I got to hold a kitty 2 weeks ago (and the same one, again last week)! It was such a heart fulfilling experience. I wasn't sure how i was going to do because with mast cell i've become sensitive to so much. Uh, thats an understatement. I had kitties my entire life. I never realized how much they comforted me for 27 years. My daughter has been wanting a kitty, immensely, like with every ounce of her being ...but my son is allergic to fur animals and we had to go through 3 hospitalizations and much trauma upon me finally demanding on the last hospitalization to find if he had allergies. I was told unlikely. Oh my was he allergic. Oh my were they wrong. So, in 2009, my frail body (i was becoming quite ill this year and i was scared and new to this world) had to let go of my two best friends. Since it was the right thing to do. It was also, surprisingly, one of the hardest things i've ever had to do. Especially with my first kitty i had from the time she was weeks old. We went through so much together over 8 years...and one day i had to let her go, long before our time up...was due. It hurt. To lose a companion like that during such a fragile time of my life. I think a part of me numbed out. I already had lost so many foods that year and was 85 lbs and close to a feeding tube i was told. It was a straw that pushed me into a new era of my life. Letting them go.
So, i mostly haven't been by kitties for many years with my sons allergy (which has improved now that hes much older). Two weeks ago, i received a phonecall that my daughter wanted to bring her to come meet me first. I wasn't sure how to feel. I was incredibly excited but i've learned not to get attached to anything...so i subconsciously put my barriers up. Then my daughter brought her in here...and placed her on my chest. She was so itty bit. This little gray beauty. So tiny. No mama. All alone in this world with no choice but to acclimate to her surroundings to survive and all of these new strangers. Her teeny meows quickly shifted to a purr and release of nervous energy as our heart beats synced up. I pet her tiny body. She laid on my chest staring at the sun coming through the window above my head. I began sobbing. Trying to not bother kitty, i at first attempted to hold it in...but then i just began free flowing crying. She was so beautiful. So pure. This new little life form entering this world. So full of love. The little girl in me was so satiated holding a kitty. Tears streamed down my face. She opened something in my heart. Although i feel so much pain most days, i was so in the now with her.....just experiencing the pure essence of her and i bonding. Bonding is nurturing. Nurturing is healing. Thank you kitty. For bringing my daughter and i SO much love.
So, i mostly haven't been by kitties for many years with my sons allergy (which has improved now that hes much older). Two weeks ago, i received a phonecall that my daughter wanted to bring her to come meet me first. I wasn't sure how to feel. I was incredibly excited but i've learned not to get attached to anything...so i subconsciously put my barriers up. Then my daughter brought her in here...and placed her on my chest. She was so itty bit. This little gray beauty. So tiny. No mama. All alone in this world with no choice but to acclimate to her surroundings to survive and all of these new strangers. Her teeny meows quickly shifted to a purr and release of nervous energy as our heart beats synced up. I pet her tiny body. She laid on my chest staring at the sun coming through the window above my head. I began sobbing. Trying to not bother kitty, i at first attempted to hold it in...but then i just began free flowing crying. She was so beautiful. So pure. This new little life form entering this world. So full of love. The little girl in me was so satiated holding a kitty. Tears streamed down my face. She opened something in my heart. Although i feel so much pain most days, i was so in the now with her.....just experiencing the pure essence of her and i bonding. Bonding is nurturing. Nurturing is healing. Thank you kitty. For bringing my daughter and i SO much love.
