My second week (of semi-retirement)

Really well written Victoria. I wish I could say more...too tired. I can totally relate to work or information overload and being done afterwards. I hate big decisions or deadlines. I am dealing with a webguy right now for my site and after talking to him, I become quite ill. I don't understand it and it's taxing and requires you to be on top or your game when I am under the sheets.

Keep writing for us....

Its amazing how draining paperwork is and how stressful it is meeting with govt bureacrats. I hope all that goes well and then we'll see what's next; life throws us all kinds of punches - you finally get out of the job and the sciatica flares up. You never know but I love your slow as it goes - don't overtax - be in the moment approach.

I have hated big decisions for years, but it's quite hard to explain to anyone how stressful, complex conversations & thinking is. i also get tired with long personal phone conversations.

I asked my older Brother to doublecheck my answers on the Social Services application forms. He looked at me a bit strangely. Anyway he did find a couple of questions I had missed, as well as my interpreting a question the wrong way.

So, while I have supportive family now, I still don't think they understand that I am no longer the intelligent, quick thinking, wonderwoman. Sometimes I think I've got early dementia or alzheimers. Other times I can think quite clearly & even very quickly.

But I can only remember one or two tasks at once, & occasionally, I am stuck in the middle of the street unable to remember where or why I am there. Like I said, it's like early alzheimers.

Occasionally, I'll come out with something witty & clever, but not often now. Which reminds me, I starting doing internet crosswords a few days ago & have forgotten already that I vowed to do one every day.

I did alot of my job on "autopilot". It was a repetitious job. I typed the same words say 10,000 times in 16 years, that's one of the reasons why I was able to keep working full time for so many years (in case some members are wondering).

When my pain levels were bad & didn't respond to analgesics, I switched my brain to "autopilot" and most of the time, I managed to "land safely" at the end of the work day.

But I did "crash" a few times at work also, necessitating a quick trip to the local hospital ER (one time via ambulance).

Just because I worked full-time doesn't mean it was easy to do this.

But on the whole, I reckon I did a pretty good job in the last 2-3 years, considering .

Cort, I received a letter this morning making an appointment for discussing ongoing or addititional job seeker requirements.
Job seeker requirements?

I rang the company. I explained I'd just finished my job 2 weeks ago for health reasons. I would envisage spending some months resting & improving my pain management.

Apparently, my job capacity assessor has misunderstood what I said, when I said that one day I hoped to do some part time work again (as I didn't want to stay home for the rest of my life - here, I was trying to be positive).

I cancelled the appointment for next week.

I rang the job capacity assessor. She wasn't available, so I left my name, number & reason for the call.

I sat by the phone. Waiting.

2 hours later the Job Seeker Agency rang me back. i explained that the Job Capacity Assessor still hadn't returned my call.

And hour later, the Assessor rang & we cleared up the confusion (about my desire for a part time job. One day, I said.).

Then I rang the Job Seeker Agency back to confirm that the confusion was cleared. If i didn't do that I would be "on record" as having refused to attend a Govt appmnt.

And then, .........something else.

This stuff is tiring (& expensive on my mobile phone - I don't have a landline now).

So it's hot, I'm tired & it's only 4.15pm in the afternoon...................And I'm undressed, in a loose robe & ready for bed. That Bl**dy dog next door barked half the night & I only got a few hours sleep.

In fact, I'm feeling downright grumpy today.

Happy one day, grumpy the next...........

:In bed:

So sorry you're being tortured by both sciatica and government forms.

So glad you're taking time in your garden.

It's great to hear what's happening with you on this blog, Vicki, even though I know it isn't all great to get through. The mills of bureaucracy grind exceeding slow and exceeding small, maybe your work experience will give you the ability to get through it all...and I do think that, someday, you might be excellent as a Forms Consultant.

But you need a lot more R&R first. I'm glad you're getting acupuncture. What alternative remedies have you tried for the sciatica? (this is preparatory of course to showering you with possible things to try, you've been forewarned.)

I do understand how weird it is to have your brain go, I have been used to relying on my intellect and the hardest thing for me has been getting to the place where I could no longer make it work until deadline and then collapse - it had already collapsed. The good news is that, after 4 months on Freddd's active B12 (and a million other supplements) protocol, my brain, like my energy, is slowly slowly coming back. The minute I think I'm finally all there I do something like start a sentence and forget what I was saying in the middle of it - but still there is slow improvement and I'm grateful.

I hope once you finally get through the labyrinth of govt. forms - or maybe it's more like that other Herculean task, shoveling out the stables - you will find your brain slowly, gently returning in a new and refined form. And if you want a visually beautiful, feel-good film recommend, Wake Up Sid is a wonderful Indian film I just found on Netflix.