House of the Dead: Crime and Punishment, The Idiot

Abracadabra

Seemingly out of nowhere a name popped into my head - the name of a particular person with whom I spent considerable amounts of time while he was staying here at the nursing home (back in the early days). So based upon intuition alone, I looked up his name on The World Wide Web. And guess what? He and his mugshot were Front Page News in the Valley of the Sun.

Generally speaking, that's a bad thing.

Here's a brief synopsis:

He passed out in his vehicle a few blocks from here. At an intersection, where civilian types of people tried to wake him from his untimely mid-afternoon slumber - failing miserably.

Then the cops showed up. And they noticed my passed out friend's handgun on the front seat. So as a precaution, the cops decided to block his car in, hoping to avoid a potential escape (yes, he has an impressively long rap sheet).

But, my former comrade suddenly woke up, and began violently ramming the cop cars, back-and-forth, smashing into them repeatedly before creating an opening.

News helicopters recorded the pursuit live, from one end of town to the other… maybe a couple of dozen miles.. until the police broke out their new Grappler Apparatus.

*I won't go into explicit detail, but apparently webbed woven straps shoot out from the pursuing vehicle, locking up the rear wheels by wrapping around the axle and tires.

Despite the vehicle being stopped, he wouldn't exit, so they shot him with less lethal rounds, before pulling him out of the vehicle through the driver's side window.

It's only been three months since I saw him last, but based on the mug shots, he looks much worse for the wear. And not only did they find weapons on him, they also found drugs.

So yeah, not a good day for my former acquaintance.

Early Days

When Smithy first showed up here (back in November), I thought he might be able to find his way out of the lifestyle. But as time wore on, it became apparent that he wasn't going to change. And the sad thing is that he's a brilliant guy, someone who's also extremely charismatic. He's the kind of guy you find running a successful multi-million dollar pyramid investment scheme - or he somehow makes a living selling heavily cut dime bags of heroin in and around the back alleys of Sunnyslope.

I'd imagine he's getting at least a decade in prison. He's already got warrants, anyway. And he's got children may never see again.

So it goes. Right?

Crime Spree #2

A $600 microphone went missing. Why would we have a $600 microphone here in the first place? Well, it belongs to our resident singer. And they believe our Resident Thief stole our Resident Singer's microphone. And yes, we've had police here before, in the thiefs room, doing police types of things… Mainly, investigating.

Our Resident Thief has been caught stealing several times already. And now, he lives in the room across from me.

He's a younger guy, and we actually get along. Or at least, we did. For the past six months or so, I'd been the only resident he regularly spoke to. Of course, criminal minds are attracted to me for some strange reason.

In any case, I'm hoping he spares me. And really, unless he wants medical supplies, bandages, medical tape, or 60 ml syringes, he's not going to get much of anything. I bring my valuables with me wherever I go. Except to the shower. Hmmmm…

Smoke Bust

And then our Resident Thief recently got busted for secretly smoking cigarettes. I actually overheard Social Services busting him from across the hallway. They mentioned that somebody reported him smoking in the courtyard during non-smoking hours. And the problem with that is … I am typically the only person outdoors from start to finish each and every day... which includes each and every non-smoking hour. So really, I'm hoping he doesn't suspect me of squealing on him.

Of course, in the past three days he's been staring me down, versus the typical always subtle, head nod - so it seems as though it may be on. Or perhaps he's switched teams!

Temperamental Temperament

She came waltzing out into the courtyard, aiming to get me. To retrieve me. To bring me back into the fold. But what I did not know was that she would literally "get" me. Understand me. Comprehend my words and intentions. Follow along without much difficulty or strain.

All along the return trek to my room I spouted off about this and that, seemingly unable to restrain myself. And with her pushing from behind me, I couldn't quite tell if she was grasping the content. But I somehow sensed she was. Or possibly it's that I sensed something else.

Clarity didn't come into being until after I settled back in bed. She completed a few tasks for me, and all the while her essence filled my room. Yes, her presence was full-bodied and strong, incomparably intense. Disarmingly present. Heck, she reminded me of someone I already know, someone I've already known virtually for a number of years.

Beyond that, her deep dark eyes tripped me up, mysterious to the extent that I easily became lost.

