A New Day

:sleepy: Sleepy here, but not sleepy at 5am in the morning, I am not going to fight my insomnia today, I already tried, it won again. :Retro smile:
So here I am three years or more down the line, I think I am getting closer to acceptance, but notice my own faults and weaknesses here and there. But now I am also recognising my strengths. I live with CFS every day with none to little help, but today 4 p.m I meet with a home support team who are going to support me (not do for me) get my home back to a maintainable state.
I was formally diagnosed with Somatization Disorder by psych. For too long I tried research this subject but hey guess what there isnt really any FACTS on somatization lol. look at table 1 here and it says it all: http://www.aafp.org/afp/20000215/1073.html Anyway I argued my way down the path, eventually having the same doc who diagnosed somatization tell me yes i did have CFS/FIBRO and when the Occupational Therapist put down "physical illness" on my referral to home support, it felt a little like justice was being heard. I spent way too long on a wild goose chase, even made a youtube channel on somatization which I dont regret, many people are given this label and it is good that they can find some one else who has also been labelled.
I don't know what the cause of my CFS is, I have plenty of links one being hypermobility syndrome, another long term stress, but the thing the Psychiatric Field must realise and now let go there theories is that once CFS is present, whether it was caused by a virus, infection, oxidative stress overload and just to mock them back even if you went flying over a cuckoos nest, CFS is a SYNDROME that they cannot argue against and I do believe that over time, psychiatry will let go, I have seen it happen. Things are changing and progress is being made, as with any other mountain to climb it will take time.
Back to later today, this home support service I am worried that they are going to be using a form of GET, only taking place in the house. It has been clearly emphasised that they are not doing it FOR me but helping me to do it. Well I have to give it a shot, maybe I will be pleasantly surprised and they will be more understanding than I imagine. I sure hope so because my body tells me loud and clear when I need to stop and lie down and I am grateful that the body is clever although it doesnt always feel like that cos of the illness itself. I guess if it doesn't work out and they aren't happy with the amount I can do I can tell them GET out, only in the worst case scenario of course:angel:
Today is another part of me losing my denial too. It almost has a protective shield about it. But the reality is my home is hazardous after three years of being bedbound or on best days able to function to a minimum. So 8 hours a week home support is affecting me on different levels....I just hope it doesn't affect me on the physical level. But damn does my house need to be turned back to shape ..at least a little. On the other hand, there will be someone there if help is needed if I fall down so here is hoping to a tomorrow that will be filled with progress. I will try go sleep now remaining positive till I have a cause to be negative, night :sleepy:~Sleepy


Hey Sleepy,

Help is hard to accept but necessary to have.
Not sure what I would do without help :)

Anyway take comfort in the help and not stress from it if you can.
Maybe with the help you will feel better in your environment and
that may give you some level of healing.

You are loved and not not alone!
Hope Love Light :hug:

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