The Noise You Now Know
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep … x1,000
It sounds like a billion desperation crickets getting murdered by thoroughly dedicated meth heads!
Anytime my roommate opens, accesses, and / or utilizes the restroom .. the door alarm beeps and blares… nurses and CNAs come running. And things get impressively unhinged in a hurry.
So yes, I have several times awakened to the penetrating sound of beeps. It's not something one can sleep through - even with ear muffs or ear plugs adorned. At least the ensuing chaos involves top notch instruction (provided by staff), with each having their own suggestive method, as it relates to gravity defiance… though the main message always remains the same…. Don't Fall Down!!!
Beyond that - What's it like in my new room with my new roommate? Hmmm.. I'm glad I asked.
Officially, this is my fourth roommate… in seven months. Is that a good ratio? Well, I cannot know. But I shall give you an outline of what I'm up against in my all-new environs. And really, I'm not up against much. Still, I feel as though I should impart my wealth of knowledge just the same, in case any of you end up being in a nursing home situation (like me) someday in the distant future.
So, Dan hallucinates.. a lot. And he hallucinates often. He cannot help it. He frequently sees someone with me. A person. A person no one else can see. Well, that's not quite right. Dora sees the same thing. An otherwise invisible person standing next to me. And each of them is often asking who my friend is. And I'm not quite sure what to say. I have no intention of embarrassing them.
So that's one of the obstacles I'm contending with… a reality obstacle. But I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be reacting. Do I acknowledge the ghost, or do I simply redirect? Or do I embrace my invisible friend?
With my roommate Dan, my main objective is ensuring that he does not get injured. And so far, no falls (in six days). That's the main concern. There's a history of falling here, and there. And much of his falling has to do with his incorrect perceptions. Or forgetting that he can no longer do certain things. Or sometimes it's just a simple matter of him challenging the given restrictions and (his own) limitations, out of frustration.
Either way, he's rarely (visibly) distressed.
TV Habit(at)
or
Not Seeing is Believing
A curtain now exists, the kind that's latched above. It's attached to a rod assembly and easily pulls across the room, blocking the blue blinking light from the television. But when this curtain is pulled across into a blocking position, my roommate no longer has intimate privacy (and neither do I).
Nope, the curtain isn't long enough to obstruct the view of the television and his bed simultaneously. And really, that doesn't bother me all that much, as there's no semblance of privacy in a place like this anyway. I've been seen and cannot be unseen.
Stringing Along
My new junior sized guitar was $72, plus tax. Yes, I bought a guitar with money that was sent to me! Woohoo! Right? I was encouraged to buy something that would help me resume making music, rather than using the money to invest in rolls of medical tape and/or applesauce.
The six string acoustic arrived days ago with much fanfare, amid curious glances. And after spending a good 10 minutes tuning the darned thing, I began playing. Awkwardly. Slowly. Missing notes here and there. I mean heck, it's been nine years since I picked up a guitar.
I played for a solid 10 minutes, reintegrating song strategies, chord structures, and a few odd single note runs into the mix. And right about the 10-minute mark, my forearms got really super tired. So I put the guitar down.
And then my upper arms grew weak. I began experiencing breathing difficulties, as the muscle weakness spread full-body, top to bottom.
Yeah, my first major crash in months.
Three hours.
That's how long it lasted.
A.M. UPDATE
It's 5:33 am. The bathroom door has opened and closed three times in the past three hours (because the CNA is ________ ______ and _________.) The blaring alarm has also gone off three times in the past three hours. And guess what else? I stopped sleeping three hours ago. That's the math. And that's why I'm up right now, editing this blog entry - so I can share my outright joy and glee with each of you.
Dietitian Talks
Thanks to my personal (unpaid) Phoenix Rising Support Staff, I received a phone call from the Kate Farms dietitian recently.. in efforts to stem the tide of bloat and bile misfortune (*Kate Farms is the maker of my feeding formula). And our talk benefited both parties (well, she said it was beneficial on her end, and I know it was on mine, so we'll just roll with that, shall we?)
