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wanting some psychological ideas for dealing with crying in sleep waking me up

Discussion in 'General Treatment' started by taniaaust1, Apr 15, 2012.

  1. taniaaust1

    taniaaust1 Senior Member

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    My referal to my psychologist has run out and I cant get to a doctor for a several weeks to get another so Im trying to work out how to help myself.

    Last night crying while asleep, woke me up 3 times... waking up with a soggy pillow and wet face (I assume Im probably loudly crying too but fortunately the neighbours havent again rung police over noise I make while dreaming).
    I dont know how to deal with this so crying isnt waking me up.

    My daughter not speaking to me (due to issues ME caused) is obviously really affecting me while asleep (thou I block things out during the day and wont allow myself feel bad about it). How can I stop my subconsciousness from affecting me?

    Her not speaking to me and cutting me out of her life is making me dream "she is gone".. then my subconscious mind goes stupidly dreaming she's dead... and at that I start crying and then that awakes me.

    any ideas how I can work with myself to fix this issue? Im dealing great with the situation during the day.. just not while asleep.
     
  2. Ocean

    Ocean Senior Member

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    Tania, Are there any sleep meds you're taking that might be making this worse? I've noticed different meds have affected my dreams differently and if I remember right some time ago I did also cry in sleep once or twice. Just wanted to bring it up in case something might be worsening this. I wish I had more ideas. I'm sorry your daughter isn't talking to you. Family problems are hard.
     
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  3. Nielk

    Nielk

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    Hi Tania,

    I don't have great advice to give you. It makes sense though that you would feel strongly about your daughter cutting you out of her life. Any mother would feel the same. Moreover, when we are ill, we are more sensitive than "normals". I don't know much about dreams but it seems that one of it's functions are to work put problems that we carry around during the day. Since you are able to face it during the day, tr's coming out at night, when you really can't control what you think about. Maybe it's not so bad, to let those feelings out. It might be therapeutic as long as it doesn't continue for too long. Of course the best solution is (I don't know if this is possible at all), is to try to make some type of reconciliation between the two of you. Maybe someone else in the family can help you out with this.

    I basically just wanted to say that I feel your pain and that it's normal to feel this way. Children are like part of us. They can give us the greatest joy as well as the greatest sorrow. I hope this problem gets resolved for you.
     
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  4. caledonia

    caledonia

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    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) should help you process things faster, or at least tone it down, if not totally eliminate it. This page from Dr. Mercola is the best explanation I've seen. There's also a video.

    http://eft.mercola.com/
     
  5. justy

    justy Senior Member

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    So sorry Tania that you are having this problem and these issues with your daughter. That must be so painful. I am sorry that i can't offer any suggestions to help with this apart from overall stress relief - which takes time, such as regular relaxation and meditation and a good counsellor to talk your issues through with - although i understand that could be very hard in your situation.

    Sending hugs, Justy xx
     
  6. kurt

    kurt Senior Member

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    Well, one suggestion would be to change how your are dealing with the situation during the day. Let your feelings out and have a normal response (anger, sadness, some morning) through the day. Whenever this hits you, let it out. IF your subconscious mind knows you are already expressing your unhappiness over the situation, it might do something more supportive at night.

    Also, during the day, when you feel upset about the situation, maybe create a kind of 'forgiving' meditation. Relax and visualize yourself telling your daughter that while her behavior makes you sad, you love her and are going to forgive her. Take time and really imagine this. Then imagine her saying she is sorry, and know that some day this will happen.

    Sometimes it is very hard to forgive people while they are still wronging us, but that can be an important message to your subconscious, even if you still are figuring things out and maybe have not completely forgiven her yet. If you work towards the intention of eventually forgiving her, and spend some time thinking through possible ways things might eventually get better with your daughter, that is a message to your subconscious. And things might get better someday.

    Here is an example, something that just happened to me. This is not exactly like your situation but maybe there are some common points. A few weeks ago my High School age son told me he hated me and also hated his mom. He is not old enough to leave home but I suspect he would have and I would not have heard from him for a long time, would be in your situation, were he a few years older. Anyway, I was shocked and surprised and he would not tell me why, but things were strained for a few days while I learned what was 'really' wrong. Turned out he was having a social issue at school and in the neighborhood. I realized I could lose him in many different ways, so frustrating and sad, not much we can do once they become independent. But I did what I could and spent time listening to his complaints, and then after a few days I noticed in something he wrote in a school paper that he said he respected his dad. Some children are like that, one minute they hate you the next they think you are great. FWIW, I suspect he might have been exaggerating in the school paper for the teacher's benefit, but the situation helped me recognize that he has to go through his 'stuff' and I have to sometimes let him. Things are better between us now, we both had to process this and I have changed how I relate to him, much more listening on my part.
     
