but unfortunately the reception of the surgery didnt pass my email to the doctor and has said I have to see him face to face.. and when I then mailed back asking them if the doctor in this case could at least send a letter for me to take to airport saying Im safe to fly to get there.. they said no he cant do even that without seeing me.. so its a catch 22.
Right now I just wish I'd die... I have so much emotional pain and I know I shouldnt as it is the reception of the surgery but I feel like another doctor has rejected my case, I feel like there is no one out there who understands ME patients and our difficulties.
I wish I had something in my cupboards I could kill myself with.. no one cares about us.. doctors dont care.. they dont care how much we are suffering... I'd OD right now like I did last time I ended up in intensive care if I had the drugs I used last time to do it with. I sooo wish I had those drugs... I dont want to live right now.
I may ring the emergency line later on or I may not (ive been told they arent there to be used as some kind of regular crisis line). Probably end up cutting .. using physical pain to take away my extreme emotional pain over abandonment with our medical system right now.
Im so distressed right now that Im missing my favourite TV show and dont even care about it.