2 Weeks

2 weeks on high dose valcyte and I seem to have fallen into a pattern of one lousy day followed by one better day. This seems likely to be due simply to the fact that I have spent my bad days mostly resting, so I feel better the next day. Whereas I spend good days trying to do everything that didn't get done on the bad days so I crash the following day. I keep trying to tell myself to slow down and take it easy, even when I am feeling a bit better, but it is SO hard for me to do that. For one thing, I am kind of a hyper person who has trouble sitting still unless I am forced too. I also just want to be able to live a normal life, even if it is only on alternate days. I have to get myself into a more long-term mindset. Today was a good day, but I tried not to push myself too hard.

Of course, another possibility is that I feel better when I take xanax the night before because my sleep is better, but I try not to take it 2 nights in a row because of the dependence issue. I do take seroquel and ibuprofin every night and sometimes benedryl when I don't take xanax. My best sleep is when I take 2 xanax, but that is the nuclear option that I save for when my sleep has been terrible a few days in a row.


Just what do you mean by 'dependence?

If you mean that your body will continue to need it, I don't see that as a bad thing. Diabetics are dependent on insulin. Asthmatics are dependent on inhalers.

If you mean that your body will need more and more if it, many people have been on the same dose for years. Of course you won't know which group you are in unless you try and if you find yourself in the 'dependent' group you've got a problem.

I once asked a psychiatrist how the addictiveness of xanax compared with alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine. He said that it was less addictive than alcohol or tobacco and he didn't know how it compared to caffeine.

My personal, non-medically-informed opinion is that considering xanax a nuclear option is a bit extreme.
"Nuclear option" was hyperbole. I do worry, though, about needing increasing amounts because that has been my experience with other sleep drugs. Then eventually they stopped working altogether. I also worry because I am OCD and there is a fine line between compulsion and addiction. This is just my own personal check for my own sense of control and I never meant to apply it to people in general. I agree that our society makes too little distinction between dependence and addiction when it comes to prescription drugs that people need to deal with serious illness.

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