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  7. Googsta

    Googsta Doing Well

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    Tania, Amitryptilene has intense nightmares as a side effect. This coupled with distressing family issues maybe the cause of the sleep issues, just a thought ;)

    You could maybe try some self-help books from the library, if you can arrange delivery or someone to collect them for you.
    Phone ME/CFS Australia for a chat or another helpline you feel comfortable with.

    I hope things improve for you soon. ((HUGS))
     
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  8. ggingues

    ggingues $10 gift code at iHerb GAS343 of $40

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    I believe hypnosis is related to the subconscious. Sorry this is all I have on this.

    GG
     
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  9. taniaaust1

    taniaaust1 Senior Member

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    Possibly. I thought that the Doxylamine Succinate (anti-histamine) I take for sleep was giving me nightmarish dreams (about other things other then my daughter), but recently realised it may not be that, but rather the melatonin I take with it, which was giving me nightmares . I had a few when just taking the melatonin by itself.

    The daughter dreams thou are new ones for me.

    umm I cant remember now what med I was on the very bad night I had with that dream. Amitriptyline or the other two meds.
     
  10. taniaaust1

    taniaaust1 Senior Member

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    yeah maybe.

    Ive been trying to do that for past two and a half years and family members, many of them have talked to her about it, trying to get her to be better with me. She's had my mother in tears over it as she badly abused my mother one time my mother took me there to try to talk to her.. she then refused to talk to my mother for a while.

    Any family member who tries to help.. my daughter ends up cutting them off too. My other daughter doesnt dare to even say anything about me to my other daughter due to just how bad she is.

    Today.. I finally got to see a photo of my first gran son (born a few weeks ago), my other daughter showed me it on her phone.

    I also today managed to get the daughter who wont speak to me her phone number, she may answer if I ring as she wont know its me as doesnt even have my phone number on her phone, as she wants nothing to do with me. Not sure when I'll ring and congratulate her on the birth (probably within next couple of days) .

    Im trying to work up courage to ring her with knowing she's likely to just hang up on me or scream at me for calling her. My attempts to reconcile with her always results in her acting very badly towards me and gives me even more pain.

    Till things improve.. I just ring on her birthday and special occassions as I know she hates having anything to do with me, (she even changed her phone number one time after I found it out). The fact that she's tollerating allowing me to even say a few sentences to her on occassions is something.

    When I unconscious for days in the ICU and it not being known how I'd come out of that.. if Id live or die.. she wasnt even interested in my welfare or seeing me then or otherwards. (so this isnt something which is going to even resolve on my death bed)

    (I was told doctors were ringing my daughters trying to get them to come to the hospital thou I was out of it (I guess they wanted them to sign forms being next of kin?) but with no luck.. at the time my other daughter couldnt came as she was days from giving birth).

    I so wish it could be resolved.
     
  11. taniaaust1

    taniaaust1 Senior Member

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    I really dont know how to let my feelings out. As a child, I got brought up as it was wrong to cry over things.

    When I do get emotional (something I find hard to do.. Ive many a time talked to a counsellor about my big issues while being completely emotionless...I can talk about how one time my daughter actually did die on me.. without actually feeling a thing. It's like Im a third party to it all and what Ive been throu.. and I dont often manage to get myself properly in the first person headspace).

    I guess having Aspergers dont help with this area. IF I do manage to properly feel emotions, I usually like explode and then cant deal with them.. (start self harming as most other coping strategies dont work for me.. watching myself bleed is a distriction technique which does distract me from emotions if I go into a mess due to them... due to the Aspergers I can get inconsolable..so it can get to a point where talking to someone dont help me.. exception to this is with my lover).

    To actually feel negative emotions.. I usually have to like talk myself into dwelling on the stuff and talk myself into being negative.. over and over negative until I feel negative.

