August 8th, 2016: Understanding and Remembrance Day for Severe Myalgic Encephalomyelitis
Jody Smith joins with other ME voices in honor of Understanding and Remembrance Day for Severe Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.
Discuss the article on the Forums.

Tired of being single

Discussion in 'Lifestyle Management' started by over it, Sep 3, 2016.

  1. over it

    over it

    Messages:
    20
    Likes:
    58
    Hey all,

    Short story...I've had CFS all my 20's and now in my 30's...a short relationship thrown in, few male friends but am realising dating is not going to happen for me...hard enough when you're not sick but, sick...I feel I have even less chance and am facing my life alone. Do others feel similarly?
    Thanks
     
    Joh, Misfit Toy, L'engle and 6 others like this.
  2. GhostGum

    GhostGum Senior Member

    Messages:
    296
    Likes:
    312
    Vic, AU
    I am 35, also lost all those years since I was about 18, I do have hope and expectation though I will find a partner but mostly due to good improvement I guess. I think there is always hope if you have hope of recovery, because it does not matter how old you are to find love and companionship, happens at all ages. Yes it is difficult to lose the prime of your life, although I do not feel at this age now I missed anything by not having a family at a young age, because from what I have seen its a mine field :)
     
    over it and Jennifer J like this.
  3. frederic83

    frederic83 Senior Member

    Messages:
    240
    Likes:
    213
    France
    I'm in the same case as you @over it , A relationship is impossible for me. I don't see any changing. Even a girl is willing to date, I'm not able to do it.
     
    over it likes this.
  4. Skippa

    Skippa Anti-BS

    Messages:
    841
    Likes:
    2,960
    Wot about starting a dating site for the chroncly fatigued?

    Only problem is... Who goes on top?
     
    Lissyleigh, L'engle, Marky90 and 6 others like this.
  5. Mrs Sowester

    Mrs Sowester Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,033
    Likes:
    7,282
    Haha, I was just reading this page to my daughter who has mild ME and suggested a dating page. She said it was a terrible idea, what an unproductive relationship that would be and that nothing would ever get done...
    It would need to be a site for chronically fatigued people and healthy people who want to care others, rescuers I suppose.
     
  6. frederic83

    frederic83 Senior Member

    Messages:
    240
    Likes:
    213
    France
    @Mrs Sowester There is a poll on Health Rising about dating sick persons. I can understand that healthy persons don't want to stick too long with sick people.
    Hey, I'm loaded with virus, I can't work, I have no money, do you want to date me? If you love me very very much, maybe I could share my virus with you.
     
  7. Cheesus

    Cheesus Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,226
    Likes:
    5,483
    UK
    My ex-girlfriend left me after I got sick. This thread is quite timely as I had a dream about her earlier today during a nap, and I woke up feeling very sad. It's strange how these things can linger in the recesses of your mind after so many years.

    If two people with ME entered a relationship you would forever be eating takeaway food :p

    But yes, @over it, it is a difficult situation and quite said, though with recent news from the Naviaux study I am feeling quite positive about the future, so I do not think it will be a life lived in perpetual loneliness. We're a tough bunch, and a little more time and patience will surely see medical science offer a way to a normal life.
     
    Maria1, L'engle, Hutan and 7 others like this.
  8. TigerLilea

    TigerLilea Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Likes:
    3,405
    Vancouver, British Columbia
    Honestly, I don't have the energy for a relationship since having CFS. Even if I were to meet someone, I'd question why they would want to be stuck with someone who can't do much of anything most of the time. And what if a cure were to come along? Would they still expect to have the same slow relationship with them being the care taker, or would they be okay with having an equal partnership and getting out every day making up for lost time? I know of a couple who were in this situation and once a cure came along for her type of blindness, their marriage fell apart. She was thrilled to be able to drive, get a job, and do all the things they couldn't do before. He fell apart - he wanted the dependent wife and the praise he got from everyone for being there for her.
     
    L'engle, Hutan, over it and 1 other person like this.
  9. redrachel76

    redrachel76 Senior Member

    Messages:
    490
    Likes:
    719
    Israel
    Yes, I find it very painful to have missed my 20's and most of the 30's. I have just turned 40.
    I sometimes rant or ask advice about it on the relationships forum here.

    Two years ago I had a tiny improvement and decided to start dating for the first time in my life.
    It is hard to have the experience of a teenager starting out, in the body of a 40 year old with the energy and health of a 80+ year old. Despite those difficulties, it is better than not trying at all.


    You are only in your 30's. How do you know that you are ordained to be alone for life with this? None of us knows what is going go happen.
    If you are too ill to find someone now, there is still a chance that you will improve by 10% for example, later on in your 30's, and that would still be enough to enable you to date someone.

