I have been away from here for awhile!! YAY!! No offense, but I was sort of off living. Working, not doing anything too much, but not focusing on CFS, basically. But, now I am here. I have a major sinus infection. I have had it since December 27th, but my CFS doc kept saying it was a virus. Everything is a virus with him. Pissed. So, I went on elderberry extract, a bunch of other "crap" sorry...and finally went to a specialist because I actually became so much sicker. Was diagnosed with a sinus problem with possibility of surgery. On antibiotics and was on steroids. What I love about this is...just kidding actually, I am livid. I could have been so much better if I had not listened to my CFS doctor, which brings me to my next paragraph. I have been seeing a therapist. She keeps telling me how angry I am. I am. She's not wrong, but yes, after 23 years of being sick, a crazy ass family, people who have come and gone, and no real beneficial treatments, I am pissed. Who wouldn't be? It's sort of making me even more mad to hear how angry I am. I know that anger is no good for you, but what would you feel if you had constant mishaps happening? Misdiagnosis that has lead to hospitilizations, an ovary that was supposed to have been taken out but wasn't. Being told you are nuts, having your family abuse you verbally and tell you you are worthless? Having ex's tell you they can't handle your situation but they don't want to lose you so they keep abusing you, hoping you will become "well." Having no support, fighting for yourself all of the time and dealing with a lot of people who TAKE. One of the reasons I haven't been on here lately is because nothing changes. We are dealing with the same issues, people try treatments...think they are great then get worse. Patients are mentioning yeast protocols and adrenal protocols like it's some new thing. It's not. All of this stuff was going on back in 1989, when I first got sick. Nothing has changed. "Ground Hog Day." "I got you babe, I got you babe, I got you babe." I rarely ever speak to CFS folks. I can't deal with it. I wanted CFS friends but the reality is, I want friends who have accepted this thing and live with it. I talked to a guy earlier today wanting to find out if there was another doctor that he goes to other than ours for CFS. He started talking to me about how my sinus infection is probably just yeast related. I sort of flipped on him. I have known him since 2002. Nothing has changed. He is going to all of these different doctors, in his 70's, which is also interesting and still treating himself for all the same BS that he talked about in 2002, only he is no better. He now has a roommate in a one bedroom apartment. He talks of how important it is to eat well; we all know this. I am angry. I know it's not good for me, but is anger really the worst thing? Wouldn't it be kind of weird to be sick, have family members that scream at you, abandon you, not know how you are going to pay for this medicine and think that your life is really great?? You haven't been on vacation, you have to work to pay for medical stuff...."yeah you know, I am just so happy!" I would seriously think, what recreational drug are you on dude and where can I get it, if someone told me they were happy with what I am dealing with or what many of us are dealing with. And...is anger worse than sadness, depression? Because no matter what, with all that I have going on, I am going to be one of these things.