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Matching Test: Who the Hell are These People?

Let's have some fun, shall we? I'm totally serious. We're going to have more fun than a one horse open sleigh caught in the midst of a never-ending heatwave. For the past nine days we (the Lower Desert People of Arizona) have been between 114° and 118° each and every afternoon. Imagine that! And if you are having difficulty imagining that, imagine instead, temporarily residing within an actively preheating oven, perhaps the kind aiming to make some brownies.

Yummm ... I miss brownies!


We have one of those camera doorbell systems, the kind that tracks the physical movement of those who approach my door directly, or even those happening to be pass by within close enough proximity. I'm sure you are familiar with the technology. YouTube wouldn't be the same without it.

The particular people in question, the images that appear below, are people with whom I've interacted. Or perhaps I haven't. That's for you to decide. And then also, it's for you to decide the truth in my statements rendered.

So the question is, are my observations based on fact and within a true reality? You decide.

Seriously. This will be more fun than a Barrel of Monkeys trapped inside a barrel of Klingon blood wine while shooting fish within yet another barrel. Or maybe it's best if you picture those Matryoshka dolls - one inside the other inside the other inside the other, ad infinitum.

Match Game Rules (the Prime Directive)

So again, the basics - once you've matched a description to its related picture, please indicate whether or not the information depicted about this particular person is fully true, partially true, or utterly false. There may be a prize for a perfect score - nothing monetary, of course, unless you really need the dough. I've got all kinds of petty cash on hand - small bills for riding the bus, and also, some loose change.

Please note: this is the ideal game to play when you're stuck in bed, or stuck in traffic, or in the midst of trafficking substances unknown, to people unseen

If this task seems to be a bit arduous, choose 5 options to match, instead of all 15. :)


“I am a woman who is 6 ft 11 and I live next door. I've been reported to the police multiple times due to my constantly barking and out of control dogs. But that was then, and this is now. So now, I am more courteous. Or perhaps it's just that my dogs are each a billion years old and are all barked out with no place to go.”


“I am The Wife Person. I grew up in Clarendon Hills - a place without any hills. Imagine that! I let Howard move in with me 11 days after we met, because he was staying in a dirty disgusting dangerous place with a slightly less dangerous, yet suspiciously glib, female person.”


“I am the one and only original Navajo Caregiving Woman. Howard is a decent guy, except he drops a lot of f-bombs, probably because he's in pain. Or he's ill-mannered. Ill tempered?”


“We are the Purple Twins - a lawfully wedded couple who've been arrested twice before for lewd and lascivious behavior, having been caught in compromising positions within the community jacuzzi. There's just something enlivening about chlorinated water. Oh, by the way, he's Zan and I am Jana. Wonder Twin powers activate!”


“I am a teapot, short and stout. But I'm not really short. Nor am I stout. I see Howard all the time and do nothing more than smile and joyously wave as he rolls past me, while perhaps briefly commenting on the current weather situation in seven words or less.”


“I look like Howard's dead grandmother. The one from Florida. The one who was Excommunicated back in 1973. In reality, I am the 16th Street Case Manager. I have 11 cats and one husband. Or perhaps it's 11 husbands and one cat. I talk incessantly. I listen incessantly, too. Everything I do is either over the top, or under the bottom.”


“I know there's a meth lab around here somewhere,” he explains to his companion. Admittedly, these are interlopers, so I don't know their names. Let's call them Tweaker Do and Tweaker Don't! Clearly, they are on the make.”


“Should I steal the Amazon package or should I go to Filibertos for a Taco Salad (with extra avocado)? I am a stranger in a strange land. Nobody knows who I am.”


“I am a slow woman afoot who drives a fast and loud and furious car. My mother and I are from Russia. I happily wave to Howard each time I see him. Most of the neighbors hate me because my vehicle is way too loud and my dog is vicious and my boobs are all over the place. I guess that's why. They not tell me to face.”


“I am Statue Man! My sneakers melted into the concrete and now I am permanently stuck… unless I take off my sneakers. But I paid $74 for these puppies, so I'm going to wait until it cools off… probably mid-October or so.”


“My wife and I take a morning walk in our pajamas. And that's not unusual, something we used to do in Bangladesh. You may find it interesting that I currently own a business selling used squirrels, and we're not talking taxidermy!”


Navajo Girl #6 - “I am a full-time girl / part-time caregiver. I've been working for this caregiving company going on 3 months … and Howard is only my second client ever. My first client was back in May, I worked a four hour shift and that was the end of that. Oh, by the way, my favorite band is Slayer!”


“I am a caregiving woman who is allergic to door knobs. Not the stupid human kinds of knobs, but instead, actual physical door knobs! You see, I have a skin condition. Or perhaps I am simply a germaphobe addicted to German strobe lights at the discotheque.”


“Phlebotomy is the name of my game. Although I am, at times, absent-minded. Then again, I draw blood. Yet I am not artistic in the least. Although, perhaps the past red splatter patterns of my making, a la Jackson Pollock, would creatively suit me.”


“It's 117°, I am wearing long sleeves, and I have a roll of masking tape around my left wrist. Meanwhile, I'm pointing at a gravity-defying gecko scurrying up the side of the building. Not that that's an unusual occurrence. Question to you - Who Am I?”

Match the numbered description to a letter below:


















I wanna play!
#1 - G - partially true
#2 - D - fully true
#3 - N - fully true
#4 - A - utterly false
#5 - M - partially true
#6 - K - fully true
#7 - F - partially true
#8 - E - partially true
#9 - C - fully true
#10 - I - utterly false
#11 - B - partially true
#12 - J - fully true
#13 - P - partially true
#14 - O - fully true
#15 - L - fully true
what about H? - "Hi there! I like to look as normal as possible while I go about my day, and I always give Howard a cheery wave when I see him. I get a lot of pleasure from having trained my dog to pee on his door every morning.". Fully true.
I wanna play!

Thank you for participating! Obviously I'll have to wait until others participate before the correct answers I revealed. Assuming other person's play. Which if they don't, is quite alright ... a fair amount of brain energy is involved.

When I have a bit more brain energy, I will return to play!

Thanks. Please, take your time. :)
Holy frick frack fruck....................I lost all my answers!
Ughhhhhhhh. One more time.

#1 G fully true
#2 D fully true
#3 O fully true
#4 A partially true
#5 H fully true
#6 K partially true
#9 C fully true
#11 B fully true
#12 J fully true
Last edited:
I wanna play!
When I have a bit more brain energy, I will return to play!
I'll take a stab at it.

I apologize for this fortitudinal exercise being so cumbersome.

Hmmm.... The word cumbersome triggered something within, please stand by...

On a side note, back when dating online was actually (more or less) dating in the local newspaper (utilizing the want ads section), just about every single personal ad contained phrasing regarding "long walks on the beach" ... and then also, all these women posting ads were unencumbered -

And you know what, I still don't know what that means. Really. I don't. And I'm not going to look it up. I am protesting the former usage of this word.

Also, I was super young back in those newspaper days and I didn't actually go out with any newspaper girls. It was more of an interesting past time thumbing through the ads, rather than combing through the ads looking for a minimum wage job or two.

Most probably, this "unencumbered" obsession was a local Arizona thing. Right?

You do make me laugh out loud

Haha! Good. I'm always amused by things, so it's good that someone takes on that stance as well. :)
#13 P
#14 N
#15 L fully true. Who am I? A painter?

Not sure about the rest.
Hey y'all, I'm going to wait to see if anyone else takes the challenge of the quiz before providing answers. :)

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