    Im not at all angry with my daughter, only sad at times.. Im extremely compassionative about her behaviour. I dont blame her at all, I dont want an appolgy from her, there is nothing to forgive, I understand her headspace is abnormal.
    I know she has Aspergers too, so I dont feel at all mad at her. No blame towards her, I just feel sorry for her. (who knows, maybe she picks up that I feel sorry for her which probably would add to her anger).

    If she truely dont care if I live or die (which she doesnt).. I truly cant see her ever saying sorry to me. I dont even care about if she ever says sorry to me or not.. getting an appology from her for her actions is completly irrelevant to me, she cant help how she is. (many of my other family members probably think she should say sorry thou..but I truely dont care about words like that). I just want to see her and have her seeing me.

    My daughter used to tell me how much she hated me almost daily when she lived home. She was really bullied at school and I was the one she used to take all her frustrations out on. Thing is.. she never would talk to me about the issues she had. I tried and tried to get her talking to me but with no luck at all. She hated me for making her go to school (I would of home schooled her if I havent been severely sick with ME).

    She finally got her way and dropped out of school before she was legal school leaving age with the consent of the education dept as school after trying hard to do so, couldnt do anything with her either and saw her more as a problem to keep her there. She'd walk out on them and be in the park getting smokes from adults in school hours. In the end the school even stopped ringing the police when they discovered her missing again.

    At that point as I was too sick to be dealing with a child with severe issues, she went to live with her father and wouldnt speak then to me (which is something else she hasnt forgiven me for. her having to go to her fathers to live thou it was her choose to go..but I wouldnt allow her to come back). I was happy she'd gone to her fathers to live, she was completely uncontrollable and I was unable to help her and very worried about what else she'd end up doing.

    (She had her own childrens psychologist from the age of 4 years due to violence and putting holes in the house walls to she was 13 years.. and didnt really tend to speak much to him either.

    At 8-10 years old.. she'd bite people if she got mad at something, even strangers in a shopping centre. I once got thrown out of a major store due to that..she threw all the clothes racks over and then bit HARD (she could draw blood), a stranger in the lift).

    I used to have to actually sit on her at times, to stop her hurting people or running in front of cars as she'd just run off on me if she got angry (she could get that angry just from me telling her..no I wouldnt buy something for her in the shop).

    I even ended up trying to get her to go to counselling with me.. but she refused. (this was all from the time she was about 13 years old.. when I stopped allowing her to sleep in my bed and also got a boyfriend).

    My relationship issues with her actually go that far back... with many years of her not speaking or refusing to see me at all.. and then speaking to me again (but only at family functions when she was in the mood to do so).. to how she is now.

    Asperger children arent always like that.. the slightest thing they percieve as a wrong doing even if it was something which couldnt be helped.. a grudge is formed and sometimes nothing seems to change it and harder to solve when they then, refuse to even be in your presence or speak to you.

    They often find it hard to percieve things from the other side of the fence and may not understands the "whys" of why something happened.

    My daughter blames me for a bad upbringing as I was too sick to care for her and couldnt give her the love and affection she needed at times, cause I was stuck in a black room when she was 7 and a half, unable to handle light, sound or touch. I couldnt even hug her, it hurt my body far too much and from there.. thou things improved .. i was extremely sick still.

    She truely believes I destroyed her childhood, she blames me for not getting her glasses when she needed them (I tried but never was unable to follow up appointments as I was too sick to leave my house and had no one to help me with my kids.. and one eye doctor didnt believe she had issues).

    She's very messed up.. so she has nothing to appologise for, I understand she is completely messed up and has big issues. I have nothing to forgive myself for either as I couldnt have changed being so unwell. I still believe I was lucky not to have died during that time

    I can not have her living with me due to the ME and her aggression (she scares me at times), the stress (and also mess..she cant organise or clean up after herself and is EXTREMELY unhygenic) she causes.

    That was the thing which caused her not to be talking to me again 2.5 years ago when she already had a heap of issues against me from the past, but that doesnt mean I didnt love her.

    She thou equated the fact that we cant live together with me not loving her properly (completely black and white thinking) and wont believe otherwise no matter what I or others say.

    Im so glad things worked out between you and your son.
     
  12. taniaaust1

    taniaaust1 Senior Member

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    Thanks.. that is a great idea. I have had hypnosis treatments a long time ago now in the past to deal with something to do with my daughter (a completely different situation)
    That may well help.
     
  13. taniaaust1

    taniaaust1 Senior Member

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    Thanks all for the ideas.