In any case, she's a brilliant woman regarding All Things Digestible, and Most Things Internally Mechanical. So yes indeed, we had a thorough troubleshooting session (something I've been seeking out from participating gastroenterologists for the past decade.. but all them G.I.s wanna to do is scan me and probe me and give me the all-clear).
Anyway, this astute dietitian processed fast as thunder following a lightning strike, the kind that strikes within super close proximity… one one-thousand, two one-thousand… BOOM!
We went back and forth for 39 minutes. Or perhaps it was an hour. No matter, she understood what I was saying all the while. And she demonstrated this understanding by making relevant suggestions.
Beyond that, and per my questioning, they changed their formula in November. That's the time frame that also coincides with my starting to go outdoors (in order to obtain the formerly elusive direct sunlight / vitamin D). On their end, they change their formula from vitamin D2, to the more bioavailable D3.
So what do you know… more Vitamin D from all angles! Not solely the Sun.
Dietitian Days Continue
On the following day our resident dietitian (yes, she may actually live on the premises! …or not) visited with me in the courtyard. Mostly, she comes to me every couple of months in order to track my fluid volume, my caloric intake. And that's what she did. She also gushed, something about me looking very good. That I looked very well. That I looked very healthy.
No, I do not necessarily believe her, but why not go with that flow?
And it seems most people feel I look decent, if only because I am darkly tanned now. They also say I look a lot older. And I guess that's what dark skin does.
Here's The Thing -
I am surrounded by people who tell the same stories over and over again. Yes. That goes on a lot here.
Dora made me read the following: Ezekiel - Chapter 3 16-21
I am rewatching a show on Netflix called: Mystic Pop-up Bar
Say It Isn't So
It was 99 degrees yesterday. It is currently 76° in my room. And now, for some godforsaken reason… this morning, THE HEAT IS ON!!!
I am (was) Gifted
For some reason I received money/gift cards two months ago, here at the nursing home… well over $100… for no specific reason (I neither asked, not orchestrated). And I was told to spend that money on nonsense. Things I wanted to buy, rather than things needed. So that's what I did - although it took me 37 days to get past the guilt, before I took action.
Personal Items Purchased:
Cheap (used) Acoustic Guitar $72
Mini-SD card (memory for music recordings/songs)
Cheap Blue-blocking Sunglasses (indoors/tv) $6
Dark Sunglasses (outdoors) $13
Earbuds (mine were broken) $6
Refurbished Bluetooth Speaker (listening to music) $27
Tablet Cover (half-price/used) $11
It's SUPER weird buying things, ANY things, especially things I DO NOT need nor require. Besides applesauce, I haven't bought things since 2013. But again, I was told to buy things that did not include medical tape, sunscreen, hypoallergenic jelly beans, scissors….
I am not feeling guilty, because I was told NOT to feel guilty doing so. Doing this. Heck, I am supposed to be some kind of Minimalist Nursing Home Survivor Dude. And now you guys have absolutely ruined that conceptualization of self! Or maybe everybody ruined that image when they decorated my room with trinkets and cards!
Either way, THANK YOU!
I called the disability people last week, the IRS, the ISS, whoever the hell these people are, and they said it will only be a matter of weeks before they reach a decision. So, if I am somehow determined to be disabled, I will be receiving $120 cash per month to spend on necessary items… and perhaps occasionally, on crap I do not necessarily need, nor require to get by
Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there! I am probably headed outdoors fairly soon, so I can take a serious nap. Enjoy the day. Enjoy your life experience.
Take care,
Howard
Next Time:
The Grappler Bust
Resident Thievery
Gravity Falling
Doppelganger
Discourteousness
Phlegmatic Altruism
Rationing Tape / Cotton-Tipped Applicator Scarcity
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep … x1,000
It sounds like a billion desperation crickets getting murdered by thoroughly dedicated meth heads!
