Clearing out the Trash

Its late on a refreshingly cool Saturday afternoon &Im taking a break from clearing out the trash. The trash is about dozens (no, hundreds) of internet articles Id printed on my office printer. You see, years ago, I used my lunch time & after work (I had more energy back in those days) trawling the internet for information on my different health problems & miscellaneous, somewhat rather obscure symptoms. I had no home computer & no internet access outside working hours. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:eek:ffice" /><o:p></o:p>
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Some might call this an obsession about my health. Im sure my work colleagues thought this.<o:p></o:p>
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But the reality is that Id been interested in health & well-being for a very long time. I noticed in my first book on herbs that my best friends had written the year 1985 next to the Birthday Wishes on the inside cover. The date on my Certificate in Herbology (from the Victorian School of Reflexology and Herbal Studies was <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:date Month="3" Day="21" Year="1993">21<SUP>st</SUP> March, 1993</st1:date>. My Certificate of Aromatherapy Fundamentals was dated <st1:date Month="12" Day="3" Year="1991">3<SUP>rd</SUP> December 1991</st1:date>.<o:p></o:p>
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My Functional Anatomy Certificate was dated 23rd November 1991. I admit that today, I cant even remember how many bones in the human body, let alone which bone is called what name.:D<o:p></o:p>
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My Allergy & Vega Testing results were done even earlier. <o:p></o:p>
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Why Do I Feel So Awful by Dr David R Collison How to recognize and overcome the devastating illnesses caused by everyday foods and common chemicals, was printed in 1989 - one of the early books on my shelf. But Dr Richard Mackarnesss book Not all in the Mind the Classic study of Food Allergy and Physical and Mental Health1976 and the book, Are you Confused by Dr Paavo Airola dated 1971 suggest that I knew something was wrong at least 30 years ago (if not more).<o:p></o:p>
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My interest in health Mind, Body, Spirit - is not a new hobby.<o:p></o:p>
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Getting back to The Trash<o:p></o:p>
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I figured early retirement was as good a time as any, to go through the Trash in my Life. Ive put at least 95% of these internet articles, many outdated now, in the rubbish bag ready for next weeks regular Council rubbish collection for starters.<o:p></o:p>
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But what about the trash in my mind. How do you go about weeding the outdated thought patterns & habits accumulated over the last 30 years? How do you know the Good thoughts from the Bad?<o:p></o:p>
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How do you overcome Negative Emotions? How do you deal intelligently with Anger? How do you refresh the subdued spirit?<o:p></o:p>
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You wipe it out with one big sweep (& hope that theres no fragments settling in the aftermath), open the windows of your heart, & let the fresh air in.<o:p></o:p>
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Revisit the dreams of youth, but this time around, small dreams, more easily fulfilled. Instead of ambitious plane trips to exotic locations, walk mindfully around the garden & take the time to smell the roses. Observe each new leaf and listen to the buzzing of the bees (in their busy-ness of today). Learn patience to withstand the voracious appetites of the Cabbage Moth Caterpillers (the forum Gardening Thread will explain this one). Run fingers through the Lemon Verbena (my neighbours car was filled with the fragrance of this herb I bought yesterday) and who knows, maybe one day, those small dreams will grow into a new, more satisfying future.<o:p></o:p>
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Instead of striving for the extraordinary, experience the joy of being ordinary. Find a space where you fit in. Find your kind of people, who share your kind of dreams. Find people who understand where youre coming from, but more importantly, want to share the journey of where youre going to (in the future).<o:p></o:p>
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Enjoy the small dreams, the simple pleasures, the everyday moments. And when it comes to health, choose your own path. Be guided by your gut instincts. <o:p></o:p>
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(But if youre the sort of person who doesnt have gut instincts, pray/hope that you can find the best guide on your healing quest).<o:p></o:p>
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Comments

Glad you enjoyed the article, Genevieve,

ICI (invisible chronic illness) seems to give many of us the chance to examine life a little more intimately. We have the time because we're not necessarily bogged down cramming things into already full lives, like healthy people.

Thanks for the book/author recommendation, I'll take note of his name.

Although I have to be honest, & say I have a pile of about 20 new non-fiction books laying unread next to my couch. i'm going through a stage of difficulty in reading - eyesight, memory, comprehension etc.

Takes me hours to write a post or Blog - I have to re-read it about 6 or 7 times to get it even half right.

Vicki
 
Vicki, I can certainly understand your reading difficulties. Mine are getting gradually better, but it goes in fits and starts.

I so agree about the gut instinct being very important in healing - no matter what varieties of healing we're using. One of the benefits of losing my brain is realizing how very good my intuition is.

By the way, for someone with neuro/verbal problems, you write a great blog post! And now you're semi-retired, maybe you can enjoy more nonverbal time as you described; beyond words is often where I get the most healing.
 
