Coronavirus - should I be worried?

Wolfcub · Mar 17, 2020

Are you staying with your Mum? You still do have the ability to protect yourself and her as much as possible.
You can limit or 100% cut out going where other people go. I am adept at it, but I am a weirdo

I always do this "lockdown" every winter anyway to avoid flu and colds. All I have to do is extend it .....for a while.....

Online grocery orders. Watch out though because some stores like Tesco have no available delivery slots until at least early April.
Morrison's was better, but things change day by day. When you order, do so with a good long list.

Soon things MIGHT calm down as panic buyers slow down, and shelves will be re-stocked. But right now is a bit tight.

Next option -Amazon for all things including food items. Join Prime for the 30 day free trial. At the end of 30 days you can choose -a monthly subscription or cancel. But you can buy a lot of stuff in a month! Prime also includes "Amazon Pantry" where food items are available. It's free delivery on Prime and next day delivery usually, but they do say some may be slightly delayed at the moment.

Hand wash prices are hiked. Go for shower gel or even shampoos instead. They wash hands just as well!! And no price hikes that I could see. Even some bulk orders which save money.
So sorry you have temporarily lost contact with your friend. But keep in touch. That is workable ? Facetime is a great idea...or skype? But even texts and calls can be nice for both of you. She also may be scared and alone somewhere if self isolating.

N99 masks (sometimes also called "FFP3D" masks MIGHT still be available in builders' supplies places (online) Be careful how you use them, take them off, put them on etc to limit contamination.
Use disposable surgical gloves or wash hands immediately if receiving deliveries.
Today I received an Amazon delivery, and put the items in the sink and scrubbed them down first, then washed hands.

Take care and stay safe

Judee · Mar 18, 2020

Regarding Facetime, maybe she feels funny (shy) doing that or Skype. I know I kinda do. It just feels funny to talk to and stare at someone's computer transmitted face but I may be the only one that feels that way.

carvahlo · Mar 19, 2020

Wolfcub said:
Are you staying with your Mum?
Take care and stay safe

Thank you for all the practical advice. It still feels so daunting atm. I guess being shy and a bit of a loner makes social distancing easier. I am just not used to avoiding germs at the same time.

Luckily my dad has an allotment, which means that the three of us have a ready made supply of food. My mum is planning only to go to the shops.

I don't know how much I am going to hear from my friend, I just know that this period is going to be testing. I will try, but I think that it is very important not to try too hard. I have made that mistake before.

Take care of yourself.

carvahlo · Mar 19, 2020

Judee said:
Regarding Facetime, maybe she feels funny (shy) doing that or Skype. I know I kinda do. It just feels funny to talk to and stare at someone's computer transmitted face but I may be the only one that feels that way.

I haven't ever got the impression that she would be, I have seen her happily answer the phone before.

I know one person, who I speak to on facetime occasionally, who isn't keen on using it because she doesn't like looking at herself on the video chat.

I don't mind how we stay in touch, but i don't want it to be purely me that is initiating contact.

keenly · Mar 19, 2020

Be worried about draconian measures, not any virus. I am not even 0.00000001|% concerned about Covid.

Judee · Mar 19, 2020

carvahlo said:
I haven't ever got the impression that she would be, I have seen her happily answer the phone before.

But when you say "happily answer the phone" do you mean talk on the phone or do a Facetime type thing?

I'm like that other person you know who isn't keen on using video chat because I don't like to look at myself. That's why I wondered about your female friend. I'm thinking it would be sort of a female thing because we tend to see all our perceived flaws when staring at ourselves in the mirror and video chat would be some of the same maybe. ???

Just a thought.

carvahlo said:
I don't mind how we stay in touch, but i don't want it to be purely me that is initiating contact.

That could be concerning but I still would say that women are different than men in this as much as society seems to try and make us all the same.

We seem to feel more comfortable with it being that way...at least my generation and what I think I've still observed about the younger generations as well, i.e. males reaching out first and initiating contact.