    I have done some EFT in the past.. I had some training for that while i was in ME remission. I hadnt thought to use that seeing it is just affecting me when asleep.
     
  14. barbc56

    barbc56 Senior Member

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    Taniaaust1, have you had a sleep study? I have several sleep disorders, some of them addressed atm, but when I am stressed they seem worse. They have been pretty much life long but became much worse after being diagnosed.

    I was shouting out "help me", "stop that", crying out and having vivid disturbing dreams. I had a sleep study and it turned out I have sleep apnea which means you stop breathing for over ten seconds. or more. I stopped breathing 51 times per hour. I was not even aware of these frequent awakenings but may have been shouting out, bad dreams because my brain was being deprived of oxygen and I couldn't breath. Many think you have to be overweight and snore to have apnea which is not necessarily true. It's more likely a structural problem and after 40 the muscles in our tongue become more lax which can lead to breathing obstruction. Sleep apnea is very detrimental to one's health.

    I strongly believe people with our DD, should have a sleep study as sleep is an integral part and problems with sleep can exacerbates our illness. Some of the meds. we take also interfer with sleep but there are ways you can reduce these adverse effects.

    I am now using a APAP machine, nothing like I thought it would be as the technology/machines are not like the ones of the past, have had few problems adjusting to it and my sleep has improved immensely which has helped with exhaustion. Gone are the masks of the past. I wear two "nasal pillows" which fit over my nostrils and are kept there by the pressure. That being said, I still have me/cfs., but something that helps our symptoms is something to consider.

    For more information see:

    http://www.sleepapnea.org/

    As I said earlier, in times of stress, sleep problems can worsen. While this may not apply to you, it's something to think about.

    Good luck during this trying time.


    Barb C.:>)
     
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  15. Charles555nc

    Charles555nc Senior Member

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    Biaxin caused me to start crying at werid times, try 7 keto dhea to boost your hormone immunity, vitamin c for detox (sodium ascorbate).
     
  16. GcMAF Australia

    GcMAF Australia Senior Member

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    Hi tania,
    i read somewhere about your dreams with cooking.
    I have a lot of this type of dreams, makes me tired at times.
    I dont think its phsychological as such.
    We are with you and thinking of you.
    Us Aussies
    Gcamf
     
  17. taniaaust1

    taniaaust1 Senior Member

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    No I havent had any sleep study done.. my doctors have never been much into doing tests other then blood ones.

    Fortunately that crying in my sleep has stopped. but a few days back.. I suddenly partly woke up as I wasnt breathing. You know that feeling one gets if one has breath held for 50 seconds or so so is really really needing to breath. That feeling the I had to breath and wasnt getting air woke me up .. Im sure I was breathholding in my sleep as it was the same state I was in when I woke due to it.
    (you know when you feel like that pressure in face when you are holding breath and that pressure build up one gets with the need to breath.. that is what I had. Its scary as by the feeling I had, the degree of out of air I was when it woke me up.. I must of breath held for almost a minute) Can one die from breath holding? or will it always wake one up?

    (as far as Im aware.. i wasnt breathholding in sleep due to a nightmare.. so I dont know why it happened).

    Is it normal for even those who dont have sleep apnea to breath hold in sleep? to the point where the breath holding will awake one? Now Im starting to wonder if I may have sleep apnea.

    (Police were rung by neighbour one time as I was yelling and crying in my sleep.. so police came banging on my door due to it.. I had no idea that could be related to sleep apnea)

    I know I do occassionally snore (Ive been woken up by my own snoring a couple of times)

    Stress certainly can worsen my sleep issues esp as far as nightmares go but possibly other stuff too.
     
  18. barbc56

    barbc56 Senior Member

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    Taniaaust, I am not a doctor so can't diagnose if you have sleep apnea. You can die from sleep apnea. With each apnea event, your blood oxygen drops which can also seriously impact your health.

    It sounds like your sleep issues at least warrent a sleep study or a consult with a sleep specialist. It's very important that you get a doctor who is certified in sleep medicine. I'm not sure how heath care works in Australia, but if you go to the website above and go to the forums and you can either find that information or ask others for it. The website has a wealth of information.

    Did you know the CPAP was invented by someone in Australia?

    I would advise getting this done sooner rather than later.

    Take care.
    Barb C.:>)
     
  19. xks201

    xks201 Senior Member

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    check hormones...thyroid...testosterone...progesterone..estrogen
     

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