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Tania's journal of drug treatments and other ME things

Discussion in 'General Treatment' started by taniaaust1, Dec 28, 2011.

  1. taniaaust1

    taniaaust1 Senior Member

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    I had the psychologist ring me again tonight to see how Im going (I guess she wanted to make sure I hadnt killed myself after this latest news that I cant have counselling throu her under medicare). She told me she'd rang the mental services people to try to enquire what she should do about me as she's concerned, she wanted to know if I'd eatten anything today. I have actually, I had some nuts and some milk and I ate once yesterday, an actual decent meal (I think that may of been the first in a week).

    Anyway, unfortunately the mental health guy rang me wanting to talk to me, but Ive told him to get lost (Im not about to talk to anyone who doesnt understand my situation and arent about to make myself ill going to great efforts trying to get someone to understand!!!!! I cant bear to strike another person who thinks we are just TIRED!). So the best I can do right now is get angry and tell them to go away.

    In the past when I was suicidal and stressed (back when my doctor at that time slept with my boyfriend!! the doctor I'd moved in with cause she said she'd help me but just used my illness to get to him!), , the mental health people actually abandoned me and accused me of putting it on for attention after giving me the borderline personality disorder label, so that too makes me want to not have ANYTHING to do with them. That HURT!! I will not make myself vulerable to them again, so I will not talk to them.

    The only ones I'd be willing to talk too is those who understand ME/CFS and arent goin to say crap to me or wrongly judge. Ive now got a ton of anxiety going on as I expect they will now feel obliged to come to my door. Im going to refuse to answer it so I guess they will have to knock it down. I wish I could remember where I put the padlock for my gates.
     
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  2. taniaaust1

    taniaaust1 Senior Member

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    Ive found the padlock, now they will need to smash in a screen and a door or get over a 6ft high fence to get to a door. Im all agitated and preceiving the mental health people as a huge threat to me in many different ways from what if they take me but dont take my wheelchair ie my legs etc etc. (they'd best not touch me I couldnt handle that with my Aspergers and likely to hit someone and end up in huge trouble).

    I cant believe my bad luck. My elderly friend/boyfriend of all nights, just rang to say that he's coming home and said he can stay the night at my place. Cause of his wife, he's only been able to stay at this house twice since Ive lived here.. we only get to spend a night together about once every 6-12mths. (He's been working on his second house to sell for past couple of weeks and had the land agent there today inspecting it so coming back from there). It would be just my luck to be carted away by psychs before he gets here (coming from the border of the state he wont be getting to my place till 2am in the morning).

    I wish I could settle down, Im a bundle of nerves and of cause not feeling well due to that (I hope all this adrenaline dont make me crash tomorrow).

    Why this timing? I should of been able to be looking forward to his visit and having someone to cuddle up with for once.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2014
  3. MeSci

    MeSci ME/CFS since 1995; activity level 6

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    Isn't this maybe good timing, not bad? I don't think you're in danger of being carted away in the near future. Surely a lot of conditions would have to be fulfilled before that could be done? It will surely be beneficial for your friend to come to you when you are feeling so down and so vulnerable.
     
  4. taniaaust1

    taniaaust1 Senior Member

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    They cart people away for 3 day "assessment" ..that is as long as they can hold you if you arent a danger to yourself. Then annoyingly, I'd have to pay for a taxi home and stress out in case the driver or cab has chemicals and risk a collapse if they do..

    Tthey can thou claim I are a danger to myself as Im not eating well so they could lock me up then for 21 days. They cant thou if I just eat to get out, that's what I will do if I have to as I wont allow myself to stay there making my ME worst!! around nurses and people with chemicals, not being able to sleep when I need to sleep etc etc . A real collapse on their ward thou they'd probably say it was made up or psychological!!. That sure would be interesting... what would they do if I cant get back up? (probably throw me out at that point due to being too difficult case if my past is anything to go by).

    The whole psych field is bullshit based on a persons reactions on a moment of time, Im not crazy, I can act how they wish me to act just for assessment if they forcably lock me up. What are they going to do? Have someone watch me for the rest of my life to make sure I eat?

