Second victory? ..... fail.

No_more_pain;223243 said:

I got greedy.

I think that's probably the best way to put it. As a few may recall, I recently posted about a small victory (in the realm of getting out of the house; as I type that, it sounds absurd, like I'm playing it up as something as big as the first moon landing).

Well. Yesterday, I went out again. Weary from my shopping trip (see above), weary from Thanksgiving (I think I whined and complained about that, too, somewhere!)... I felt the urge to push. I didn't feel I had it in me, but I went for it anyhow. I won't get into a lot of detail about this particular trip, because actually, it was remarkably uneventful.

It was relatively close-by, at a local Target (the allure of Black Friday is strong...). I haven't stepped foot in a Target in over six years. And this is the kind of Target that has stores inside of it (Pizza Hut, for example). I wonder if those stores have stores in them, too? Like a Starbucks, inside the Pizza Hut, inside the Target.

Hrm. I could be onto something. Sounds kind of like Inception. "Go deeper."

But I digress! Local Target, blah blah blah... spent almost an hour dragging myself around there, bewildered by the sights, the sounds, the smells. One of the only stores I've been in where you can literally reach one hand out and touch underwear and reach the other out and touch honey-roasted cashews while admiring a display of Christmas lights.

The actual plan was to go to Target, then a restaurant. HO HO! Silly me. I had to beg out on the restaurant part (see previous posting(s) remarking on disappointing others), as I couldn't finish up in Target. I went in there feeling confident that I could handle the task and left there feeling like a jungle child, raised by apes and recently dragged to a bustling Victorian market, overwhelmed by the stimuli and scattering bowls of cabbage and tipping barrels of pickles in rage and confusion, only to be tranquilized by my handler and hauled back to my straw-lined cell.

However, none of this is what I meant to talk about.

You see, today is when I got greedy. Yes... I tried to go out AGAIN today. This time with my younger sister. The plan was to hit Best Buy, then PF Chang's (they've got a great gluten-free menu). In her car, halfway to the store, I knew I'd made A Big Mistake[SUP]TM[/SUP]. I was already exhausted, but I lulled myself into the classic trap. Just enough energy to start, nowhere near enough to finish. Biting off more than I could chew. Getting in over my head. And maybe more idioms that mean those things.

Well... it couldn't be that bad, right? Just sitting in the car... sitting in the car... sitting in the caOH MY GOD THAT BUMP.... sitting in tWHAT IS THAT ANNOYING VIBRATING SENSATION? SittiOKAY THIS IS BAD. It's hard to describe. It's like my whole body decided that every single thing about this otherwise passive and benign experience was not only not benign, but also horrible. All the aches I'd been politely ignoring in the past two days starting singing to me in a kind of demented, operatic fashion, all at once, all demanding my attention in a number of languages I don't even understand. All the exhaustion I thought I could muscle through for just an hour or two decided to relocate itself all to the top of my head.

Have you ever tried to ride in a car with a king-sized mattress balanced on your head? Yeah, kind of like that.

Knowing that I brought this upon myself and realizing that my sister was spending her time and gas to take me out... I really really pushed myself. Unbelievably, we made it to Best Buy. Of course, by this time, I couldn't have cared less. I just wanted to grin, bear it and hope I didn't drop dead in the Children's DVD aisle, face planted and slobbering in a pile of Elmo's Christmas Gigglefest discs. I tried to distract myself by browsing through some very mediocre sales... the rest is a blur. Literally (see previous posting about my eyesight) and figuratively. I broke the news to my sister (who knew I was in some distress, though I was downplaying it up to this point) that after this, I had to go home.

Long story (phew), a bit shorter... a miserable ride home. Crushing sense of defeat. Failure. And of course, feeling as though I let my sister down (even though she would argue to the contrary). I didn't even pick up a trophy to commemorate the event! Double-fail!

Ain't life grand? No more outings for me until I talk my body down from the rafters. Based on twenty some years of experience, that'll probably take a while.

... I wonder what's happening next weekend... ?

Oh... and one more thing. You know the ubiquitous "Red Shirts" from Star Trek? Those poor nameless crew members who volunteer to Touch the Bad Looking Plant, only to disappear, turn into a pile of ash or otherwise die a particularly horrible death? I figured out that they don't actually die.

They just get sent to work at Target. They're all over the place.

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