I have been in a crash for several years now. I have had a long time to think over my life, the awesome things I have accomplished and the regrets. Oh they loom large. Lately I have been thinking about dying, and how to prepare for that. I don't seem to find much in our community about dying. I am a bit surprised.
I do have a severe case of ME/CFS....I have accepted that. What came as a surprise was when I visited with Dr. Lapp and he was able to say to me that my heart failure was going to be what kills me. Heart failure? HMMMM What caused this? His reply..."It's part of the ME...your heart is a muscle". OHHHHHH Now it makes sense to me, but I had never heard anyone talk of heart failure with CFS. Well, I also have respiratory failure, and renal insufficiency. So I am pretty sure I am going to pass on sooner than later.
My sister had CFS and died 2 years ago....her death certificate (age 48) reads, heart failure, respiratory failure, all organ failure etc. Never a mention of FM or CFS. HHHMMMMM Again, heart failure/CFS/FM.
So, I am thinking about a lot. I pray a lot...especially for God to care for my children. My youngest has had a very ill mother for over a decade. Wow... does he remember his energetic and vibrant mom? All the ballgames I missed, that's what he will remember....my older daughters do not even begin to understand ME/CFS. They were still home when we went through the , "well, maybe it is Lyme, no, not MS, possibly Lupus and on and on. They became numb....can't really blame them. But oh how I love and adore them. My little grand daughter Ava calls and says to me, "Grandma, can you come and see me?" How do I tell her I am too sick to travel? I feel so sad for her...as well as my other grand children, whom I may never see again.
The Forums help. FB helps. Reading the Bible really helps. Prayer helps. My husband helps. Calls from my kids help. Living on the mountain helps...oh how I love the wildlife. Surrounded by a 500,000 acre National Forest brings serenity and loneliness. I talk with my family Priest....he is wonderful.
So, I ask? Does anyone else out there think of dying from this horrid illness that has taken our lives away long before death looms?
Yes....I would love to hear from you. I am not afraid to speak of dying,
Love to you all,
Marian
I do have a severe case of ME/CFS....I have accepted that. What came as a surprise was when I visited with Dr. Lapp and he was able to say to me that my heart failure was going to be what kills me. Heart failure? HMMMM What caused this? His reply..."It's part of the ME...your heart is a muscle". OHHHHHH Now it makes sense to me, but I had never heard anyone talk of heart failure with CFS. Well, I also have respiratory failure, and renal insufficiency. So I am pretty sure I am going to pass on sooner than later.
My sister had CFS and died 2 years ago....her death certificate (age 48) reads, heart failure, respiratory failure, all organ failure etc. Never a mention of FM or CFS. HHHMMMMM Again, heart failure/CFS/FM.
So, I am thinking about a lot. I pray a lot...especially for God to care for my children. My youngest has had a very ill mother for over a decade. Wow... does he remember his energetic and vibrant mom? All the ballgames I missed, that's what he will remember....my older daughters do not even begin to understand ME/CFS. They were still home when we went through the , "well, maybe it is Lyme, no, not MS, possibly Lupus and on and on. They became numb....can't really blame them. But oh how I love and adore them. My little grand daughter Ava calls and says to me, "Grandma, can you come and see me?" How do I tell her I am too sick to travel? I feel so sad for her...as well as my other grand children, whom I may never see again.
The Forums help. FB helps. Reading the Bible really helps. Prayer helps. My husband helps. Calls from my kids help. Living on the mountain helps...oh how I love the wildlife. Surrounded by a 500,000 acre National Forest brings serenity and loneliness. I talk with my family Priest....he is wonderful.
So, I ask? Does anyone else out there think of dying from this horrid illness that has taken our lives away long before death looms?
Yes....I would love to hear from you. I am not afraid to speak of dying,
Love to you all,
Marian