    It sounds like you have had more experience than me than men and that is already an advantage.
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2016
    L'engle, GhostGum, Hutan and 4 others like this.
  10. redrachel76

    redrachel76 Senior Member

    Messages:
    490
    Likes:
    719
    Israel
    Regarding dating disabled events and disabled dating websites, they are always full of men in wheelchairs or mentally ill men.
    I find it weird that any disability that causes exhaustion/tiredness/weakness always hits women more.
    Maybe there is an evolutionary reason for that.
     
    L'engle likes this.
  11. actup

    actup Senior Member

    Messages:
    162
    Likes:
    471
    Pacific NW
    My me/cfs hit later in life so dating not an issue for me but I think you guys are underselling yourselves. I've been so impressed with the wisdom, intelligence and sense of humor of the younger people on this forum. I was not even close to your level of wisdom ( unfortunately which you acquired at great cost) when I was a younger adult.

    In addition you probably look many times better than you feel. It's a tough decision whether to put some of your precious energy into a relationship but there are plenty of healthy people out there who are looking for partners with depth and intellectual curiosity which you have in abundance. Best of luck!
     
  12. over it

    over it

    Messages:
    20
    Likes:
    58
    Thankyou all so so much for th replies, much appreciated. It's true I guess we never know what's around the corner. I'm 38 though and I guess I'm realising my window for having children is gone. People say to me 'I don't know how you're still single' and I think well, if u don't get out, where would u meet anyone for starters? I'm at home everyday. But, there's little I can do about it I know so, I need to just get over it but I suppose it's just a loss to deal with which is tough.
     
    Joh, L'engle, Invisible Woman and 2 others like this.
  13. over it

    over it

    Messages:
    20
    Likes:
    58
    I guess I feel the mind wants those things but the body couldn't do it if it tried. Reality is tough.
     
    redrachel76, Jennifer J and AndyPandy like this.
  14. Daffodil

    Daffodil Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,905
    Likes:
    4,662
    I feel this way. I had some short-ish relationships before the CFS and during it when it wasn't severe. Now I am about 50% improved but still too ill to work or socialize. Being 45, I think I will probably end up alone but sometimes, wonder if it might be still possible if I were to improve more and get really, really lucky lol

    It is a sad situation, though. I once joined a dating site for disabled people but it hardly had any people on it.
     
    L'engle and over it like this.
  15. over it

    over it

    Messages:
    20
    Likes:
    58
    Thanks Daffodil, am glad uve had some relationships. Yes I've seen disabled dating sites but I guess the thing is, people are from all around the world....which is never gonna work either.
    It sure is tough
     
    Daffodil likes this.
  16. Daffodil

    Daffodil Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,905
    Likes:
    4,662
    i hate to admit it, but I often worry I am too old. I know older men often like to date much younger..or least that's what all the articles say. and mentally, I am probably still 22 because my brain has been too messed up to mature
     
    Joh likes this.
  17. over it

    over it

    Messages:
    20
    Likes:
    58
    You're not too old Daffodil. I think the right guy is either there or isn't. Age is just a number hey.
     
  18. actup

    actup Senior Member

    Messages:
    162
    Likes:
    471
    Pacific NW
    @over it I see you are a new member (ditto for me- less than six months). PR has a wonderful collective intelligence on just about anything having to do with me/cfs from personal issues to technical science.
    An energy booster and crash 'buster' I and many others on this forum have found very helpful- high dose Coq10- may be the single most important tip I've discovered on PR.

    Coq10 prevents crashes for me and I feel much more sociable when I take it. It has a wide therapeutic window (safer) and is affordable in the powder form at amazon (brand is called 'bulk powder'). Capsules are pricey. I use 1200 mg and stir w water (flavorless). It tends to bead but goes down easily. There's lots of info on energy supplements at PR. My impression after spending hours on these threads is Coq10 works well for many people.

    Again the best of luck!
     
    L'engle likes this.
  19. over it

    over it

    Messages:
    20
    Likes:
    58
    Thanks act up, I can't take co enzyme q 10 too low a blood pressure but thanks
     
    actup likes this.
  20. Jennifer J

    Jennifer J Senior Member

    Messages:
    851
    Likes:
    4,236
    Southern California
    Hi, Daffodil. You're not too old. This is what I've seen and heard: Men do want to date women in their 40's. The 20-something guys think you have something to teach them ;), if you know what I mean. And all ages find it attractive cause of how women in their 40's present themselves.

    My step father, and I know other men feel this way too, didn't want to date younger women. They want women around their age. They have the same time period cultural references and other things to share in common.

    My friend who has ME met her husband in her mid 40's (he was too). He has fibro.

    It's hard with this illness and dating. I think don't give up if it's something you want and something you can do. :hug:
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2016
    Misfit Toy, L'engle, Daffodil and 2 others like this.

See more popular forum discussions.

Share This Page