An old friend/coworker, someone I've worked with for like maybe ten years or close to it on the net, he and his wife just had a baby. And he's been sharing the pics with me for awhile. And while I am very happy for them, I find it very painful for me. I've been sterile from this disease for over twenty years. I can't have kids. And just the fact they have a happy marriage, which I never got the chance to have because I've been sick so long, it's painful to me. They have everything I cannot have, the marriage, the baby, a good life together.
I'm just tired of watching other people get to live and I can't. Everyone else's life goes on normally, and I'm left to rot. I am happy for my friend, but it's just like more torture to me. Having things shoved in my face that I will never have or get to do. It's hard to deal with. And no one really knows why some people get to have that, while others of us get to be like this. And I just wish I had real answers because I'd probably be able to deal with it better if I knew the why of it.
I'm just tired of watching other people get to live and I can't. Everyone else's life goes on normally, and I'm left to rot. I am happy for my friend, but it's just like more torture to me. Having things shoved in my face that I will never have or get to do. It's hard to deal with. And no one really knows why some people get to have that, while others of us get to be like this. And I just wish I had real answers because I'd probably be able to deal with it better if I knew the why of it.