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A Letter to the Administrator: Constructive Criticism Appreciated

October 6th, 2021

I would like to send this to… somebody here (at the nursing home) who can do something to help me. Probably via fax. Assuming they can receive faxes here.

I won't even get into what's happened here today. All day. Holy heck! I am still… #!$#!$#@!!!

Anyway, can a few of you proofread this to make sure this makes sense.. that it won't get me into trouble?



To whom it may concern:

My name is Howard, and I currently reside in room #203.

First off, I appreciate the dedicated efforts of your staff. Nearly all of the staff who have entered my room have either been helpful, or friendly, and more often than not, both. So, I do not by any means intend to come off as being ungrateful.

My Request

I cannot tolerate another day stuck in this room with (Jeff) my current roommate. I am possibly the most positive-minded, polite, and helpful person you'll find living here. But I can no longer tolerate living under these conditions.

I am sure you are already fully aware, but Jeff is extremely passive/aggressive, while also being continually loud and aggravated throughout the day. The way he treats the ever-helpful staff is disturbing to me.

I also understand he is in pain, lonely, bitter, struggling… etc. I get it. I feel badly for him, and for his condition. And as often as I can, I do my best to help him out however I can. But at this point, the stress and strain of living in this room with him is physically and mentally worsening my condition. Today I was actually suffering from anxiety symptoms.

I am NOT a troublemaker, nor a malcontent, however, I need to relocate to just about ANYWHERE! Again, I do not mean to sound ungrateful, but I need to lookout for myself.

Please also ask any of your staff members (with whom I've had daily contact) how they would assess me. I am nearly certain they would offer a favorable opinion in regards to my demeanor.

And lastly, I am very willing to work with, befriend, and/or communicate openly with just about anybody (residents, staff members, groundskeepers, etc.). In real life, I was paid to solve problems. But in this instance, and in this room, I cannot hope to find any solutions.

Howard Neal
R
Room 203


Please DO NOT respond to me in the direct presence of my roommate. I do not wish to stir things up/create additional animosity.
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Comments

Rufous McKinney
Oh gosh I used to edit professionally ,

My daughter got sort of mad, after she asked me to merely edit her essay on why she should receive a full year of free Air B n B travel. I rewrote the whole thing. (oops) (sorry, hon).

You've been there 48 hours and its come to this , and quite understandably so from "our" perspective. (yes, probably even longer)



My suggestion-

Move to the very top:

REQUEST- RELOCATION TO NEW ROOM OR NEW ROOM MATE

Next: just write the three sentences that plainly say WHY you can't stay another moment. Bullets...(short list)

I would emphasize- Your Particular Illness results in physical injury due to PME. You must have a quiet, safe and solicitous environment (list what ever it is you require briefly). Tie the needs to: the illness. Jeff is making you very ill.

Everybody else is very helpful so of course include the complements.

You did not come there to be made worse. You specifically came there to avoid being made worse. (otherwise, you'd have stayed home)

The rest of your commentary is explanatory and you can then just say the rest of it.

But I'd hit them big with

1) What you require
2) otherwise you'll get gravely ill


What you've written is fine...I"d just hit them with your needs BOLD up top:

also- AVOID the ANXIETY WORD. Change that to some thing more physical and lacking the mental charge. Don't say Jeff makes you anxious. Jeff is causing your digestive system to break down.

Of course he is making you anxious. We have a damaged nervous system. I made a single phone call today, why was I shaking for 20 minutes?
 
Tammy
So glad you're doing this Howard. Curious, have you been visited by a social worker yet? He/she may be able to help you also with your concerns. Of course there is the challenge of being able to communicate out loud your concerns with your roommate right there.:( Perhaps social worker can get your letter in the right hands?
 
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Howard
Tammy said:
So glad you're doing this Howard. Curious, have you been visited by a social worker yet? He/she may be able to help you also with your concerns.
Click to expand...

Nope. Nobody like that. I am rather surprised that nobody has approached me, in regards to a number of matters. Like.. what are my daily needs/requirements? I don't think they do those sorts of things here. But perhaps this letter might initiate something. :),

It's rather like.. people show up here one day, and then random things happen, or don't happen. Nothing is explained.