Wishful · Mar 20, 2020

I haven't been following the news. Is the panic way overblown? There have been around 10k deaths so far. That's about three days of traffic deaths. I'm guessing that most of the deaths are among people who were at death's door anyway (elderly, severe medical problems). How many deaths among relatively healthy people? I'm just annoyed that the library closed, but I just bought a Kobo, so even that's not a serious issue. I'm guessing that kids are going to be harmed more by the break in their education than they would have by some of them getting the flu.

I'm not convinced that the sky is falling.

carvahlo · Mar 21, 2020

keenly said:
Be worried about draconian measures, not any virus. I am not even 0.00000001|% concerned about Covid.

I guess that it depends on your standpoint, who is close to you and vulnerable.

The draconian measures are likely to last for some time yet, but having CFS gives good practice for social distancing.

carvahlo · Mar 21, 2020

Judee said:
we tend to see all our perceived flaws when staring at ourselves in the mirror and video chat would be some of the same maybe. ???

It is perfectly possible reasoning, but I don't know.

Judee said:
That could be concerning but I still would say that women are different than men in this as much as society seems to try and make us all the same.

So far the contact that we have had, since uni has closed, doesn't inspire me to believe that I will hear much from her. This is a new phase of our friendship, one in which I have never excelled in the past, and I don't know how to play it. I don't mind leading the contact, but I feel that I have already made it clear that I would like to stay in touch.

I ended our last conversation with the message 'look after and stay in touch xx' but she didn't respond to that.

I hate how I always seem to fixate on the negative implications on little things like that.

Judee · Mar 22, 2020

carvahlo said:
I ended our last conversation with the message 'look after and stay in touch xx' but she didn't respond to that.

I hate how I always seem to fixate on the negative implications on little things like that.

I'm sorry it doesn't seem to be going well. I fixate on the negative too sometimes. That's not always a bad thing. I think I'm able to pick up on vibes better that way and maybe prepare for what may be coming however it doesn't make it any less disappointing when a situation doesn't go the way I had hoped.

You said she did go out with you again after the last period of mixed signals. That tells me either she is shy about expressing her positive feelings or that she doesn't know how to be forthright in letting someone down. Knowing myself at that age that seems to fit how young girls can be. Like you said about not excelling in this type of "new phase...of...friendship" she may be inexperienced in this type of situation as well.

Asking really does seem to be the best way to approach it. Maybe you could say something like, "I like you but to be fair to both of us, could you let me know if you feel the same and also if you want to continue to pursue this relationship with me?" Sometimes it helps to say it fast in one long ramble like that and then take a breath and wait for her answer.

You might be disappointed by her reply or possibly, you could be pleasantly surprised but at least you would finally know where you stand. This seems so tortuous to you otherwise and certainly not good for your health with ME.

Young life can be so hard sometimes but you can't know what you don't know until you grow and learn. Don't be too hard on yourself as you try to navigate relationships. All you can do is try your best and give yourself permission to be who you are. I think people are most comfortable being around people who are comfortable with themselves.

Let us know how it goes.

Judee

Edit:

carvahlo said:
The draconian measures are likely to last for some time yet, but having CFS gives good practice for social distancing.

So true...sadly so true.

carvahlo · Mar 23, 2020

Wishful said:
I haven't been following the news. Is the panic way overblown? There have been around 10k deaths so far. That's about three days of traffic deaths. I'm guessing that most of the deaths are among people who were at death's door anyway (elderly, severe medical problems). How many deaths among relatively healthy people?

I'm not convinced that the sky is falling.

Governments around the world believe this is a serious crisis, according to AFP their are 1billion people told or enforced to stay at home. The death toll has been drastically reduced by these measures, only 3,500 have died in China, but it would've have been far greater without these measures. It is countries like Syria, who don't have a healthcare system that could cope with an epidemic that would suffer the most.

