View attachment 1410
Oh, what to rant about! I had my 3rd shot 3 weeks ago. I am not feeling so hot. This last period knocked me for a loop. Let me describe that; its like being pregnant, I suppose. Eating everything in sight. Not being able to stop eating. Binging. That was how this last period was. I was starving. A heavy period. Exhaustion after the agitation. Then, no appetite and fatigue. What must that be doing to my blood sugar?
Suddenly I have gone downhill. Although, not quite as bad as in the spring. But, I have a yeast infection and herpes fever blisters throughout my mouth. A month ago, I could eat whatever with no ill results, now everything causes bloating and gut pain. I called my doctor and he said I had overdone it, which is not surprising. I basically dove into a Haagen Dazs ice cream container and didnt come out for 4 days out of a week. One needs to know, I havent had ice cream in 13 years, so I went a bit nuts. Eating pound cake, meatballs, ice cream and whatever I wanted. Now, my gut aches, and I am tired. I overdid it. I thought these allergy peptide shots would clear that up, but I am now being told I am only allowed one thing a week that I can have that has been off limits. My immune system needs to heal after years of dysregulation. I was eating several "naughty" things a day!
I am now on Valtrex and Diflucan. Yippee.
The good news is, I dont feel like a mental mess. I feel ok that way. For an entire year, I cried everyday. I dont anymore. So, it has fixed that. That is why I feel this thing that we have is bigger than XMRV, then mold, then pigeonholing it onto one thing.no. It is a defect in our immune systems that allows these viruses, bacteria to take hold, but if we were built right, if we had the immune system that was up to snuff, we wouldnt be sick. Its not as easy as taking this pill, or following that regime that makes it all better. We need to fix the basic core problem. And its bigger than most of us are aware of. Because I have been sick for so long, to me its not one virus or thing that is causing this. Its a jacked up immune system, with a major endocrine component, coupled with then being unable to detox.
The Thinker
I just wish I was not the thinker. The one who thinks about all of this and by nighttime, I am having a hard time concentrating because I am anxious. I am juggling several plates. Several theories. A job and I do it alone. I am strong, that much I know.
I bought a blackberry. Its an interesting device. I can set it so I receive no email or I can set it so I do. If I am tired, I turn that aspect of it off. I do it through my computer. I have not wanted to buy this gadget due to the brain fog, but I knew I had to for the business. I have been selected from several artists to be in different juried events this fall. I am anxious. I was happy at first. Now, I am worried. I am not well. Will I be able to handle it? I talked to a business coach. I am on the fence about that. Its a lot of work and she is not cheap. At the end of the day, all of her great advice might be of no good if I am sick. I explained how ill I am to her though. She is willing to do a partial trade. She thinks that I can go further with this business even with being sick. I just need some help; in other words, an employee part time. Also, a rep who can go to the West Coast with my jewelry. I need to figure out pricing.
I have an event this Saturday outdoors. I thought I was going to take off all summer and just deal with being ill but honestly, I am totally bored. I can't sit idle with this illness. I know I am lucky to be able to say that but honestly, being driven is freaking tiring and yet, would I really have it any other way?
I just want to scoop ice cream again. Thats what I want to do for a job. Make people hot fudge sundaes. Go home with no worries. Take the tips out of the Styrofoam cup and go home. I did that at age 15 and I thought I was living the high life. I went home from my summer in New Hampshire (that is where we went for the summer) and I bought myself clothes and a leather bomber jacket. I thought I was all that and a bag of chips.
The reason I cant do that though, is because I would end up eating all of the ice cream and really become sick! Cant win, I tell ya.
Oh, what to rant about! I had my 3rd shot 3 weeks ago. I am not feeling so hot. This last period knocked me for a loop. Let me describe that; its like being pregnant, I suppose. Eating everything in sight. Not being able to stop eating. Binging. That was how this last period was. I was starving. A heavy period. Exhaustion after the agitation. Then, no appetite and fatigue. What must that be doing to my blood sugar?
Suddenly I have gone downhill. Although, not quite as bad as in the spring. But, I have a yeast infection and herpes fever blisters throughout my mouth. A month ago, I could eat whatever with no ill results, now everything causes bloating and gut pain. I called my doctor and he said I had overdone it, which is not surprising. I basically dove into a Haagen Dazs ice cream container and didnt come out for 4 days out of a week. One needs to know, I havent had ice cream in 13 years, so I went a bit nuts. Eating pound cake, meatballs, ice cream and whatever I wanted. Now, my gut aches, and I am tired. I overdid it. I thought these allergy peptide shots would clear that up, but I am now being told I am only allowed one thing a week that I can have that has been off limits. My immune system needs to heal after years of dysregulation. I was eating several "naughty" things a day!
I am now on Valtrex and Diflucan. Yippee.
The good news is, I dont feel like a mental mess. I feel ok that way. For an entire year, I cried everyday. I dont anymore. So, it has fixed that. That is why I feel this thing that we have is bigger than XMRV, then mold, then pigeonholing it onto one thing.no. It is a defect in our immune systems that allows these viruses, bacteria to take hold, but if we were built right, if we had the immune system that was up to snuff, we wouldnt be sick. Its not as easy as taking this pill, or following that regime that makes it all better. We need to fix the basic core problem. And its bigger than most of us are aware of. Because I have been sick for so long, to me its not one virus or thing that is causing this. Its a jacked up immune system, with a major endocrine component, coupled with then being unable to detox.
The Thinker
I just wish I was not the thinker. The one who thinks about all of this and by nighttime, I am having a hard time concentrating because I am anxious. I am juggling several plates. Several theories. A job and I do it alone. I am strong, that much I know.
I bought a blackberry. Its an interesting device. I can set it so I receive no email or I can set it so I do. If I am tired, I turn that aspect of it off. I do it through my computer. I have not wanted to buy this gadget due to the brain fog, but I knew I had to for the business. I have been selected from several artists to be in different juried events this fall. I am anxious. I was happy at first. Now, I am worried. I am not well. Will I be able to handle it? I talked to a business coach. I am on the fence about that. Its a lot of work and she is not cheap. At the end of the day, all of her great advice might be of no good if I am sick. I explained how ill I am to her though. She is willing to do a partial trade. She thinks that I can go further with this business even with being sick. I just need some help; in other words, an employee part time. Also, a rep who can go to the West Coast with my jewelry. I need to figure out pricing.
I have an event this Saturday outdoors. I thought I was going to take off all summer and just deal with being ill but honestly, I am totally bored. I can't sit idle with this illness. I know I am lucky to be able to say that but honestly, being driven is freaking tiring and yet, would I really have it any other way?
I just want to scoop ice cream again. Thats what I want to do for a job. Make people hot fudge sundaes. Go home with no worries. Take the tips out of the Styrofoam cup and go home. I did that at age 15 and I thought I was living the high life. I went home from my summer in New Hampshire (that is where we went for the summer) and I bought myself clothes and a leather bomber jacket. I thought I was all that and a bag of chips.
The reason I cant do that though, is because I would end up eating all of the ice cream and really become sick! Cant win, I tell ya.