Facing the Memories

I have always been a positive thinker, you know the, "cup half full" person....
I believe I still am for the most part.

Some days as I wake up, feeling miserable with ME, I think of all the things I would like to do. Things that I used to get excited about and enjoy.
At the risk of sounding like I'm whining I decided, well, PR is a place I can share and possibly others would like to share too.

It's been almost 2 years since ME took over my life completely. There were lots of things that I had to give up before 2yrs ago, I just didn't know it was ME that was causing my lack of ability.

One big one, my horse....I have ridden horses all my life. English riding. Jumping, competing, working on the farm to keep board down, even teaching.

When I realized I just couldn't work and take good care of my wonderful horse...I let him go...he deserved more.
He, to me, was the perfect horse. My Poe Boy's. He sold to the first person that met him. I wasn't surprised.

I also have been singing all my life. I had to stop singing at church, couldn't stand, OI, rehearsals were too hard to make. At 8:30pm I'm done.

What led me to write this today is when I woke up this morning ( feeling miserable), it is a gorgeous day out! I thought of the front bushes that needed trimming. How my neighbor would come over and gab. I had bought a new trimmer and rake not long ago. Still haven't used them.

As I looked outside at all the overgrown trees and bushes. I started thinking about how excited I would get on such beautiful days. You know that spring fever feeling! I wondered....can I go out there and do it? Now.....there is a cost we pay when we do things with ME.

I realize I have to listen to my body, I am not well. I don't want to make myself worse! Possibly end up suffering in bed...and for how long?!

There's still that small voice inside trying to tell you to do it, you'll be fine.
Confusing isn't it?

So, how about you all out there on PR.
I am sad because I know there are many of you bedridden, those of you severely affected by ME. I am sorry and pray for you all!!

I hope there are some of you out there on PR that want to share, get it out!!
Or......maybe it's just me today. Thanks to all who took the time to read this.

My PR profile is......"Support, Good Medicine". Maybe I need it today.....but maybe someone else does too. :hug:

If I get responses/interests from this blog. I will keep going. A... "to be continued" promise.:)


I enjoyed your blog and am sorry you had to give up your horse and singing in the choir. I am a former healthcare worker, too, (social worker) and I really like what you wrote in the author description re: that your memories of helping people cannot be taken away and do not have to make you sad just b/c you cannot work in your career right now (like me). I hope you keep writing (and you already know I love your dog)!
I have never done a blog on here but I think you would just type a new blog entry each time and I don't think you can get the emojis? Thanks for giving your dog (Jasmine I think?) a hug from me!
It's funny how we think of our memories fondly, we miss them, like me and horses. Sure, I miss my Poe Boys but I didn't mention the parts that were not fun, did I. The farm we were at had alot of stones. Poe is a thoroughbred..(they tend to
have delicate feet). He got abscesses in his feet all the time! Alot of work to heal them never mind I couldn't ride him either.

My first horse, Jessica, she was nuts and I kept her for 11years! I broke my leg, fingers, back, pelvis, and the worst pain, my scapula!

So how many of us think back and only remember the good things? I don't miss alot of the memories of owning a horse. I still love them though.

So if we are realistic, I think some memories were meant to be just that...memories.
After all, Jessica could have killed me and Poe? Well he no longer gets abscesses in his new home.

So I choose to remember the good, I can usually laugh when I think back to the bad/tough parts.

I hope there is someone out there that will share one of their memories. How it was either all good or maybe some parts are not.

Let's make new ones now, the smallest thing can be a good one. ME can't take it away.
I'm Thinking I might show pictures of wacky Jessica and sweet Poe boys. Than put my horse memories to rest. Would it be too much if I do?
So I mentioned that ME may have taken me away from working but it can't take away my memories.

I took care of patients of all ages, babies under 5lbs to the Elderly. My heart loved the Elderly most.

Elderly people are often put in a nursing home and left alone. No family visiting...no one loving them, often just forgotten.

I remember clearly a women named Edith. She was 102 years old.

Being very busy, I had patients on at least 2-3 floors. I would walk really fast from room to room but when I reached a patient I would stop and give the impression that they were my only patient.

One day, I walked in Ediths room, introduced myself and what I'm there to do. She said hi and started talking then she stopped and said, "you don't want to listen to an old lady". I told her of course I do, I love all my patients and would love to talk to you.

She looked up at me with a very cute smile and said, " Well, you know...my kidneys have been working just fine for 100 years. I don't know what happened?"

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry but I loved her right then and there.

I got to see her a few more times but knew it wasn't good. ME will never take my memory of Edith...I felt like the luckiest therapist in the world just to have met her.

Now, I'm still lucky. I'm making new memories just in a different way. Some even related to having ME that I can laugh about.

We don't feel well everyday. We need to look at life in a different way.
I saw my son just yesterday, he smiled, said Love you mom.....my memory for today.

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