And then she threw me further off balance by making subsequent unannounced visits throughout the evening. Not only did I end up saying embarrassingly stupid things, I also wound up repeating myself, unintentionally explaining the same things I'd explained during previous visits.

Nope, that's not something I do with any frequency, much less in the same evening within a span of a few hours. Clearly, I was discombobulated. And really, let's blame her for some of this. Why? Because she spent an inordinate amount time standing there in front of me, just sort of … looking at me, feeling me out, or somehow, experiencing me.

Running out of inane things to say, I decided to turn the tables. It was her turn to speak. So I asked her if she was interested in personality typing… not only hoping to keep her busy, but also hoping she would reveal additional clues. That's when she mentioned being Phlegmatic.

"You are Sanguine!" she stated confidently.

"Ummm, really?"

"Yes, you are an entertainer, a risk taker, positive-minded…"

Hmmm. I remember reading something about these personality types sometime ago, but was at a loss for words.

A 'Google Me' Operation

In between her numerous visits, and based upon less than 30 seconds of research, I found the following at Psychologia.com:

"People with a sanguine personality type tend to be lively, optimistic, buoyant, and carefree. They love adventure and have high risk tolerance.

Sanguine people are typically poor at tolerating boredom and will seek variety and entertainment. Naturally, this trait can sometimes negatively affect their romantic and other relationships.

Because this temperament is prone to pleasure-seeking behaviors, many people with sanguine personalities are likely to struggle with addictions.

Sanguine people are very creative and can become great artists. Moreover, they are fantastic entertainers and will do well if they choose careers in the entertainment industry."

So I read this description to a few other people here, my friendly staff member friends at the nursing home, and they seem to agree with this description, stating it very much fits me. Still, I'm not quite sure. And I know this isn't really a scientific kind of thing, these kinds of temperaments.

Yet lo and behold, on the following day, my elderly friend Dora asked me about my temperament, explaining that she's Choleric (which makes a lot of sense, based on… things). Sooooo…. yeah. Not all coincidences are coincidental!

In any case, it's been awhile since I'd met someone who made me uncomfortable like that, forced me to pay rapt attention. Someone I needed (and desired) to observe intensely in order to…

Well, I still have no idea what hit me. But it seems I truly need these kinds of people in my life every so often. I need to be uncomfortable. I need to be uncomfortable in order to grow. Advance. Question values and self-assertions.


Despite this illness, does anybody else have regular access to true life experiences? In order to thrive, we need surprises (and the unexpected) in our lives. Unfortunately, there's a disproportionate amount of emptiness in illness.


Thank you for reading. I have another seven thousand words in the can, good, bad and otherwise. Hopefully I'll be able to post with greater regularity moving forward. I may be closer to resolving issues related to my recent downturn. Yay!!!

Take care,
Howard



a hot day beneath cirrostratus - cornered in the courtyard
20220511_162429_HDR~2.jpg

Comments

“does anybody else have regular access to true life experiences? In order to thrive, we need surprises (and the unexpected) in our lives. Unfortunately, there's a disproportionate amount of emptiness in illness.”

I suspect your right. But I don’t seem to coop that well with true life experiences anymore. I don’t experience your level of experience’s (lucky me) but they do come knocking on my door more often than I like.
On the other hand, if I got to experience as little as I really want to, I don’t think it would be good for me after all.
Almost like eating.. I think eating is rather tiering, but I have to eat to live, don’t I ?
(What a silly illustration for a man who doesn’t eat :lol:)
 
"..Despite this illness, does anybody else have regular access to true life experiences?"

My answer: drumroll: Not really.

My biggest recent Live Contact with another living human, was not directly being offered the senior discount at the local dispensary. Or maybe the clerks just know when in doubt, offer the senior discount to the Old Guy with the cane.

I spoke up, I"m a senior, too! (I was forced to go on this field trip), husband says I need to "get out more".

Good thing I got home quickly thereafter. Really bright out there~! (pretty bright, there in the courtyard, love the latest photo installment)

-Sorry to hear about Smithy. Curious how he went from in a nursing home to roadside police bumper cars. But I understand- medical privacy disclaimers.


