Against my better judgment I made reservations at his favorite (local family owned Italian) restaurant.
Early at least.... 5:30 pm...- that should help, right?
We were almost the only people in there, but there was still an uncomfortable level of background noise and activity. I had to ask to have the music turned down. They kindly did so.
I was just thinking "I'm not going to be able to sit upright this long...NO I can do it" when....
The ACCORDION guy appeared. I felt like I was in a horror movie.
AND THEN HE STARTED PLAYING...
I literally left mid-order, muttering a hasty apology and a promise to wait in a bookstore. I couldn't begin to explain myself.
The bookstore was quiet, spacious and nearly empty. Chair in back corner. Heaven. My family got food to go and I was able to manage a brief picnic in a nearby park. (yay for walkable small downtown)
That amount of walking and stress must have been the start of the mini crash. At least I'm calling it a mini crash.
Which I pushed even further by going to work on Thursday for 3.5 hours. Usually, I attempt to work from home a few hours a week and that's about it.
It was so fun! I felt like I was impersonating my former self. I was putting on the costume of an articulate, energetic, problem-solving capable person.
It was such a thrill to feel like that person again. But it felt like an act. 3.5 hours felt like 20.
Two full days of being flat on the couch later and I haven't recovered to my prior level of inactivity yet.
If I thought about it, I probably would have once said that I feel like a little boat in a river- navigating in a swift current. Sure, you get pushed around and you can't really resist the flow, but at least you're moving!
This morning I felt like I'm a sieve instead. One wedged between rocks. Mouth open wide for all the leaves and twigs coming downstream. // Jeez, and this is midsummer! Birds singing and everything. Can't wait till happy midwinter thoughts with this illness! (as she attempts and fails to insert a smiley)