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From My Commonplace Book - 68

Cows in Trouble

by Steve Martin

These were not the average "contented" cows. They were cows born for trouble. They were not cows who could stand by and let people call them "bossy." They were cows who could not stand around all day lowing. They were cows who could be just as happy chewing someone else's cud as their own. They were renegade cows.

My first experience with the renegade cows began as I was admiring a particularly attractive cow at Johnson's Weed Farm. As I stood watching her sultry body moving lithely through the rushes, I noticed several other cows staring at me through the weeds, giving me that look only a cow can give.

Later that night, I was at home thinking over the day's events. The Rubber Duck Throwing Contest, the parade that followed: bands and floats and baton-tossing girls marching down the middle of the Missouri River. I should have been analyzing the glare of those cows I'd seen earlier in the day.

The doorbell rang. I opened the door, glad to have a visitor, but found myself face to face with three renegade cows. I could not see their eyes behind the dark glasses.

They ambled in and I did not try to stop them. That night they stood around my bed and just watched me sleep, much the same way that my potatoes do, and I guess you might say I learned my lesson: Don't mess with renegade cows.

Steve Martin (American, born 1945) is a well-known stand-up comic, actor, writer, and musician. "Cows in Trouble" is from his book Cruel Shoes.
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Reactions: Nico and Enid


Much enjoyed Merry - I'll certainly watch out for renegade cows behind dark glasses now.
Enid, your comment made me laugh. You're a stand-up comic! Or -- all of us with ME/CFS are lying-down comics? I know, not funny. :(
Quite so Merry but the Rubber Duck Throwing Contest for exercise sounds good to me - should hit the toes. Full of good advice - Steve Martin - and not just about cows.

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