@cb2 I'm currently at 1000 mgs. I tried upping to 1500 a few weeks ago but I didn't feel good. I suspect part of that could be because I just jumped up to the 1500 vs. going up 250 at a time and letting that dose settle. I may try again but right now I have other stuff going on making me feel like crap so I'm good. I haven't had a flare like that in over a year so it is absolutely helping me.
@crosser I can't read all this but cb2 mentioned sleep. I will not sleep without taking some kind of benzo. I have benzos i take to initiate sleep, anthistamines to sustain sleep and other stuff to layer. I just make sure I alternate so I don't develop tolerance.
As for suicide. I've been there and I don't think it helps to deny that we do think about it. Whenever I'm feeling really horrible, I can't help but go there. But I know it's usually something going on, and once I figure it out, I'm good to continue. What I found that helps me mentally, is to do something. Anything so that I don't feel like a victim to the disease.
I fight every day, try new stuff every day, search every day. And sometimes something takes. Right now I'm having luck with LDN. I had no relief the last time I tried it so this is huge.
Do something so you feel like you are in control.