    My friend wouldnt be able to stop this, in fact he may well support it as he knows I havent been doing well for past few weeks and knows how terribly depressed Ive been. He thinks I should give a psychriastrist a chance to help get me over my current issues I have with what Ive been experiencing with people (he's disappointed that Im not now able to see the psychologist I wanted to see). He's thou not understanding that in my past nearly all of them (Im yet to meet a good psychriastrist!!!) have been truely terrible due to not understanding ME/CFS .

    He's a mr hopeful.. "just give it a go".. thing is things ALWAYS end up backfiring on me and leave me more a mess in some way and I wish I then never tried things in the first place when I KNEW it probably wouldnt have worked from the start.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2014
  5. MeSci

    MeSci ME/CFS since 1995; activity level 6

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    I don't understand why YOU have to pay to get home after being forcibly taken from your home.
     
  6. golden

    golden Senior Member

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    Clear Light
    The problem here is, each organisation has its own rules and systems. And some have daft, annoying pointless rules which dont bend.

    And simply *the thought of applying* is causing such distress.

    Now, this has happened to me. I actually needed a letter from the Perrin Technique Practitioner amended from supporting me in claiming benefits to supporting me in *not *claiming benefits as the mere further energy of the application process threatened to cause a relapse.

    The very real practical problems of each new applicatiin process - cognitive problems, energy limitation, mis-understanding of Asperges, Ignorant of M.E. needs addressing somehow. As it is a pickle.

    And so an idea was another person was needed to help apply. However, this was further complicated by the strict Australian Laws. And ordinary folk are hampered here from helping.

    And so I thought this counsellor/social worker was particularly well placed to do this instead.

    I think starting to build up your eating again is a good idea @T1 each day as you are doing - this is fundamental.

    Followin a very simplistic, basic 'Granny style' protocol is the only way I know. Such as saying nurturing, loving things to yourself.

    Eating little and often, keeping hydrated, and resting. (Although I have heard Grannys are somewhat different these days! Never had one).

    Slowly and steadily.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2014
  7. MeSci

    MeSci ME/CFS since 1995; activity level 6

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    I agree, especially if, as you say, Tania, the psych squad might use your not-eating as a reason for forcibly detaining you.
     
    Little Bluestem likes this.
  8. Little Bluestem

    Little Bluestem Senescent on the Illinois prairie, USA

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    How long in the past was that? Maybe they now do therapy by phone, skype(sp?), or internet chat.
     
  9. Little Bluestem

    Little Bluestem Senescent on the Illinois prairie, USA

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    Do you know that this guy doesn't understand your situation or was going to wrongly judge you? It is not fair to hold the behavior of other mental health people from your past against him. If you had made a small effort to talk to him, you might have found that he was OK. If not, then you could have told him to get lost. I think that would have been easier than having a ton of anxiety that someone is going to be coming to your door.

    If they do come and you refuse to answer the door, do you think that will make the situation better?
     
  10. MeSci

    MeSci ME/CFS since 1995; activity level 6

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    I think I understand why Tania has not wanted to talk to the mental health guy or answer the door. So many people have failed to understand, and made things worse, and used up her precious energy that she fears further stress and can't face it. I've been in such situations myself, and my stress levels have been unbearable and overwhelming. We can get to such a level of stress that we just can't face any more, or the risk of any more, and Aspies are especially prone to it.

    That's why Tania so needs an understanding intermediary who can vet her interactions and protect her from further stressful encounters.

    I think that Tania is showing more fortitude and persistence than I might have had. I think I would have given up already and just tried to cope alone without support. In particular I would no way be able to cope with all those phone calls. I prefer to avoid them altogether.

    I've had two people knock on my door this morning, and although I knew it was probably just deliveries or collections I nearly jumped out of my skin and my heart was pounding for several minutes.
     
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  11. Little Bluestem

    Little Bluestem Senescent on the Illinois prairie, USA

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    I do not have asperger's nor do I know anyone with it, so I will admit I am at a disadvantage here. It does appear to me, though, that she has increased the risk of more stress by not talking, briefly, to the mental health guy. She said she has a ton of stress going on right now as she expects they will come to her door. If they do come and she doesn't go to the door, I think the risk of greater stress would go up more.
     