Re: the personality types...I had to read up on that version. After years of INFT/J...whatever it is....you've fallen into extroversion, running Karaoke night (once the microphone gets relocated).

Reading- I see you can have combinations of those four types, thank goodness.

I seem to have issues with terminology that includes phlegm as a root word.

phleg·mat·ic
/fleɡˈmadik/

adjective

  1. (of a person) having an unemotional and stolidly calm disposition.
    "the phlegmatic British character"


Nobody will accuse me of That one.....
 
You don't strike me as being Sanguine. I think you're a Melancholy...deep and maybe a bit of a people pleaser but being outgoing is out of your comfort zone. Yes, you like the results when you try to be but it's not your all the time norm like it would be for a Sanguine.

Another good personality book to look into is the Birth Order Book by Dr. Kevin Leman. It's really accurate. (If you're the baby of the family you might like to entertain. The baby (not 5 years apart though) is the clown and makes the absolute best of sales people. (Of course, there is one other caveat he mentions to that in the book.)

Anyway, just my opinion on the not being Sanguine. You can also be a combo too but I don't think you're Sanguine.

This is the Author who's book I used to take the test years ago: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florence_Littauer (Go down the page a bit and it shows the breakdowns.)

Edit: Maybe you'll have to start a fun poll: "What personality type do you think Howard is?" :D
 
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Well, @Howard, now we know you're hanging around the criminal world. You certainly are....do they all gather in one place or something? I hope the man arrested doesn't make a return appearance as your roommate. Yes, I would say that he was definitely high on something and it wasn't life!

Hmm....personalities. I think they can change many times over our lifetimes, so it's very hard to pigeonhole someone with one type or the other. Well, at least the woman sounded like she knew something about everyone. How would you classify her?

It sounds more exciting around there than around here. Weren't you recently rather bored?

Well, stay away from the bad guys as I don't think you want your life to change yet again. Go carefully! Yours, Lenora
 
Birth Order Book by Dr. Kevin Leman.
Birth order is fascinating.

I was baby and decided to blame my ME on all the striving to keep up with adults. My brother six years old was who I hung out with. I rarely played with other children. How I ended up with my own child, I'll never know.

Of the two of us, my brother got the painfully shy genes from one side of the family and I got the charming outgoing ones. We could not be more different.

My husband is the middle child, and got to be abandoned. He loved it. The older one became the fuddy duddy, the youngest hung out with mom shopping.

My husband was the clown who became a salesman (like his outgoing father)

both my husband and I are extroverts who have become introverts.

I think Howard is largely an introvert who has discovered being an extravert is adaptive in the setting he is in....and after a considerable stint as the introvert ...why not try out a different approach.? You then can access whatever is necessary to pull off whatever is needed.

Its a form of Martial Art....
 
This is the Author who's book I used to take the test years ago:
not familiar with this specific test, but generally, I think they need to be much more clever in devising tests for personality.

Because you can just sort of tell from the questions....where your headed and its easy to introduce bias and skew the results.
 
Because you can just sort of tell from the questions....where your headed and its easy to introduce bias and skew the results.
Oh: I just confirmed my baseless opinion:...also the issue has come up in recent years that they are using personality tests to screen job applicants: bad idea.

Googling Says:
Indeed, up to 63% of applicants admit to faking on personality tests (Dwight & Donovan, 2003); 50% admit to exaggerating positive qualities, while 60% admit to de-emphasizing negative traits (Donovan, Dwight, & Hurtz, 2003).Jan 16, 2021
 
Hi everyone.....Yes, I understand that personality tests are used for many positions today. My daughter had seven, yes seven, interviews for a better position in a company that she had worked for for a no. of years. She was interviewed nine times for the original position. So many applicants....I don't know where the shortage of employees comes from (based on studies).

Also, I understand from friends who are or have been psychiatrists, pscyhologists, etc., that it's virtually impossible to "fake" these tests. Many things are taken into consideration and test results do end up showing the positive and negative traits of each individual, no matter how much the applicant tries to make it look one way or the other. Sometimes a negative personality is exactly what the company is looking for, especially in an executive position (someone who will take on the other side?). Again, many applicants are after these jobs. Even the wives are taken out for dinner (interviewed). It's a cutthroat world out there at times.

