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I Miss Movement as an Outlet

When physical activity was an essential creative outlet, what to do when it's no longer available?

I was the slowest on sports teams as a kid (background fatigue issues from early childhood). But I always loved to swim. In my early 20s I got really into yoga, did it everyday for many years. Hiking. One year I biked everywhere instead of driving. Camping. Worked in the wilderness using hand tools and the power of my body.

Then I started to get into dancing. This was a huge deal for me, because I'd always felt uncomfortable with dancing, like it was too expressive of my body or something. It opened a new world. Yoga asana was a healing, spiritual practice, but dance felt more expressive and a way to confront repressed shame.

That came to a screeching halt only one year later when I got sick. Now, every time I try to do a yoga asana or a bit of dancing I crash.

I still get the email newsletters from my past life. I read about and watch people exploring movement as a way to heal trauma, connect with one's body and the earth.

Lately I'm studying astrology and learned that Mars is my chart ruler, which means physical activity is especially important for me (or anyone with heavy Aries in the chart). So I think for some of us, physical activity is an important means of self-expression and releasing excess fiery energy (like anger). Being Mars ruled makes sense, because even though I have no energy, I can somehow get angry about injustice pretty easily. Before, physical activity was an important outlet for that anger and fire energy. Now, it just festers.

So what does this mean for those of us who cannot move? Personal healing and a certain kind of non-verbal, bodily, expressive connection are out of reach for us? This feels cruel and unjust.

It feels so painful to have this kind of disability where basically any movement will make me sick. I save my energy reserves to do only certain movement: movement to feed my body, maintain my house, and earn a living. There's no energy left over for expression or creative movement.

It feels like a particular kind of ironic punishment. Anyone relate?

Comments

Yes.

To reach nature, I must go out there. And I can't any longer go very far, at all, And then trying to see and focus, I'm made gravely ill.

I've had the following experience- I studied Tai Chi for a number of years, in my early twenties. Long Long ago.

I basically learned about 1700 moves, and took four years to learn the basic FIRST phase.

Im ashamed I did not keep it up. A gift, and I disregarded it.

So years passed. And then, I started doing it again.

My point is I have sat on an airplane, unable to move, and I'll mentally undertake the 1700 movements, in my head. And after doing this, it feels really good, as if you ACTUALLY did the movements.

Perhaps you might be able to use a dance routine, or a particular hike, and somehow visualize it in your mind.

Now, concentrating is energetically costly, so I"d keep that in mind.
 
I love Tai chi! It was taught free at a park across the street when I was newly ill. Went to one class and that was all I could do.

Amazing you learned so many movements!
 
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I should try the mental movement thing more, for some reason I'm resistant to doing it. Maybe the energetic cost of concentrating, dunno.

They've found that PTSD victims can heal trauma by moving through certain things, whether it's dramatic acting or dance, etc -- better than talk therapy. I guess I resent that this avenue of recovery, my preferred method, is not available to us.
 

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Artemisia
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