite a history on being banned from places i really liked and used to spend a lot of time in.

I hope you find a place you like better.

ohh and yeah i understand what you say about the surveys. I used to do them and at times things in them would make me sad as the questions assume you are like everyone else..

. I also had extreme trouble doing them as I struggled to answer things as my memory is so poor. (so was worried i'd end up being found i was giving different answers, cause much of the time i was having to just guess as i couldnt give answers due to my memory). Doing them also caused me to crash a few times as it was hard thinking on my brain, so I dont nowdays do them.
I think suicide should be allowed to be mentioned on CFIDS/ME forums. Especially since long term severely ill patients are very prone to it. And it is unfair of anyone who doesn't have it severe to insist we never speak of it. They ought to try having it that severe for twenty years and not the mild way alot of them have it. When you are forced to be in a kind of solitary confinement year after year and can no longer enjoy anything in life, you have a right to speak of suicide. The problem on alot of these forums is that there is too much range of how mild and how severe alot of people have it.

I still have trouble with memory and the surveys. I try to keep a pad with me and write down brand names, but they trip me up with crazy questions. Like they'll ask you if you ate out on a Wed and was it dinner or lunch. Then they ask you a million other things and pages later they'll ask you again if it was on a Wed and you can't remember.

Being banned from anywhere sux. And I still think our IP should be private and no one should have access to it. It drives me crazy that any site anywhere can see your IP address. We can proxy, but most proxy's suck and slow your connection to a crawl.

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