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I Got the Chronic (The Lakers Beat the Supersonics?), or Chris Cornell & I Will Never

The thing about this illness that I so often forget, because I'm focused on the fatigue part: it's chronic. The way migraines, Diabetes, or back pain are chronic. So, to cope with any orthostatic intolerance (OI) or generally debilitating feelings of fog-head & paralysis, I watch TV. My need for pop culture/pop music needs quenching still, as, growing up, we were one of the few secular homes in America that did not watch TV. I have a lot to catch up on.

I had to let go of the idea that I did not have merely a thyroid condition like my mother, or an unusual need for sleep, as I'd heard both Mariah Carey & Penelope Cruz have (per interviews on E!). The realization that I had a chronic illness felt like the washing-over of emotion that I felt when I finally let go of the idea that Chris Cornell & I would ever be married. Even though I had been a Soundgarden fan since 9-1.

Most of the time watching a movie in the theater is out of the question (I fall asleep), and though I can catch them on cable sometimes, reality TV has become my new favorite. Unfortunately, I don't think there is a Dr.Drew of the CFIDS community. No place in Pasadena where we can go eat catered food & get successfully treated for something as legitimate as chemical dependency & sex addiction. As I drift off to sleep (totally conk out?), Tim Gunn comes to me giving sage advice about dealing with a chronic illness, saying things like, "Make sure you keep you in your choice of protocol, & above all, make it work!" Or how about Anthony Bourdain, taking me on a No Reservations tour of my own blood, cell walls, red cells, white cells, waiting to hear from him that there is something, anything, that "doesn't suck." Or Tom Collichio, sternly inspecting my latest try in a Quickfire Challenge to come up with the perfect homeopathic concoction (I play it safe every time; Padma tells me to please pack my vials & go)? Makes me long for the days of 120 Minutes, or any non reality-show on a music channel. But that was almost 2 decades ago, & that was when I was still well. It is, of course, the reality show I yearn to see.


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