No one knows what the death toll is among young healthy adults, but one thing that we do know is that this virus is very infectious.

carvahlo · Mar 24, 2020

Judee said:
Like you said about not excelling in this type of "new phase...of...friendship" she may be inexperienced in this type of situation as well.

it is possible that this is the case, I just think that it is more likely that I vastly overestimated how much she values me.

Judee said:
Maybe you could say something like, "I like you but to be fair to both of us, could you let me know if you feel the same and also if you want to continue to pursue this relationship with me?"

The fact that I can only contact her by message hugely limits what I can do. I know that messages can be easily misinterpreted, so I feel that I have to be careful.

As I think that I have made it clear that I want to stay in touch, I think the best option is just to wait and see. It's has been a week since we last messaged, but in a few weeks time it will be crystal clear where I stand, the enforced lockdown has made sure of that.

Judee said:
This seems so tortuous to you otherwise and certainly not good for your health with ME.

I actually don't think that this is having a huge bearing on my health, because I have had experience of similar situations, when I didn't hear from friends over the school summer holidays.

Unfortunately though the lockdown and cancellation of university does seem to have taken a lot out of me, which is hardly surprising.

Judee said:
I think people are most comfortable being around people who are comfortable with themselves

For sure, this is a big reason why I have struggled, as I have always doubted myself. The CFS just makes it harder to overcome, because when I am tired I tend to just shut down.

Wishful · Mar 24, 2020

carvahlo said:
Governments around the world believe this is a serious crisis,

And we know that governments are always wise and never make mistakes? I expect that most of the decision-makers aren't all that knowledgeable about biosciences and listen more to their PR people than scientists. Telling people to wash their hands and self-isolate might earn more votes than 'letting old people die'.

carvahlo said:
but one thing that we do know is that this virus is very infectious.

Yes, but so is the common cold. What I haven't heard is what would be expected among the general population if people just went about their normal daily activities. I did hear that it doesn't seem to affect children much. Maybe if it was 'business as usual' we'd have 50% of the general population spending an average of 3 days away from work, and 12% spending more than 7 days, and .0000000001% dying from the virus.

I think that after it's over, someone will crunch the numbers and show that the extreme measures saved the lives of an estimated x0000 people, mostly nearing the end of their lives anyway, at a cost of $20 million per person-day death was delayed, or some such ridiculous number. I heard to day that the virus has cost the US economy 10 trillion dollars, with a 2 trillion bailout to be announced soon. That's mind-boggling to me. Business as usual might have cost a fraction of that amount. Imagine if a few trillion dollars were saved and directed into medical R&D instead.

Judee · Mar 24, 2020

This is an old thread but something here may help you--even maybe just not to feel alone in your situation: https://forums.phoenixrising.me/threads/anyone-else-feel-undateable.60858/#post-990825

carvahlo said:
For sure, this is a big reason why I have struggled, as I have always doubted myself. The CFS just makes it harder to overcome, because when I am tired I tend to just shut down.

One thing that came up in that thread had to do with pursuing hobbies you have an interest in since you will meet other people with the same interests in common. That will lead to conversations about the hobby and then maybe friendships will develop off of that. Plus, if you have a skill in some area that also naturally lends itself to feeling more confident. The world is filled with so many different things that it wouldn't be difficult to find an interest that doesn't require a lot of energy. Here's another post on PR about that: https://forums.phoenixrising.me/threads/what-low-energy-hobbies-do-people-do.77876/#post-2233739

Hang in there.

YippeeKi YOW !! · Apr 2, 2020

" ....it is quite amazing how our institutions and way of life can be brought to a halt in such a sudden way..... "

All it takes is a particular brand and amount of idiocy and absolute moronity, which we apparently have a global oversupply of.

Judee said:
I still would say that women are different than men in this as much as society seems to try and make us all the same.

I agree. Our brains are definitely wired differently. For instance, a study done a while back showed that women react to pain differently, and to emotional pain very differently. And we ruminate more. We process aggression and verbal spats totally differently, which is where a lot of the rumination comes in.