I can't even imagine what certain elderly residents go through on a daily basis.
 
sunshine44
Howard said:
Nope. Nobody like that. I am rather surprised that nobody has approached me, in regards to a number of matters. Like.. what are my daily needs/requirements? I don't think they do those sorts of things here. But perhaps this letter might initiate something. :),

It's rather like.. people show up here one day, and then random things happen, or don't happen. Nothing is explained.

I can't even imagine what certain elderly residents go through on a daily basis.
Click to expand...


unbelievable...and not.

Hey, we are SUPER proud of you for using your voice today. Send it off right away. I believe in better days for you. Rest every chance you get right now.
 
YippeeKi YOW !!
Totally with @Rufous McKinney , she made great points.

I'm too brain dead to add nything else right now, but should be recovered after a little lie down.

You might want to wait one more day. Complaining just 2 days after getting there, even tho it's justified by the circumstances and even tho the staff would likely back you up or ata least not deny the situation, could give the overloaded Administrator (and believe me, they're buried, especially in a state-run facility) an excuse to dismiss you as a malcontent.

Extended care/nursing centers always have at least half a dozen really nasty, difficult, loony, even dangrous patients, and sadly, that's where they stick new arrivals, probably bcause everyone else has already requested and received a room reassignment after exposure to them ....

And again, you keep assigning a passive aggressive label to someone who clearly is exactly the opposite. Passive-aggressive behavior is an indirect attempt to control or punish others in a way that's circuitous enough to be hard to challenge, clearly identify, or respond to without seeming to be either the aggressor or out of order yourself.

Jeff is screamingly loud, throws constant, aggrssive, explosive, threatening fits to get attention and/or anything else he wants, he's assaultive in his verbal tantrums. He's anything but passive. Dont defeat your argument before you make it.
 
Howard
YippeeKi YOW !! said:
Jeff is screamingly loud, throws constant, aggrssive, explosive, threatening fits to get attention and/or anything else he wants, he's assaultive in his verbal tantrums.
Click to expand...

You may very well be right on that... and mid-outburst he suddenly turns it around, explaining to the staff member how wonderful they are, and how he's not blaming them (personally).. So yeah, whatever that is called.

I arrived here Sunday and he came in Friday night -

Rest. I'm good. Got a plan.
 
A
Your letter sounds ok @Howard but I'd agree thats it's best not to mention the psychological stuff as it might lead to you being given a presciption for a medicine which might not be that good for you. I expect your situation is one that other residents have experienced, so the staff are probably used to requests for a move to another room. Might not happen straight away and maybe Jeff will calm down a bit when he has adjusted to living there.
 
Rufous McKinney
YippeeKi YOW !! said:
Totally with @Rufous McKinney , she made great points.
Click to expand...

I had an INFJ seizure and wished to withdraw all my bureaucratic suggestions.

And I deleted one of my comments to @Howard- I typed out we need YY.

then I erased it.

Jeff just arrived? But you just arrived? Everybody is adjusting to a new scene? How hard for all concerned.

YippeeKi YOW !! said:
Passive-aggressive behavior is an indirect attempt to control or punish others in a way that's circuitous enough to be hard to challenge, clearly identify, or respond to without seeming to be either the aggressor or out of order yourself.
Click to expand...

I do some of that. EGAD, self. o_O

My psycho landlord handed us the book on Borderline Personality Disorder. I was frequently trying to understand that one , to not much avail. The unstable person owned the book......

I had assumed Jeff was likely well known for his outbursts, that your room assignment is the rotating room assignment, and your not the first person to beg to bale out.
 
L
Hello @Howard....It's certainly not an optimal situation, is it? Maybe Jeff needs some medication that he's not getting....or a hammer to be used on his head!

Good advice, and like Tammy said, ask for a Social Worker and hand her the letter (see if you can get it printed out, or if they'll even do that).

I hope to hear better news soon. Glad the staff is nice, that's helpful. 'Til later....Yours, Lenora.
 

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