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methylation recovery log 7/6/15 - 7/7/15

That time of the month again PR! Unfortunately I have no fancy graphs to show you guys this time as my energy showed little change throughout the 30 month period. I am not discouraged by the lack of progress however as I was sick with the common cold for most of the time. (I put 'sick' in the comments for my notes 25 out of 30 days) Despite my sickness and my fatigue I still managed to get a lot done, all things considered (such as taking a class over the winter break). I also have increased the dosages of my supplements over the period (currently up to 20mg of AndeoB12 a month, 15mg of MethylB12 a day, 260mg of L-Cartine Furmate a day and around 5 mg methylfolate a day) with positive results. Methylfolate is especially strong when taken in the right circumstances.

I also feel after having done 4 months or so of trying to deal with my methylation I am qualified to speak some of my thoughts on how to better deal with it in general.

1. Get healthy: I think the main reason why I've been able to increase my dosages quickly is because I had an incredibly solid base. I've been eating incredibly clean for 2 years now (gluten, grain, sugar and diary free). I do a moderate amount of cardiovascular exercise, all things considered. I've had dozens of tests done, blood tests, x-rays, colonoscopy's and so on. My health is pretty fantastic given all the shit that's been thrown at me.
And I think that's why I was able to manage CFS back in the day and why I started doing so well when I started on Freddd's protocol. I had the foundation of good health to build on. I also had my age to thank (I'm currently 20), which leads to my next point...

2. Be grateful: This is really, really fucking hard to do. If you haven't seen results I wouldn't bother with trying this.
But if you have seen results, then you're an idiot if you don't reflect on them once a week. I don't care who you are, if you're seeing results by tackling CFS through methylation then you can probably expect more if you figure your problems out. Yes it's expensive, frustrating and difficult. But it should be pretty obvious to anyone who's dealt with this that good health is one of the most valuable things you can possibly possess.
Oh and I'm not suggesting you should do this for some newage self-empowerment wishwash. There is legitimate science linking gratitude to improved quality of life. And if you're like me, you need to stack the deck as well as you can when dealing with this condition. And yes, I know that being grateful when you're in the middle of crashing and everything feels like a million miles away and you couldn't care less about what's going on is next to impossible, but try to do it anyway. Being able to do shit when you don't feel like doing it is probably one of the most useful skills you can acquire, with or without CFS.

3. It's usually not sleep: I've become closely acquainted to a pretty feeling this year. It consists of no motivation, lack of focus, clumsy movements, lowered situational awareness and awful brainfog. Oh and an overwhelming desire to get into bed and sleep.
Funny thing is, I usually just lie in bed feeling awful. Sometimes this lasts minutes, sometimes longer. But 9 times out of 10 I will get up without falling asleep and go do something else. I don't seem to be able to fall asleep when I feel like this.
Now, the funny thing about all this is that usually the problem is I am just missing a supplement (usually didn't take enough MethylB12 or folate, sometimes its a cofactor like vitamin D). I don't keep track, but I would estimate 90% of the time I feel exhausted in the middle of the day I didn't take enough of something. And the amusing part about all this is that I automatically assume that I'm just fucked and the rest of the day will be awful. And usually it is, for about an hour until I realize I'm full of shit.
Which leads me to my final point...

4. Muscle testing: Fantastic, amazing. Probably the most useful tool I have in dealing with CFS. Thank you so much caledonia for introducing me to this technique. No idea how it works, but it definitely works (for figuring out supplements at least). I'll leave it to this video to explain as I have a feeling I would just botch it. Anyway if you're not using muscle testing and dealing with CFS you should definitely start (I wont call you an idiot due to the woowoo nature of muscle testing but omg its so handy).

So I hope this helps someone. I also hope I get over the cold I currently have (its a fucking killer). If everything goes well the next one of theses should be unashamedly excited. I'll leave you with a piece of writing I submitted for the creative writing class I'm taking. Hope you enjoy.

Thanks

Two monks are walking in a wood. They had both been recently released from a prison that they had been held in for over a year. Due to their day job consisting of observing reality or giving wisdom to any souls who came to them, being imprisoned didn't set them back when it came to promotions or take up their sick leave. Nevertheless, one of the monks, the younger, more self-centred one said something along the lines of "Wow I cannot believe I had to endure being locked up for a year against my will. That's all kinds of fucked up."
To which the other monk, being older, wiser and having seen his share of life's ups and downs responded with "Yes, we did spend an awful year in prison, but on the bright side, we are free and it could've been much worse. Our captor could have killed us or tortured us or even fed us poorly. But he did none of those."
The younger monk responded with something like "But all that time wasted! I almost went crazy in there - who cares if he didn't torture me? I want to go back there, kill the person who held us and burn the place down!"
If the practice of psychology had been invented, the older monk would have said something along the lines of "You haven't processed the experience and until you do you will be slightly neurotic and overcompensate in some way to deal with your issues". But since it was a simpler time, he said "While you still hate him, you are still in your cell".

Now if this was just a simple parable, we would end here. Instead we will continue.

The younger monk, self-conscious of the accurate analysis of the situation did not speak for the rest of the journey home. When they reached their monastary, they were warmly greeted by the other monks, but nobody made a big deal out of their disappearance. The younger monk was hurt by this - he had endured so much, yet nobody shared his anger. After failing to convince others he was a victim, he ran away from the monastary in anger and went to the big city.
In the city, he picked up a trade and due to his self-discipline, open heart and natural charm earned through years of spiritual practice, he became incredibly proficient at his trade. But he wanted more. He wanted people to respect him and he wanted power over others. He decided to take a risk by trying his hand at business. He started a company which quickly became successful.
As the years went on, the company grew and brought him money, power and status. But as his physical presence in the world increased, his inner world crumbled. His self-discipline eroded as he celebrated his successes through physical excess. His open heart closed as he found himself betraying and betrayed by others. And his natural charm became jaded cynicism as he saw his company gentrify interesting and vibrant neighbourhoods by bringing in overpaid employees who couldn't stand ambiguity. And so as the traits that helped him build his company left him, it began to fall to pieces. Eventually he was overworked, both universally hated and feared by everyone in the city and generally unhappy with the whole state of affairs.
So one morning after a night of unsuccessfully trying to quell the existential horror at what he had become by drowning his brain in alcohol, he decided that he was a just an innately shitty person. This idea was liberating as it meant he could justify all the awful consequences of his actions as the result of him being inherently 'evil'.
Unfortunately he couldn't trick himself into accepting this reality as he still possessed a degree of self-awareness. He was aware that he had made the choice to bypass regulations, bribe local politicians and ransack the environment all to increase the profit margins of his business. He was aware the entire time he did so, there was a part of him that felt dead. The only times it didn't was in the midst of productivity or when he was drowning himself in sensation. Stopping that feeling, that was what drove him. And finally, he knew of the misery he had caused to his fellows in the pursuit of stopping the hurt.
Therefore he came to the conclusion that things were quite fucked up and would probably be very hard to change because of all the unmotivated / angry / selfish / starving people and that he was embarrassed and ashamed and overwhelmed and also recovering from a 'royal-fucking-hangover'. He therefore found that climbing to the top of a building and throwing himself off to be the optimal solution, all things considered.

In the group of people that gathered around him was the older monk. He had spent the last couple of years following his vocation and passing through the city. He recognised his former colleague body and felt sad that it had come to this. He walked away from the crowd as more and more people gathered. As he did, he offered up his eulogy to the world:
"While he might have never left that cell, he furnished it quite nicely."

And so ends a post-modern parable.

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