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Friendship can be amazingly transformative, but very brittle at the same time.

The right friendship seems to have a magical effect on my health, all of a sudden my energy levels can soar, my mood improves, I feel lighter and my sleep becomes more efficient. It is so weird how things can change so easily at times and so hard to explain. I don’t fully understand why it quite happens, but it is always amazing when I start to show signs of recovery.

Last week I was very tired, lack motivation and feeling exceedingly sorry for myself, which is so easy to do, but all it took was one lunch to assuage my doubts about my friendship with Jenna and now things have changed. I am very hopeful that this is the start of a real recovery, and with Jenna’s friendship that seems realistic.

I do adore Jenna, she is truly amazing, funny and very kind. I only hope that I don’t mess things up, or let my insecurities get the better of me again. Her friendship means a lot more to me than John’s, who is probably a closer friend, which is mainly a result of my upbringing.

As a child I didn’t have a good relationship with my older brother, but I was always very close with my sister, I think this and my differing relationships with my Mum and Dad mean that I am a lot more comfortable being around females than males.

So when I feel annoyed at John it feels more reliable, which subsequently occurred the next day after I met Jenna for lunch. Who knew friendships could be so fun?!

He has a friend, who has a boyfriend in Holland, however they are all but dating, even though they have agreed to be just friends. He can side line me at times when she is around, and she is always around. I don’t have a problem with her, I even like her, but at times I don’t like him when she is around. It can feel like he doesn’t want me there.

I felt this the most last night, when I got the distinct impression I wasn’t welcome, and subsequently they duly moved into his room to watch TV, and it was strongly implied this was time for me to leave, which I did.

He wants to get a flat with me next year, but particularly after this episode I am having serious doubts about whether I want this.

Later I ran into one of my course mates which vastly improve my mood, and my annoyance with John has had no impact on my overall health.

I am just glad I have got Jenna’s friendship and I hope this boost to my health can enable me to develop other friendships.


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