We're now retired and way past it....and that's just fine. Presentation is good, but it isn't "all." Yours, Lenora.
 
I had one job interview at 38 years of age, one phone call.

"Your Hired"....

I went to a job interview at 8 am for a job I actual knew I did not want. So the interview confirmed how much I did not want it.

I understand from friends who are or have been psychiatrists, pscyhologists, etc., that it's virtually impossible to "fake" these tests.
that could be, Im no expert. When I see questions in these tests myself, my answer is very subjective and subject to a changed response should I take the same test on some different day.

Now that we are sick, its affected our personalities anyway. We are not normals.
 
Exactly! It's very hard to fake tests as well as illness. Sure, you can memorize things, symptoms, etc., but you're thrown if a different question is asked of you by someone.

Interviews take place by different people, not the same person, so that can also skew results. One may as well be truthful upfront, unless a liar is exactly what the company is looking for. Yours, Lenora
 
@Howard
I know that I'm not one of the insiders here any more, and that I seem to pop in and out like the Cheshire Cat in Alice In Wonderland, but I do notice that you're posting less and less frequently, and as I've said before, because I know that, like me, you're an almost compulsive communicator, I worry when these hiatii or hiatuses or, you know, whatever, express here.

Especially since your somewhat down post a little while ago. I get the feeling that your sense of agency and standing among the flora and fauna where you are has been dented, possibly leaving you less happy and more uncertain about your decision and it's potential for a beneficial outcome.

Don't let the idiots and bastards grind you down. You're exceptional, even in an environment with far more challenging competition for that title. Nursing homes seem to be a lot like small towns, with all the devious, mean-spirited, small-minded back-stabbing small towns are so noted for, as well as for the kind, decent, open-hearted members.

So here it is .... THE DREAD R U OK? I don't waste these on just anyone, you know...... :xeyes::xeyes::xeyes: :rolleyes::rolleyes: :hug::hug::hug:
 
@YippeeKi YOW !!

Thanks for checking in. I'm kind of overwhelmed currently. A few things I need to be doing that I am not doing. Avoidance. Seemingly.


And then I was also physically declining rapidly, over the course of two weeks. Coincidentally, I hadn't been out in the direct sunlight in those two weeks. It's getting seriously darned hot here in the desert.


As possibly a direct result, my P.E.M. was strong and miserable and ever-increasing by the day… then finally after recognizing this, I started going back outside, spending upwards of 30 minutes in the direct sunlight. And in the past few days I've seemed to have reversed course.


And in those two weeks, my stomach shut down as well - stopped processing. Stopped emptying. And my swallowing difficulties came back as well.


Today is the first day my stomach started truly emptying again. And I'm actually quite starving right now. So yeah, it may seem odd, but I do seem to need direct sunlight as a means to thrive. Relatively speaking.


So now I'm out of the dark, and doing the best I can out doors in the heat. At least in the late morning it's still sub-100°.


Again, thanks for checking in. I need to better prioritize things. And I need to stop procrastinating. :)


I hope everybody is doing the best they can. That's all we can do sometimes.
 
A few things I need to be doing that I am not doing. Avoidance. Seemingly.
You're speaking to the Head Mistress of Avoidance and Procrastination .... the list of things I should be doing grws by the miute. FLuck it.
I need to better prioritize things. And I need to stop procrastinating. :)
All you really need to do is .... breath in (2,3,4,5) ..... breath out (2,3,4,5), rinse, repeat.


The rest will follow.
Again, thanks for checking in
You're welcome sweetie. A girl worries y'know :hug::hug::hug: ....
 
Checking that your not outside in Phoenix in the Dust Storm.....be careful don't breathe that.....@Howard
We broke a record at 115 degrees this afternoon. But I was inside well before that, back when it was 102 degrees!

The heat seemed to have taken a lot out of me, as I've been sleeping on and off most of the day, but at least I got my vitamin D, 30 minutes worth. :)

All you really need to do is .... breath in (2,3,4,5) ..... breath out (2,3,4,5), rinse, repeat.
Yes. It's that exactly! Well, that and a few other things. But I have been focusing on mindfulness and such.
 
