Life Experience / Expanding Horizons when ill

I have an acquaintance that runs a travel youtube. When she first began several years ago, I lived through her videos vicariously. I'd never been the type to seek out travel even before becoming ill. It seemed daunting. This acquaintance faced the unknown and consciously chose to live her life to the fullest each day. I admired her and began to feel inspired to do the same.

I lamented that I could not follow her footsteps due to illness. I felt that she was younger than me but so much more experienced and well-rounded. I felt her drift away from me as she gained new friends and stories. Our conversations became one-sided, because I had nothing to provide her when she asked what I was up to. She grew up and left the nest, while I remained immature and in bed.

Recently, my thoughts about this have started to change. I'm not having the typical adventure. It may not be interesting to others, but it can be interesting to me if I make it so. Maybe it can be fulfilling and teach me something the way that travel does for the normal person. Most people try new museums and restaurants- I try new doctors and new medical tests. These are things I'm lucky to be able to do, even if I'm not happy to do them. Once I've done them, I'm a slightly different person.

I've started to notice my surroundings more. I notice the decorations around the nurse's desk. I pay attention to the habits of the spider in my room. These have become my Eiffel Tower :rofl:

I couldn't think of a positive blog to write today. I've been ill and felt like one bad thing after another was happening. I was struggling to remain standing during my grandmother's funeral service when I realized, "I've never been to this type of funeral before. It's from a different culture and religion. It's bringing together family I'd never have seen otherwise." This is another step in life.

I'm a tree growing crookedly, perhaps even horizontally, but maybe I'm not as stagnant as I thought. There is no pleasure in the emotional or physical pain of illness, but this feels like part of the way towards acceptance.

(Thoughts jumbled towards the end there, but I'm out of energy. Maybe can fix it later)


I was watching a spider too in my room until it scared me so badly when it was suddenly right in front of me. Now I call my mom everytime I see one to take it outside. :) Your blog describes well how perception can change over time. Reading that you are experiencing that too makes me feel less isolated.
In my opinion the horizontal trees growing straight out of a cliff or crookedly twisted by severe winds yet somehow still thriving have always been the most beautiful and inspiring of all.

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