No More TV at My House

Today, I got hit with an electric bill from the place I live at. They had given me a letter over the summer that I didn't have to pay anything for those months, but apparently, they screwed up. So I got hit with a bill. I did put away money toward the electric, but when they said I wouldn't have to pay, I was then going to use it for my car inspection. So now, I don't know if I can pay to get the car inspected yet. I might be able to do it this one last time if the car doesn't need anything major. Otherwise, I'll be out the car, too.

I spent an hour crying after I got the bill, and then I called Comcast. I have an appointment for them to pickup the cable boxes next week. And there won't be any tv service to my home anymore. I can't afford it, not with this bill. The place I was living at before this, the electric was included in the rent. There were no surprises. I didn't know this place would be more expensive. I did ask, they just refused to tell me anything each time I did.

I'm just really upset. I can't manage on the small disability check at all. I was able to manage at my old place, but not here. I'm paying in spades for the peace, quiet and safety I have now.

This is what happens when you are too sick to work. You lose every single thing in your life, one piece at a time.

I can watch stuff over the net. I won't die. I watch most things online now anyway. But just losing something I've had my whole life and something most people take for granted, you know. That's what hurts.

I don't know how much more I can take. The loses don't seem to end. And I really am not well enough to function in this world.


I think the financial losses are really painful. They are for me anyway. Losing our ability to work and provide for ourselves is really hard. And although I'm grateful disability benefits exist, they really are so low. Getting by on disability alone is a real challenge and honestly at times doesn't seem possible. Especially when being sick is so expensive itself, with meds, supplements, doctors, and special health needs that cost money.

I often think if I had a lot of money, like won the lottery or something I could really deal with being sick pretty well. I could move someplace quiet so I could get much better rest and not get woken up all the time from noise. I could hire someone to cook, take me to doctor appointments, and things like that. I could pay for housecalls. No matter what some people say, I think money or lack of it can make a serious difference in life and health. Especially for people who don't have social resources (family and friends who help significantly), money can make all the difference. It's sad that along with losing our health and independence many of us lose our ability to provide for ourselves and care for our health, which does cost money.

Thank God for internet at least, We replaced cable with online netflix, the price is much much better., but I understand what you're saying about having to bear yet another blow. I'm sorry to hear about this new development Carrigon. I hope the new year is going to bring some better changes for you, and for all of us.
Well, I dug out my antenna and a few scans later, I have like four channels or so. I get NBC and FOX, and a local movie station that plays old movies. So at least the tv is not totally dark. I can watch the local news. So that is some consolation. And the reception is the same as cable. So I guess I'll live. I'm just super upset at losing something we all grew up with and take for granted. Plus the fact that no matter how much we've asked for it, Comcast refuses to do a low income package. They do an economy package, but that's still over a hundred bucks a month. And once they hit you with taxes and such, it can be closer to a hundred and twenty. It's not the same as offering a truly low income program.

I am sick of having to lose everything in my life due to this disease. It's always, you can't have this, you can't have that, you can't eat much of anything cause it all makes you sick. Forget going to parties, social gatherings, can't do that. Can't keep up a friendship. Can't work, can't go to school. Everything is can't. And there's no way to fix it. I really do not know what to do anymore.
I'm in a down patch too and sometimes it feels like everything is going wrong. It's hard when so much of life is a struggle and the financial burden on top of it really is stressful. I didn't grow up with cable and didn't have it often as an adult so I don't miss it like you do, but we each have our things we are attached to or have sentimental value for so I totally understand. Plus when you're home sick all the time TV is often one of the few things you can do, so it's even worse losing it than it might be for someone healthy who can go out and do things. For me, if I were to lose my internet I can't imagine how I'd get by since passing time clicking around online from my bed or sofa is one of the very few things I can manage. I hope you will catch a break soon and something good will be around the corner to balance out all the difficult stuff at least a bit. Sending good wishes for 2012.
Things were better today. I'm getting all the local channels free now. I even still have CW, so I can watch Vampire Diaries on Thursday. When I get a bit of money, I'm going to get a better antennae and get all the local channels on my other tv, too. So there is life after cable tv :D

They credited me immediately, so I will have the money for my electric bill from now on. And I have the money for my car inspection and an oil change, so if my car doesn't need anything major, I will hopefully be able to keep it this year. So things are looking up right now. I'm less stressed.

