i had doctor appointment today...and he was late..even the office lady was late which made me have more anxiety...i was up all night worried aobut having to get out...but my nerves calmed down some after talking to him...hes the pysch doctor i told him today that i think i have excepted being paranoid, anxiety the social phobias and depression and i dont think anyting is going to help, my conselour had suggested i see another psych doctor but i feel like ive tried every medicaiotn etc. and i know its bad but i like this psych becuase he understands i never get out of house other than anything to do with kids...takeing them somewhere, get the shopping /grocerys for family etc. and my doctor appointments..so he doesnt make me go often...and im just too tired to try anymore...
i did stop a few garage sales, i think ive mentioned my consulour said i should do something i use to love and try it to get out of house...i found kids some stuff cheap which made me happy but my back started hurting really bad and i had to go to bed when i come home...the exhuastion hit me hard and the pain...its just not in any way normal to feel like that...
compared to how i use to be i feel trapped in a fat, sick body that i dont belong in...i will go to bed again after venting...
im pretty much housebound, but so afraid of becomeing bed bound...though i spend majority of time laying on love seat or bed...im so afraid of being bedbound that i dont think of myself of that...but this is one of worse exhaustion and pains crash that come quicker than usual...usually its later at night or next day for days and weeks to follow..but it hit me before i even got home...i hope it doesnt mean im getting mroe worse..
if afraid though cause i need to take one of kids to doctor tomorrow...it had been extrememly stressful as my child had been very ill a few months ago but thought was getting better but now sick again and im aftrriad of what blood work will show etc. .and then i have another appointment with consueulor i hadnt seen her in i guess 3 or 4 weeks...she wanted to see me every 2 and i tried that but i just couldnt do it..it was too exhausting i hope she understood i didnt want her to think i didnt apprecaite her time she has helped alot..but hubby can drive me to that so i cant take medicaions that helps some..
also i had post in a thread or threads about hubby family and how cruel and dishonest they are...and they are mad at hubby for getting dna test done...they brag about knowing everyone that works in government offices in the tiny town they live in...and hint at "getting back at people that p**S them off etc." and one of my kids were doing great at job but someone had kept compliainiing and tehy treated my kid badly so he quit...im trying not to be paranoid and think its hubbys family. but theyve claimed to get people fired etc they are crazy..but i dont want to meniton it to hubby and upset him...because also they are 2 much much older women who work at the place where my kid quit that alot of others have quit becuase they gossip and belittle the much younger workers...so im tyring not to worry about hubbys family but its hard..if a pattern keeps going i dont know what ill do..also hubbys older sister lied about who one of her kids belong to, she acutally wnet for months saying who real father was and wehn he dumped her she told another person the baby was his and she was 2 months overdue and he believed her...just sad, i thnk she doesnt want anyone talking to us becuase she is afraid we will tell the person she lied to to get him to marry her and the child who is in 20's but we arent like that...if we were we would have told in begining...but i guess sicne hubby got dna test shes afraid we will tell them and theyed see how easy to get one.....just too mcuh drama and stress..
just so much stress....and as i said this is my quickest crash it seems...ive been slowly getting wores and dont understand it...im just so tired...if it werent for my kids i dont think i could live day to day like this...looks like there would be someithing to help us...sorry i just needed to vent...it helps just to blog and write it all down...
i did stop a few garage sales, i think ive mentioned my consulour said i should do something i use to love and try it to get out of house...i found kids some stuff cheap which made me happy but my back started hurting really bad and i had to go to bed when i come home...the exhuastion hit me hard and the pain...its just not in any way normal to feel like that...
compared to how i use to be i feel trapped in a fat, sick body that i dont belong in...i will go to bed again after venting...
im pretty much housebound, but so afraid of becomeing bed bound...though i spend majority of time laying on love seat or bed...im so afraid of being bedbound that i dont think of myself of that...but this is one of worse exhaustion and pains crash that come quicker than usual...usually its later at night or next day for days and weeks to follow..but it hit me before i even got home...i hope it doesnt mean im getting mroe worse..
if afraid though cause i need to take one of kids to doctor tomorrow...it had been extrememly stressful as my child had been very ill a few months ago but thought was getting better but now sick again and im aftrriad of what blood work will show etc. .and then i have another appointment with consueulor i hadnt seen her in i guess 3 or 4 weeks...she wanted to see me every 2 and i tried that but i just couldnt do it..it was too exhausting i hope she understood i didnt want her to think i didnt apprecaite her time she has helped alot..but hubby can drive me to that so i cant take medicaions that helps some..
also i had post in a thread or threads about hubby family and how cruel and dishonest they are...and they are mad at hubby for getting dna test done...they brag about knowing everyone that works in government offices in the tiny town they live in...and hint at "getting back at people that p**S them off etc." and one of my kids were doing great at job but someone had kept compliainiing and tehy treated my kid badly so he quit...im trying not to be paranoid and think its hubbys family. but theyve claimed to get people fired etc they are crazy..but i dont want to meniton it to hubby and upset him...because also they are 2 much much older women who work at the place where my kid quit that alot of others have quit becuase they gossip and belittle the much younger workers...so im tyring not to worry about hubbys family but its hard..if a pattern keeps going i dont know what ill do..also hubbys older sister lied about who one of her kids belong to, she acutally wnet for months saying who real father was and wehn he dumped her she told another person the baby was his and she was 2 months overdue and he believed her...just sad, i thnk she doesnt want anyone talking to us becuase she is afraid we will tell the person she lied to to get him to marry her and the child who is in 20's but we arent like that...if we were we would have told in begining...but i guess sicne hubby got dna test shes afraid we will tell them and theyed see how easy to get one.....just too mcuh drama and stress..
just so much stress....and as i said this is my quickest crash it seems...ive been slowly getting wores and dont understand it...im just so tired...if it werent for my kids i dont think i could live day to day like this...looks like there would be someithing to help us...sorry i just needed to vent...it helps just to blog and write it all down...