Hey Howard,
Are you also taking a D3 supplement? I get lots of sunshine, but that's not enough for some of us, sez one of my MDs. And sure enough, I feel a lot better when I take D3 every day in addition to the sunshine.
 
Hey Howard,
Are you also taking a D3 supplement? I get lots of sunshine, but that's not enough for some of us, sez one of my MDs. And sure enough, I feel a lot better when I take D3 every day in addition to the sunshine.
I've tried oral vitamin D3 many times, always having a poor reaction (painful muscle cramps in my legs). I understand vitamin K needs to be taken, and then magnesium also plays a role (yippee explained this to me long ago). I just have too many reactions to too many things. Most supplements go unused after the initial dose.

My feeding formula, however, does have vitamin D3 in it - IU/mcg 280/7 .. x 3 or 4 bottles per day :)
 
I understand vitamin K needs to be taken, and then magnesium also plays a role
Magnesium plays more than a role. (Rolling out handy soap-box-on-wheels here) Without plenty of mag in your system, Vit D isn't adequately absorbable, since it sucks up magnesium like a Hoover on meth and gets very petulant whn there isn't any available. Your body will try to steal the mag from any source it can find, which might explain your leg cramps, since soft tissues like muscles would be safer than taking it from bones.
(yippee explained this to me long ago). I just have too many reactions to too many things. Most supplements go unu
I'm touched that you remember that ..... I was going to jump in and post here about your systemic reactions to things like mag and calcium when @Woof! made the suggestion, but felt it would be intrusive. And I remember your really bad reactions to everything but your full-spectrum light ....

But now that you've sort of jumpstarted your system with daily doses of sunlight, would you be willing to try small doses of magnesium? I prefer mag glycinate, but anything that works for you without over-stimulating your bowel would be fine.

The amount of VIt D that you're getting from sunlight isn't large, but enough to keep you going, and certainly way more than you were getting before ....but it's using magnesium from some source in your body for its absorption, and that means that other systems are likely being short-changed...


Just roll it around in your brain for awhile, and see how sme additional mag feels to you ....
My feeding formula, however, does have vitamin D3 in it - IU/mcg 280/7 .. x 3 or 4 bottles per day :)
That's a really minisucle amount, if I'm reading it right....
 
Magnesium plays more than a role. (Rolling out handy soap-box-on-wheels here) Without plenty of mag in your system, Vit D isn't adequately absorbable, since it sucks up magnesium like a Hoover on meth and gets very petulant whn there isn't any available. Your body will try to steal the mag from any source it can find, which might explain your leg cramps, since soft tissues like muscles would be safer than taking it from bones.

I'm touched that you remember that ..... I was going to jump in and post here about your systemic reactions to things like mag and calcium when @Woof! made the suggestion, but felt it would be intrusive. And I remember your really bad reactions to everything but your full-spectrum light ....

But now that you've sort of jumpstarted your system with daily doses of sunlight, would you be willing to try small doses of magnesium? I prefer mag glycinate, but anything that works for you without over-stimulating your bowel would be fine.

The amount of VIt D that you're getting from sunlight isn't large, but enough to keep you going, and certainly way more than you were getting before ....but it's using magnesium from some source in your body for its absorption, and that means that other systems are likely being short-changed...

Just roll it around in your brain for awhile, and see how sme additional mag feels to you ....

That's a really minisucle amount, if I'm reading it right....

I concur yippee.
I do awful with internal magnesium but i have been able to tolerate ancient minerals magnesium lotion and now drops (transdermally). Once i started the magnesium and B complex (this surprisingly improved my digestion from barely functioning to much improvement), then i was able to tolerate the Vitamin D drops (transdermal i am at 5000 IU a day) whereas i was unable to previously....even transdermally i would have mast cell and heart related reactions to 1000 IU.

Its good to note that heat is a bit taxing on most of us with ME/CFS which means we burn through things a little quicker than when the temp is lower. I find these all play roles with me in summer.

Although your formula has helped you immensely, it is likely you need at minimum extra magnesium, D and B complex (especially B1). SLOWLY and in my opinion with your reactions, ideally transdermally until you reach a certain point. There are patches and liquids to play with.
 

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