Hmmmmm .... a typo just led to this: ruination = rumination.

Insights come from the oddest places

carvahlo said:
The draconian measures are likely to last for some time yet, but having CFS gives good practice for social distancing.

Yeah. The bright side of this , and I'm really digging to find one, is that we all have a PhD in something that the rest of the world is just entering Pre-School on ....

So there's that

....

carvahlo said:
This is a new phase of our friendship, one in which I have never excelled in the past, and I don't know how to play it.

It might be a good thing to just ignore her non responses, and send occasional little messages of support, or maybe reference some of the pleasant times you spent together, and how much you resent COVID for cutting all that short and destroying the joys of uni life ...

carvahlo said:
I hate how I always seem to fixate on the negative implications on little things like that.

It's a side effect of the natural narcissism that we all have, to varying degrees. Our attention fixates on ourselves, which, at least for me, always lures dark thoughts out into the open, where they can cover terrain faster than I can and are virtually unstoppable.

carvahlo said:
No one knows what the death toll is among young healthy adults, but one thing that we do know is that this virus is very infectious.

It is exponentially infectious, but the toll decreases substantially the younger you are, at least so far.

But the presence of any respiratory problems, like possibly your mother's, can create the need for additional precautions. This is a respiratory virus, and it's main plan of attack is to go straight to the lungs. So you'll need to take more protective measures where she's concerned, and hanging out in any public places could be a bad idea.

carvahlo said:
I know that messages can be easily misinterpreted, so I feel that I have to be careful.

Don't bombard her with them. Just scatter a few here and there, and keep the emphasis more on uni life and what you shared within it and how much you miss it, without directly referencing her. The implication will be clear but not threatening or pushy.

It could also be, and this may not have occurred to you yet or, alternately, is just flat out, totally wrong, but she could be dealing with COVID more directly and personally than you are right now, ie, someone close to her may be ill, and her attention is just entirely on that.

Chin up ..... these things have a way of working out, tho I can't speak for how they work out in the middle of an ugly and devastating global pandemic, but the less stress you put on them, the better they tend to do.

carvahlo · Apr 2, 2020

YippeeKi YOW !! said:
Our attention fixates on ourselves, which, at least for me, always lures dark thoughts out into the open, where they can cover terrain faster than I can and are virtually unstoppable.

Too true, we are all self-centred at the end of the day, and I know that feeling all too well.

I have at least reflected on why my thought process has gone done this route, and that has helped. Today was a better day, and thinking about it calmly and rationally has helped.

YippeeKi YOW !! said:
So you'll need to take more protective measures where she's concerned, and hanging out in any public places could be a bad ide

Physical fatigue and a lack of places to go has made this very easy for me to do.

YippeeKi YOW !! said:
Don't bombard her with them. Just scatter a few here and there,

Atm I am staying off of WhatsApp, as it seems to be stressing me out too much of late.

You are right, occasional messages are definitely the best approach.

I above all need to get the approach right for my health, this all or nothing tendency is really not good for me and that is something that I need to work on.

nyanko_the_sane · Apr 3, 2020

Yes what @YippeeKi YOW !! said!

carvahlo said:
I above all need to get the approach right for my health, this all or nothing tendency is really not good for me and that is something that I need to work on.

Indeed your physical health is all important right now, but your mental health is important too. So there is no harm in attempting to have virtual interactions with friends. Sure it is great to spend time together in person, but these times call for a safer approach. Playing it safe shows you really care and that is a big plus.

Some of my perpetual student friends are doing group study sessions virtually, I have observed this is a great way to build friendships. There is also the advantage that this will improve your academic performance.

gbells · Jun 29, 2020

Here are a few articles about the type of regimen I followed.

https://www.precisionnutrition.com/...42120-AllContacts-OptimizeImmunityInfographic

https://www.drperlmutter.com/caring...2392256f682a9842e902fbefb79ab9abae13bfcb46658

Coronavirus - should I be worried?

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