It's been awhile! I am glad it's been awhile, it means I have been living my life, unlike last winter.
The peptide shot update.
You are supposed to get these shots every 3 weeks. It's been 6 for me. Why? Because there has been a hold up getting them from Europe. Without them, I am slipping into darkness.
Food. I have been able to eat all foods except wheat. Foods I have not had for 14 years. Without the shot, itching has set in and then the worst symptom of all, brain fog and depression. You can deal with the physical but when the physical is then turned into mental, forget it. I can't even talk to people. I feel like I am bothered by everyone again. I can't believe how awful it is to feel this way and while feeling better for 8 months due to the shot, I never thought about this. I forgot it and dined out and laughed and was happy talking, working, living.
Now, I am in the abyss. The depths of Chronic Fatigue hell. The depths I forgot existed. I am angry at everyone, obsessed with the negative and itching. Itching.
It is clear to me, these shots are needed for me to exist. Death creeps back into the mind without them. If you don't know about these shots, please read my previous blogs.
What saddens me is that I think to myself, "What if one day someone like the government finds this out or decides...hey what is this? What are these non FDA shots?" Then I can no longer get them. My thought, I will shorten my life span. Isn't that awful? That I have to live in fear of that. That any of us do, if we are on a drug, a supplement, a medicine that helps??? "F" the FDA and the government. A big "F" YOU to you. For medicines that are $400 a day, etc. It's BS. I have friends that have cancer that cannot afford their meds and they are dying. And us..what about us and yes, I know there are people who have it worse throughout the world, but that doesn't take away from my pain or yours. I don't need someone to remind me of that, as a CFS friend did earlier. When you are sick, sometimes you can only see your pain and ya know, that's kind of normal.
Sorry, see, can't you tell I am coming undone? It's like I went off of Paxil or something. Which is another thing, my cousin ended his life 3 days before Christmas. Dealt with depression and went off of his meds cold turkey and then...well, he shot himself. Do I blame him? No. So many people are like "that is so selfish." No it's not. He was a non responsive depressive. He was miserable and had been for 25 years. He is now at peace.
The shot is supposed to be here Saturday. I am counting down the days. Another thing I have really bad is SAD. I can't take not having sun. For years, that wasn't a problem. Well, now it's major. I am living in darkness in so many ways. I ordered a light. A special light you sit in front of. I am taking Vitamin D, etc.
Anyway, this is not a blog for anyone to feel sorrow for me. I am blessed. I can resume the shot soon enough. This is a blog letting you know...still....there is hope. This shot has saved my life and I am more aware of it now than I have ever been.
My hope for all of you is to find whatever it is that makes you better and to give you hope. Hope that there is something out there that works. I have found it. Many have found it.
I am living without right now. Many of us are, but there is hope. I will get it on Saturday.
Here's to not living without. For all of us.
BTW, Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand, was fantastic! Way to go Laura. I love that she has CFS and is still such a talent. And, to Louie Zamperini. Inspiration...
The peptide shot update.
You are supposed to get these shots every 3 weeks. It's been 6 for me. Why? Because there has been a hold up getting them from Europe. Without them, I am slipping into darkness.
Food. I have been able to eat all foods except wheat. Foods I have not had for 14 years. Without the shot, itching has set in and then the worst symptom of all, brain fog and depression. You can deal with the physical but when the physical is then turned into mental, forget it. I can't even talk to people. I feel like I am bothered by everyone again. I can't believe how awful it is to feel this way and while feeling better for 8 months due to the shot, I never thought about this. I forgot it and dined out and laughed and was happy talking, working, living.
Now, I am in the abyss. The depths of Chronic Fatigue hell. The depths I forgot existed. I am angry at everyone, obsessed with the negative and itching. Itching.
It is clear to me, these shots are needed for me to exist. Death creeps back into the mind without them. If you don't know about these shots, please read my previous blogs.
What saddens me is that I think to myself, "What if one day someone like the government finds this out or decides...hey what is this? What are these non FDA shots?" Then I can no longer get them. My thought, I will shorten my life span. Isn't that awful? That I have to live in fear of that. That any of us do, if we are on a drug, a supplement, a medicine that helps??? "F" the FDA and the government. A big "F" YOU to you. For medicines that are $400 a day, etc. It's BS. I have friends that have cancer that cannot afford their meds and they are dying. And us..what about us and yes, I know there are people who have it worse throughout the world, but that doesn't take away from my pain or yours. I don't need someone to remind me of that, as a CFS friend did earlier. When you are sick, sometimes you can only see your pain and ya know, that's kind of normal.
Sorry, see, can't you tell I am coming undone? It's like I went off of Paxil or something. Which is another thing, my cousin ended his life 3 days before Christmas. Dealt with depression and went off of his meds cold turkey and then...well, he shot himself. Do I blame him? No. So many people are like "that is so selfish." No it's not. He was a non responsive depressive. He was miserable and had been for 25 years. He is now at peace.
The shot is supposed to be here Saturday. I am counting down the days. Another thing I have really bad is SAD. I can't take not having sun. For years, that wasn't a problem. Well, now it's major. I am living in darkness in so many ways. I ordered a light. A special light you sit in front of. I am taking Vitamin D, etc.
Anyway, this is not a blog for anyone to feel sorrow for me. I am blessed. I can resume the shot soon enough. This is a blog letting you know...still....there is hope. This shot has saved my life and I am more aware of it now than I have ever been.
My hope for all of you is to find whatever it is that makes you better and to give you hope. Hope that there is something out there that works. I have found it. Many have found it.
I am living without right now. Many of us are, but there is hope. I will get it on Saturday.
Here's to not living without. For all of us.
BTW, Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand, was fantastic! Way to go Laura. I love that she has CFS and is still such a talent. And, to Louie Zamperini. Inspiration...
