Destiny is a very strange thing. Sometimes in your life, you come to a crossroad, and you can see that crossroad. And you get to make a choice. How much of that choice is free will and how much of it is destiny, I've never been sure. What I do know is, if I hadn't gotten sick, my life would have been very different. But I've done alot of things since becoming sick that I never would have done had I been healthy.
What's really interesting is when hidden talents come out that you didn't even know you had. But they were sort of there in the background just waiting to be let out. That happened with me.
When I was in high school, I was one of the very first computer hackers. I actually hacked into my teacher's pc from across the room with him watching me do it. It was great, no security back then, he was powerless to stop me. My hacking talent was there, my ability to decipher computer codes and read and write computer languages. It was always there, just hidden beneath the surface. But I didn't get to use it again until almost ten years later. I started to hack games. And eventually went on to help create the SimPE program for Sims 2 and create over six hundred coded files for the game. What's interesting is I never would have done it if I were healthy. I'd be out doing other things in the world.
The SimPE program and the files I've created and the tutorials I've written are used in nearly every country in the world that plays Sims games. I spent about twelve years of my life making people happy every day all around the world. And I did it for no money because I knew I was doing what I was meant to be doing by God.
After my mother died, my relatives tried to belittle and make fun of my work. They did everything in their power to try to get me to stop doing it. I couldn't convince them that I had really been doing what I was meant to be doing. And I think that's a real test of faith. Who is anyone to question what you feel in your heart and your soul is coming from God? I've done altruistic work most of my life, even before I got sick. And it was a choice I made because I believe that some gifts are meant to be shared freely. Not everything in this world is about money.
When I look back on my life, I can see things that helped to prepare me for what I've been going through. Different situations that had alot of impact after I got sick. They gave me the strength of will that I have now. And odd things that really came into play much later in life. They weren't coincidences, they were fate and destiny. I think we are given a certain amount of free will, but I also think some things are meant to be. And when people in my life who don't understand about this disease keep pushing me, it just comes back to faith and destiny and the will of God.
I think I wrote this post because an old family friend attacked me this week. The usual junk about getting a job, which I can't do. And she wouldn't stop saying, "There must be SOMETHING you've overlooked. There must be SOMETHING you can do to earn money." Well, anytime in my life that I've tried to earn money, it was always like fate or God stepped in and did something so it never happened. Therefore, I believe it just hasn't been meant to be. Not everyone is meant to work. And the things I have done were a lifetime's worth of work. I just didn't do it for money. And I was very fortunate to have found something I could do in spite of this disease that took my mind off my symptoms and pain and gave happiness to alot of people for years. Who is anyone to say that I am not doing exactly what God wants me to do, and that I'm not exactly where God wants me to be? Let them prove I'm not.
I think what surprised me was the rage my relatives had that I had found a way to cope with the disease and not be miserable all the time. They were actually really angry about it. Like they wanted me to be miserable, doing nothing, and just suffering every day. Like if you can't work a traditional job, you're supposed to just suffer. Who are they to judge? I believe with all my heart and soul that I've been doing exactly what God wants me to do, and I'm exactly where God wants me. So, they can all prove I'm not. Let them try it.
My faith is still strong. I believe the disease makes you see the world alot differently and alot more clearly. A few people mentioned the word martyr to me in regards to this disease. But that's not what this is. It's a test of faith.
What's really interesting is when hidden talents come out that you didn't even know you had. But they were sort of there in the background just waiting to be let out. That happened with me.
When I was in high school, I was one of the very first computer hackers. I actually hacked into my teacher's pc from across the room with him watching me do it. It was great, no security back then, he was powerless to stop me. My hacking talent was there, my ability to decipher computer codes and read and write computer languages. It was always there, just hidden beneath the surface. But I didn't get to use it again until almost ten years later. I started to hack games. And eventually went on to help create the SimPE program for Sims 2 and create over six hundred coded files for the game. What's interesting is I never would have done it if I were healthy. I'd be out doing other things in the world.
The SimPE program and the files I've created and the tutorials I've written are used in nearly every country in the world that plays Sims games. I spent about twelve years of my life making people happy every day all around the world. And I did it for no money because I knew I was doing what I was meant to be doing by God.
After my mother died, my relatives tried to belittle and make fun of my work. They did everything in their power to try to get me to stop doing it. I couldn't convince them that I had really been doing what I was meant to be doing. And I think that's a real test of faith. Who is anyone to question what you feel in your heart and your soul is coming from God? I've done altruistic work most of my life, even before I got sick. And it was a choice I made because I believe that some gifts are meant to be shared freely. Not everything in this world is about money.
When I look back on my life, I can see things that helped to prepare me for what I've been going through. Different situations that had alot of impact after I got sick. They gave me the strength of will that I have now. And odd things that really came into play much later in life. They weren't coincidences, they were fate and destiny. I think we are given a certain amount of free will, but I also think some things are meant to be. And when people in my life who don't understand about this disease keep pushing me, it just comes back to faith and destiny and the will of God.
I think I wrote this post because an old family friend attacked me this week. The usual junk about getting a job, which I can't do. And she wouldn't stop saying, "There must be SOMETHING you've overlooked. There must be SOMETHING you can do to earn money." Well, anytime in my life that I've tried to earn money, it was always like fate or God stepped in and did something so it never happened. Therefore, I believe it just hasn't been meant to be. Not everyone is meant to work. And the things I have done were a lifetime's worth of work. I just didn't do it for money. And I was very fortunate to have found something I could do in spite of this disease that took my mind off my symptoms and pain and gave happiness to alot of people for years. Who is anyone to say that I am not doing exactly what God wants me to do, and that I'm not exactly where God wants me to be? Let them prove I'm not.
I think what surprised me was the rage my relatives had that I had found a way to cope with the disease and not be miserable all the time. They were actually really angry about it. Like they wanted me to be miserable, doing nothing, and just suffering every day. Like if you can't work a traditional job, you're supposed to just suffer. Who are they to judge? I believe with all my heart and soul that I've been doing exactly what God wants me to do, and I'm exactly where God wants me. So, they can all prove I'm not. Let them try it.
My faith is still strong. I believe the disease makes you see the world alot differently and alot more clearly. A few people mentioned the word martyr to me in regards to this disease. But that's not what this is. It's a test of faith.