And today, the pseudofed worked and I was able to do quite alot. Wasn't lightheaded, but I was jacked up on the stuff and felt like I was on speed, but it was tired but wired. It kept the POTS away, once it kicked it, it really helped. Can't take it all the time, though, but when I need it, sometimes it works.

Happy New Year!
Oh good news. I was thinking of you and just coming by to say I hope you're having an okay day today. Glad to read that update. I also get those same free channels, including CW :D Happy new year! Fingers crossed for a better 2012.
Let's hope things will start to get better. We need good news, happiness, and alot less pain.
Hi Carrigon,
I identify with everything in your post.

It's so surreal to live in a country of unimaginable wealth and resources while what little I have left continues to crumble and rust away around me. The constant, relentless advertising is a form of cruelty: "If you weren't sick and poor, you too could have a car that's not a rustbucket, oil for central heat, an oven that works, maybe even a roof that doesn't leak. And lots of toys. Or how about a vacation from your illness??"

It's like standing out in the cold, shivering and hungry, and watching happy people in a warm restaurant ordering whatever they like from the menu. And knowing they don't have to beg for it.

I completely understand the TV thing - it's so damn boring to be home, laid out flat, all the time. But I have found I can no longer tolerate most TV programs or movies. They all insist on using that horrible jerky-cam sh*t, which makes me physically ill and anxious. I have to resist the overwhelming urge to smash the TV. As far as I can tell, they use that crap to cover up the lack of story, acting, writing, and directing. Of course, the only purpose of the 'program' is to be filler between the revenue, I mean, ads.

I sure miss Turner Classic Movies. Big-studio Hollywood most certainly had many serious defects, but they did make quite a number of interesting movies, especially before the anti-commie blacklist era.

Oh well. At least I live next to Canada, so I can listen to CBC Radio One, which *never* has any ads, and quite a bit of decent programming.

Here's hoping 2012 will be a bit better than last year, for all of us!
just wanted to say im sorry your having a hard time...sounds like alot there any places that you have checked for help such as churchs or organizations? i know its easier said than done...but ihope that you find some many times the tv and computer is our only communication with the outside world because we are too sick to participate in the real world..

i just wanted you to konw your not alone...ive worked my whole life and loved it...loved staying busy buying my kids stuff they needed and wanted...i was never rich but i could buy pizza or fast foods more often etc...when i had to quit i felt like a faliure...worse is my extended family..sister dad etc..keep asking when am i going to find a job...they know im ill ...but just dont get it..

it is hard every single day to get out of bed...bathing is a chore...anything is a wiped out all day in pain and fatigue 24/7...if i could work i would...i cry all the time....

im glad you have your computer to be on and to watch some stuff and i hope that things get bettre for you..take care and try to stay upbeat about it all...i konw its hard..but your not alone..
sending hugs
jimells Yeah, it is like that. Always out in the cold. Not allowed to participate in life. I call it being benched. Not allowed to play the game, you must sit there and watch.

I can't stand the ads, too. Especially all the food ads. Most foods make me sick now, so it wouldn't really matter if I had the money for them. Anything I buy tends to make me ill.

I watched the London fireworks on Youtube, really beautiful. And I'm watching the new Muppet movie. There is life after cable tv.

I'm just depressed. I want to go places and do stuff, and I've been so sick lately. I don't sleep well, and I have the fatigue of death on top of everything else. It is depressing to have to be in all the time. There's alot I'd like to do, but I'm never well enough, so it wouldn't even really matter if I had the money. I'm just not well enough to live in this world. Nothing gives me energy. Even if I jack myself up on pseudofed, it's a tired but wired feeling. Like I can do more, but I'm still tired doing it, and then the next day I'm dead from it.

A vacation from this disease would be a miracle from God.

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