Anytime my roommate opens, accesses, and / or utilizes the restroom .. the door alarm beeps and blares… nurses and CNAs come running. And things get impressively unhinged in a hurry.
So yes, I have several times awakened to the penetrating sound of beeps. It's not something one can sleep through - even with ear muffs or ear plugs adorned. At least the ensuing chaos involves top notch instruction (provided by staff), with each having their own suggestive method, as it relates to gravity defiance… though the main message always remains the same…. Don't Fall Down!!!
Beyond that - What's it like in my new room with my new roommate? Hmmm.. I'm glad I asked.
Officially, this is my fourth roommate… in seven months. Is that a good ratio? Well, I cannot know. But I shall give you an outline of what I'm up against in my all-new environs. And really, I'm not up against much. Still, I feel as though I should impart my wealth of knowledge just the same, in case any of you end up being in a nursing home situation (like me) someday in the distant future.
So, Dan hallucinates.. a lot. And he hallucinates often. He cannot help it. He frequently sees someone with me. A person. A person no one else can see. Well, that's not quite right. Dora sees the same thing. An otherwise invisible person standing next to me. And each of them is often asking who my friend is. And I'm not quite sure what to say. I have no intention of embarrassing them.
So that's one of the obstacles I'm contending with… a reality obstacle. But I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be reacting. Do I acknowledge the ghost, or do I simply redirect? Or do I embrace my invisible friend?
With my roommate Dan, my main objective is ensuring that he does not get injured. And so far, no falls (in six days). That's the main concern. There's a history of falling here, and there. And much of his falling has to do with his incorrect perceptions. Or forgetting that he can no longer do certain things. Or sometimes it's just a simple matter of him challenging the given restrictions and (his own) limitations, out of frustration.
Either way, he's rarely (visibly) distressed.
TV Habit(at)
or
Not Seeing is Believing
A curtain now exists, the kind that's latched above. It's attached to a rod assembly and easily pulls across the room, blocking the blue blinking light from the television. But when this curtain is pulled across into a blocking position, my roommate no longer has intimate privacy (and neither do I).
Nope, the curtain isn't long enough to obstruct the view of the television and his bed simultaneously. And really, that doesn't bother me all that much, as there's no semblance of privacy in a place like this anyway. I've been seen and cannot be unseen.
Stringing Along
My new junior sized guitar was $72, plus tax. Yes, I bought a guitar with money that was sent to me! Woohoo! Right? I was encouraged to buy something that would help me resume making music, rather than using the money to invest in rolls of medical tape and/or applesauce.
The six string acoustic arrived days ago with much fanfare, amid curious glances. And after spending a good 10 minutes tuning the darned thing, I began playing. Awkwardly. Slowly. Missing notes here and there. I mean heck, it's been nine years since I picked up a guitar.
I played for a solid 10 minutes, reintegrating song strategies, chord structures, and a few odd single note runs into the mix. And right about the 10-minute mark, my forearms got really super tired. So I put the guitar down.
And then my upper arms grew weak. I began experiencing breathing difficulties, as the muscle weakness spread full-body, top to bottom.
Yeah, my first major crash in months.
Three hours.
That's how long it lasted.
A.M. UPDATE
It's 5:33 am. The bathroom door has opened and closed three times in the past three hours (because the CNA is ________ ______ and _________.) The blaring alarm has also gone off three times in the past three hours. And guess what else? I stopped sleeping three hours ago. That's the math. And that's why I'm up right now, editing this blog entry - so I can share my outright joy and glee with each of you.
Dietitian Talks
Thanks to my personal (unpaid) Phoenix Rising Support Staff, I received a phone call from the Kate Farms dietitian recently.. in efforts to stem the tide of bloat and bile misfortune (*Kate Farms is the maker of my feeding formula). And our talk benefited both parties (well, she said it was beneficial on her end, and I know it was on mine, so we'll just roll with that, shall we?)
