New granddaughter :) / Anxiety missing appointments

Ive got a brand new granddaughter Tasmin Eve my daughter has named her. She's got a lot of thick hair just like my daughter had when she was born.

Im very happy about this new granddaughter as i really love children (I wish I had some more if i wasnt sick), and as other grandchild I dont get to see as my other daughter dont talk to me (our relationship got destroyed due to the CFS/ME). Im hoping to I'll get to see my grand daughter (and daughter) regularly.

My daughter brought the new babe around to see me today for the first time :) (and actually visited me for half an hr, I dont see her often and when i do its usually a much shorter time she visits).

I just had to take an anti nausea pill so I can take one of my anti-anxiety pills.

Im very stressed out right now as I found out I got my days confused (yet again :( ) and hence now have missed a medical test I was meant to go in for today. (I get stressed when I know someone eg doctors or whateever are going to be annoyed at me, Im dreading what they will say about the missed appointment).

This is the second appointment Ive stuffed up in a month, my boyfriend only has been away for a couple of days and Im already stuffing them up :( (he usually makes sure I dont confuse them). Im feeling so useless that I cant even get myself to appointments when I do little else. My low self confidence just took yet a further dive, its to the point now I feel like I cant do much at all right.

On top of that, I have another medical appointment to get to in the morning and with boyfriend away, I cant get a ride there for the time Im meant to be there by (so will be 20mins late ..a neighbour is going to take me but she needs to take child to school first .. i feel sick knowing Im going to be late and its first up in the morning so I wont be able to get in touch with them by phone).

Last night I went without dinner not once, but TWICE. I burnt it once so tried to cook it again and burnt it the second time. I then gave up as I couldnt bring myself to try to cook a third time, so went hungry.... so no nice dinner for me last night.

I wish I could get some home help, the amount Im burning and the food waste is ridiculous. I wish my doctors understood how much I struggle at home. Cause I have an illness they dont understand how bad my struggles are, no home help for me.

Currently unable to multi task.. burning things even while in kitchen as I was trying to cook something on the stove while trying to toast something which was meant to go in the dish.

Last night a friend stayed at my house and he rang me earlier to tell me he's now sick cause of my house. While he was here, another friend of his showed up and commented on my house smelling like mold.

He wouldnt listen when I told him I know this house is bad for health and he then spent 45 mins quite forcefully. giving me a big lecture that I need to do something about this. :( :(

In the past I contacted the health dept in the past over it, along with the government housing people I rent the house from.... my mother in past contacted them too (after she slept here one time and woke up to find the bedding on the floor wet.. water was seeping up the floor boards.
It's not doing that now as cracked roof tile was fixed but i think the walls and under floor are full of mold).

I wish my friend wouldnt give me such a hard time.. i tried for many days to get this issue sorted out in the past and I have too many other issues right now Im stressing about (eg the court case.. Im wanting to get rid of my lawyer who wants me just to plead guilty to somethign to make the case easier).

Right now Im soooo overwhelmed with things.. with just trying to live, the simple stuff is being overwhelming to me (eg cook, ring people Im meant to ring, get to my medical appointments).


Im going over and over in my head what my friend said to me... he even said I should sleep outside till the house issue is fixed. My yard thou is almost thigh high in grass and there is a risk there could be one of our aussie deadly snakes out there in that. There is also almost a mouse plague outside in my yard (mice were running everywhere last time someone cut it back a little) and im petrified of mice.. i scream when I see one.

My yard gets like that as im too unwell to do it myself and people who I was going to pay, didnt show up and the told me they dont now do lawns. Now its a jungle out there. (while another guy took my money and then didnt even finish it!!)

Im shocked he thought I could go and sleep outside as he dont think my house is livable. (Im sick of people making ridiculous comments.. Im doing my best).

Unfortunately the friend who is making the comments, is the one who had given me a lawnmower which got stolen in the housebreakin which happened to me last year.. so Im just silently taking all his lectures on things. (otherwise I'd ask him to mow my lawn if he expects me to sleep outside).
I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now. I don't know the Australian system, so I have no advice, only empathy.

Re your grandbaby news, congratulations. Tasmin Eve is a beautiful name. Hopefully the love you both have for her will make the relationship between you and your daughter stronger as well.

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