It was a Great Day Today!
(did you get that?)
IT WAS A GREAT DAY TODAY!
(my bank account got a nice injection of $$$ :victory
.
This will be one of my briefest Blogs you'll be pleased to know.
Most of the older members will know that I'm really good at the Longest Blog in the World. I ramble on till "the Cows come Home". And members who live in the country or on farms will know how long it takes for cows to amble contentedly to the milking shed at dusk.
I've been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize many times for my Literature - well, the length of my literature, not the content.
I was looking forward to a quiet, meditative type of day today. Yesterday was wardrobe sorting & re-organizing day (alright, I was feeling energetic, but didn't want to stray far from my bed).
I love my bed, but at 19 years old, it's getting a litle long in the tooth & needs to be put out to pasture. I still love it anyway. I'm sure those of you who are bed-bound may wonder what I see in it. If you've spent 15-20 years residing within chilly, cold or itchy sheets & played fistocuffs with your favourite teddy bear (or partner), you're probably fed up to the teeth with the whole idea of lying in bed. I mean to say, just how much can you do in a bed.
You can pound the pillows (if you've got the strength). You can plump up the pillows (if the Dog or Cat hasn't had trampolining lessons & deflated them). You can pile up the pillows (unless most of them are under your knees to give you lumbar support).
You can cry into the pillows when you're pissed off with life (unless you've done that so many times, the pillows have gone mouldy & your MCS has demanded you send them to the local Trash & Treasure church fete) .
But let's face it. A Pillow is a Pillow.
But a BED, well, you can do all sorts of things in a bed (all right, I won't get into what I do in my bed LOL). Let me just say though, that my Bed has given good service over the years. I've held parties in that Bed. I've dreamt dreams that would have the Hollywood producers racing to my front door to get the screenplay rights (for the dreams & fantasies which filled the nights in that Bed).
On the other hand, you've heard of the Worst Affair held in that Bed.
You know Pain & I shared that bed for 29 1/2 years. It was the most tumultuous affair in my life. And that damn Pain had a good time assaulting me in the early hours every morning.
Every time I nodded off, Pain would rise up to the challenge & punch my lumbar back & right hip with his bare fists. Then he'd roll me over & punch the other hip (just for good measure). Some nights he'd give the back & hips a light fondling, but then sit on my right foot, with all his weight until it was completely numb. And once.......my whole leg was numb under his weight & I thought I'd have to call 000 for an emergency injection of life.
Well, I've had enough.
I wanted a divorce.
NOW.
I checked out the other applicants for the up & coming retirement of my bed, last Wednesday in the city (after my acupuncture appointment). The "stick as many acupuncture needles into my back & hip as you can fit" session last Wednesday, was specifically for my lumbar & right hip pain. Chased the lumbar pain away, but missed the hip pain completely.
So while I was lumbar pain free, I thought I'd try out the applicants for the new position which was becoming vacant.
I believe in Try Before you Buy (so I DID).
I curled up in a foetal position on the first bed in the store. I lay flat & ramrod stiff on the second applicant (just in case I ever had the good fortune to sleep ramrod stiff). I played Bouncy Castles (when the bedding department Consultant wasn't looking) on the third applicant. I was going to do my Roll, Spring & Swirl dance routine, I normally perform to get out of bed, but that very nice Gentleman Bedding Consultant turned towards me at the last minute and I had to be content with the normal Rise & Shine Irish dance - hands to the side, routine from Riverdance.
That very nice Gentleman offered me 40% off.
I had some money in the bank, but was still waiting for the funds injection before offering the bed applicant the position.
So tomorrow after my pincushion session, I've decided to offer the up & coming "bed vacant" position to the very nice, kind Gentleman offer.
(that is, if he's still willing to give me the 40% discount deal).
In fact, it's the best deal any Man has offered me in quite some time
(did you get that?)
IT WAS A GREAT DAY TODAY!
(my bank account got a nice injection of $$$ :victory
.This will be one of my briefest Blogs you'll be pleased to know.
Most of the older members will know that I'm really good at the Longest Blog in the World. I ramble on till "the Cows come Home". And members who live in the country or on farms will know how long it takes for cows to amble contentedly to the milking shed at dusk.
I've been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize many times for my Literature - well, the length of my literature, not the content.
I was looking forward to a quiet, meditative type of day today. Yesterday was wardrobe sorting & re-organizing day (alright, I was feeling energetic, but didn't want to stray far from my bed
). I love my bed, but at 19 years old, it's getting a litle long in the tooth & needs to be put out to pasture. I still love it anyway. I'm sure those of you who are bed-bound may wonder what I see in it. If you've spent 15-20 years residing within chilly, cold or itchy sheets & played fistocuffs with your favourite teddy bear (or partner), you're probably fed up to the teeth with the whole idea of lying in bed. I mean to say, just how much can you do in a bed.
You can pound the pillows (if you've got the strength). You can plump up the pillows (if the Dog or Cat hasn't had trampolining lessons & deflated them). You can pile up the pillows (unless most of them are under your knees to give you lumbar support).
You can cry into the pillows when you're pissed off with life (unless you've done that so many times, the pillows have gone mouldy & your MCS has demanded you send them to the local Trash & Treasure church fete) .
But let's face it. A Pillow is a Pillow.
But a BED, well, you can do all sorts of things in a bed (all right, I won't get into what I do in my bed LOL). Let me just say though, that my Bed has given good service over the years. I've held parties in that Bed. I've dreamt dreams that would have the Hollywood producers racing to my front door to get the screenplay rights (for the dreams & fantasies which filled the nights in that Bed).
On the other hand, you've heard of the Worst Affair held in that Bed.
You know Pain & I shared that bed for 29 1/2 years. It was the most tumultuous affair in my life. And that damn Pain had a good time assaulting me in the early hours every morning.
Every time I nodded off, Pain would rise up to the challenge & punch my lumbar back & right hip with his bare fists. Then he'd roll me over & punch the other hip (just for good measure). Some nights he'd give the back & hips a light fondling, but then sit on my right foot, with all his weight until it was completely numb. And once.......my whole leg was numb under his weight & I thought I'd have to call 000 for an emergency injection of life.
Well, I've had enough.
I wanted a divorce.
NOW.
I checked out the other applicants for the up & coming retirement of my bed, last Wednesday in the city (after my acupuncture appointment). The "stick as many acupuncture needles into my back & hip as you can fit" session last Wednesday, was specifically for my lumbar & right hip pain. Chased the lumbar pain away, but missed the hip pain completely.
So while I was lumbar pain free, I thought I'd try out the applicants for the new position which was becoming vacant.
I believe in Try Before you Buy (so I DID).
I curled up in a foetal position on the first bed in the store. I lay flat & ramrod stiff on the second applicant (just in case I ever had the good fortune to sleep ramrod stiff). I played Bouncy Castles (when the bedding department Consultant wasn't looking) on the third applicant. I was going to do my Roll, Spring & Swirl dance routine, I normally perform to get out of bed, but that very nice Gentleman Bedding Consultant turned towards me at the last minute and I had to be content with the normal Rise & Shine Irish dance - hands to the side, routine from Riverdance.
That very nice Gentleman offered me 40% off.
I had some money in the bank, but was still waiting for the funds injection before offering the bed applicant the position.
So tomorrow after my pincushion session, I've decided to offer the up & coming "bed vacant" position to the very nice, kind Gentleman offer.
(that is, if he's still willing to give me the 40% discount deal).
In fact, it's the best deal any Man has offered me in quite some time