In any case, she's a brilliant woman regarding All Things Digestible, and Most Things Internally Mechanical. So yes indeed, we had a thorough troubleshooting session (something I've been seeking out from participating gastroenterologists for the past decade.. but all them G.I.s wanna to do is scan me and probe me and give me the all-clear).
Anyway, this astute dietitian processed fast as thunder following a lightning strike, the kind that strikes within super close proximity… one one-thousand, two one-thousand… BOOM!
We went back and forth for 39 minutes. Or perhaps it was an hour. No matter, she understood what I was saying all the while. And she demonstrated this understanding by making relevant suggestions.
Beyond that, and per my questioning, they changed their formula in November. That's the time frame that also coincides with my starting to go outdoors (in order to obtain the formerly elusive direct sunlight / vitamin D). On their end, they change their formula from vitamin D2, to the more bioavailable D3.
So what do you know… more Vitamin D from all angles! Not solely the Sun.
Dietitian Days Continue
On the following day our resident dietitian (yes, she may actually live on the premises! …or not) visited with me in the courtyard. Mostly, she comes to me every couple of months in order to track my fluid volume, my caloric intake. And that's what she did. She also gushed, something about me looking very good. That I looked very well. That I looked very healthy.
No, I do not necessarily believe her, but why not go with that flow?
And it seems most people feel I look decent, if only because I am darkly tanned now. They also say I look a lot older. And I guess that's what dark skin does.
Here's The Thing -
I am surrounded by people who tell the same stories over and over again. Yes. That goes on a lot here.
Dora made me read the following: Ezekiel - Chapter 3 16-21
I am rewatching a show on Netflix called: Mystic Pop-up Bar
Say It Isn't So
It was 99 degrees yesterday. It is currently 76° in my room. And now, for some godforsaken reason… this morning, THE HEAT IS ON!!!
I am (was) Gifted
For some reason I received money/gift cards two months ago, here at the nursing home… well over $100… for no specific reason (I neither asked, not orchestrated). And I was told to spend that money on nonsense. Things I wanted to buy, rather than things needed. So that's what I did - although it took me 37 days to get past the guilt, before I took action.
Personal Items Purchased:
Cheap (used) Acoustic Guitar $72
Mini-SD card (memory for music recordings/songs)
Cheap Blue-blocking Sunglasses (indoors/tv) $6
Dark Sunglasses (outdoors) $13
Earbuds (mine were broken) $6
Refurbished Bluetooth Speaker (listening to music) $27
Tablet Cover (half-price/used) $11
It's SUPER weird buying things, ANY things, especially things I DO NOT need nor require. Besides applesauce, I haven't bought things since 2013. But again, I was told to buy things that did not include medical tape, sunscreen, hypoallergenic jelly beans, scissors….
I am not feeling guilty, because I was told NOT to feel guilty doing so. Doing this. Heck, I am supposed to be some kind of Minimalist Nursing Home Survivor Dude. And now you guys have absolutely ruined that conceptualization of self! Or maybe everybody ruined that image when they decorated my room with trinkets and cards!
Either way, THANK YOU!
I called the disability people last week, the IRS, the ISS, whoever the hell these people are, and they said it will only be a matter of weeks before they reach a decision. So, if I am somehow determined to be disabled, I will be receiving $120 cash per month to spend on necessary items… and perhaps occasionally, on crap I do not necessarily need, nor require to get by
Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there! I am probably headed outdoors fairly soon, so I can take a serious nap. Enjoy the day. Enjoy your life experience.
Take care,
Howard
Next Time:
The Grappler Bust
Resident Thievery
Gravity Falling
Doppelganger
Discourteousness
Phlegmatic Altruism
Rationing Tape / Cotton-Tipped Applicator Scarcity