Hi Vicki, Just want you to know that I find your blog/posts extremely relatable to where I've been and am cuurently inhabiting.
Thanks for sharing your difficult moments and the upbeat. Your gardening images remind me of past herb and flower gardens that gave me pleasure during days too ill to tend but look out the window and feel content.. The first few years, I also copied every thing available, transferred to ME/cfs student. You have reinforced my beliefs that illness does not have to rob us of quality moments and efforts to thrive and fulfill our purpose. Afterall, we are alive and it is a gift no matter what our giftwrap appears to be. My posts are not often as it is cognitively difficult now to spell and type well (which make me grateful for your efforts). As one who excelled in English, your participation is valued.
I hope and pray that your current life/work transition has a smoother, less abrupt path than some. Sue C (Eastern coast US)
 
Hi Vicki, Just want you to know that I find your blog/posts extremely relatable to where I've been and am cuurently inhabiting.
Thanks for sharing your difficult moments and the upbeat. Your gardening images remind me of past herb and flower gardens that gave me pleasure during days too ill to tend but look out the window and feel content.. The first few years, I also copied every thing available, transferred to ME/cfs student. You have reinforced my beliefs that illness does not have to rob us of quality moments and efforts to thrive and fulfill our purpose. Afterall, we are alive and it is a gift no matter what our giftwrap appears to be. My posts are not often as it is cognitively difficult now to spell and type well (which make me grateful for your efforts). As one who excelled in English, your participation is valued.
I hope and pray that your current life/work transition has a smoother, less abrupt path than some. Sue C (Eastern coast US)
 
Thanks for the praise Sunday & Sue C,

I DO find it really hard to write a post or blog now. I read a phrase or book title on my shelf & suddenly I have an idea of what I want to write about. It's surprising how many books on mind/body I have.

I find it quite literally 99% impossible to write a post on any of the ME/CFS/FM threads. I cannot gather my thoughts or remember the details.

I cannot even write a post on the Buddhist thread (I have many books on Buddhism on my shelf & find great comfort in them) - I can't remember what was written in previous posts on that thread on the Forum, so can't enter a discussion.

My short term memory is far worse than you could imagine.

I'm not sure (at this early stage of my joblessness), that I could learn or do another job ever again. It hit me today when talking to my elderly parents (aged 83 & 86).

I can't imagine how I ever worked full-time 2 weeks ago. It's almost like my brain has suddenly released all the stress & information overload & "burst at the seams".

That is one of the reasons why I think I found the Social Services application forms & interview, and the Job Capacity Assessment interview, so stressful & exhausting.

I can copy a joke from my pile of jokes.

I can write about what happened today (the memory of today's events may be gone tomorrow).

My memory can recall certain episodes or information of my past, but fairly limited.

It's really quite scary.

If, in the future sometime, I did come down with alzheimers, you will all recall this moment in my life when I was confused & fearful of the reduced brain function & deteriorating memory.

If, these weeks are purely a settling in process of rest & recovery from severe stress, then no doubt you will see me recover. FM is the formal diagnosis for me (beside heart, spinal degenerative disease & other health issues), but I still wonder if CFS is also a possibility, after all they share some 85% of similar symptoms.

I don't have ME.
 
gen;bt916 said:
Hi victoria,

I read your article and have enjoyed it.

On how do you clear your mind...You could get (The pwer of now) from eckhat tolle. To me eckhart is my best friend who took the time to give me the ladder out of hell. You may know him already hey! Anyway he has written several books and audio cds and is explaining to you so divinly and clearly what the ego is and how to dissociate from it that it will blow your mind off :) Funny.

It is uplifting for me to see what cfs has achieved. It has awakened so many human beings to real life .I like to think that it is its purpose !?

Sincerly,

Genevieve
Genevieve,

Serendipity is one of my favourite words.

I have just visited my favourite UK Buddhist site called Wisdom Books (to see what's on sale).

And the second winter sale book on offer is, The Power of Now by Eckhat Tolle. What a coincidence. And the price was very reasonable - 55% off (even adding on intern'l freight), so I have added it to my small order & when it arrives in 10 days, i shall be able to share your "best friend's words".
 
Dear Victoria,

Much resonance with me. It is so true that seeing and appreciating what we have (and most of us at least have a home, clean water and food to eat) is better than focussing on what we've lost. Everyone gains and looses as the rollercoaster of life travels on, indifferent.

Who was it who said that 'If you do not appreciate what you have, then you don't deserve any more'
Being ill this year (only a year so far for me, how lucky am I!) has given me time to discover that I really enjoy writing. Over this year I spend maybe an hour a day on the phone to my youngest, in effect 'hanging out' with her by wire, being party to the upbringing of my two grandsons, at a distance. We could do with headsets, but then mine must not be wi-fi or bluetooth, as those seem to have a negative effect on my health.

Were you really working full-time until recently? That must have needed a steely determination to hold things together, while your body was really needing your full attention. No wonder you are at a stand cognitively, at the moment, after whipping your brain into coping mode for so long.

In England we have cabbage whites, we call them butterflies, and their larva make leaves into lace if you don't get efficient with the 'order of the boot' .

Serendipity, and penultimate. They are my two very most favoritist words. I believe in bin (trash can) power too. May your good days grow x

Thank you for your affirmative, practical blog.
 
Were you really working full-time until recently? That must have needed a steely determination to hold things together, while your body was really needing your full attention. No wonder you are at a stand cognitively, at the moment, after whipping your brain into coping mode for so long.
Jace,

now that I'm improving beyond belief, at the start of my 4th week not working, I realise how devastating working full-time was on my health.

I have great will power & determination, but when I ran out of this, I knew deep down that it was time (to give up full-time work).

But it was always the financial aspect of NOT working that held me back.
 
So glad to hear you're feeling some relief, Vicki. I bet and pray (maybe it would be better to pray, then bet) that the rest will do you good. And that great will power and determination will still serve you, only in a different venue. Rest up!
 

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