  12. Little Bluestem

    Little Bluestem Senescent on the Illinois prairie, USA

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    @taniaaust1, please leave a short note to let us know where you are and how you are doing as soon as you feel up to it. :hug:
     
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  13. MeSci

    MeSci ME/CFS since 1995; activity level 6

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    Tania hasn't posted since Monday, which is worrying.
     
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  14. Valentijn

    Valentijn Activity Level: 3

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    Her profile says she was here about 40 hours ago.
     
  15. MeSci

    MeSci ME/CFS since 1995; activity level 6

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    Has anyone started a conversation with her to ask if she is OK?
     
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  16. brenda

    brenda Senior Member

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    Last edited: Aug 30, 2014
    taniaaust1, Ritto and alex3619 like this.
  17. alex3619

    alex3619 Senior Member

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    I just this minute confirmed Tania is OK. I talked only very briefly on the phone as it drains her. She is just being quiet, and said she might post something soon.
     
  18. taniaaust1

    taniaaust1 Senior Member

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    sorry to worry people, alex just rang me and told me people were getting worried.

    I just cause Im feeling so upset about things and just wanting to disconnect from "everything" in this life , I dont really feel like talking to anyone I just want to disconnect from this whole world. I couldnt even get myself to come and post due to how Im psychologically currently feeling, but alexs phone call gave me a prompting to come here, (thou right now I do have a bad headache maybe cause Im still not eatting hardly at all thou it could well be the ME) and update. I should be keeping my records here too as Ive had people phoning and Ive been forgetting what people have said.

    I too just want to avoid this site right now as it leaves me feeling confused as I know people here want me to try to sort stuff out and are offering suggestions still but Im feeling beyond it. Ive given up. I dont want to keep trying and trying (I try soo hard!!) and geting nowhere, so do not want to be trying to sort out anything, so Ive gone into avoidance of everything including this site where I usually get my emotional support from. I just give up :cry: .

    Having that new peson at the equal opportunity commisson not taking my complaint over disability services seriously like it should of been done (obviously not ringing my doctors to find out that Im telling the truth etc) and telling me that I just have to learn to live like this (in a horrendous way due to lack of physical support) was all too much, I cant believe she expected me to learn to live without even being able to get to doctors for support, learn to live with all my medical issues not getting the treatment they need etc etc and my doctor wont do home visits). I JUST CANT DO IT ANY MORE. I CANT

    I appreciate all the suggestions but no longer want to do them as I do not want to live so its pointless even trying. Im past that point now after trying so hard for so long. I do not have the strength to continue and now view this world as a cold mean place (except people here). I do not understand at all why Ive been treated how Ive been done.

    sorry I wont do that post update today, Im getting way too distressed thinking about things (I cant even stand thinking about them) so going to take myself and my headache back to bed.
    ..............

    I dont even have my elderly friend around right now for the one afternoon a week help he had been giving me as he's on a cruise, being a support for his mother in her 90s and her partner right now. So he'll be way for many weeks, he left on Thursday.
     
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2014
    Little Bluestem likes this.
  19. Alea Ishikawa

    Alea Ishikawa Senior Member

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    Tania - you sound like you are overwhelmed right now. Get some rest.

    Take all the time you need. If you need to cut out forums, etc. to re-balance your life, please do so. Do what is necessary to take care of yourself.


    All - After she is rested, is there anyone nearby who knows her and can visit with her, spend time with her, if she is up for physical interaction?

    How is help for her on housecleaning, meal prep, chauffeur?

    Is there anything that can be done to make her day - a chemical-less card or giftbasket, an email, a funny picture to brighten her mood? Prayers? Positive thoughts?

    I've been in dark places before. Sometimes, all it takes is someone who cares, saying or doing a good thing to help relieve the pressure/ick. Tania sounds like she seriously needs some uplift right now.
     
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2014
  20. Alea Ishikawa

    Alea Ishikawa Senior Member

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    taniaaust1 and MeSci like this.

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