How do you deal with it? I've recovered for few years and relapsed hard and so now i am completely disabled. I can barely go to the bathroom on my own and i live in a twilight world where I'm wide awake, anxious, unable to sleep but too shaky neurological and fatigued to sit up. Think about death everyday. Barely able to type this out. I just can't think about leaving my family but it is really hard to do this everyday physically. Some symptom relief will help. Way too messed up to go to the hospital they'll probably do something to make it worse potentially.