Yesterdays Neuropsychology Research Appointment The study should be a good one, they did many different neuropsychology tests for it and some certainly I think showed up my ME brain issues unlike the visual card memory test I got given the other week. (The visual card test the other day was one in which after seeing an object on a card for 5 seconds,after being shown all the cards, they present cards and one has to say if one saw that card before or not. With the visual memory aid help, amazingly by the third try I got 30? or was it 50? out of 30 or 50 right thou Im not a visual person at all ..every one correct..when I did that not thinking (the moment I hesitated and started to think, I got answers wrong as I got confused.. if I threw an answer out without thought, i could thou get it right... I think I used a lot of my intuition with that test thou too, Im highly intuitive with some things). These tests yesterday thou didnt at all go by visual memory. 0ne focused on hearing things and remembering (an area I do know I have bad issues in as this is an area which does affect my life). He read out a list of words.. about one per second which was too fast for my brain thou it would of been okay for someone who hasnt got ME (but I need more thinking time just to absorb info). I then got asked to repeat back the words I remembered him saying (not in any order). I think the first time I got about 7-8 right (of I assume about 30 words he'd read out, maybe more). He did this again with me, reading out the words again to me (I thought he was tricking me and adding new words in as most of them I didnt at all remember hearing the first time, probably cause at one per second being too fast for my brain). The second round I got less right.. only 6 I think it was (I was starting by saying the very last ones he said and saying them as quickly as possible to try to get as many as I could before I forgot). He repeated the test the third time (still using the same words)... I got an even worst result and I think I only could remember 4. The more times we did the hearing memory test, the worst I got. (opposite result to when I'd done a visual memory test.. I still dont know how i got about 50/50 for that one!! I was on a better brain day but a result like that? do we have no issue in the visual memory area when we are given plenty of time to focus on what we want to remember?). I also was saying words which he'd never said in trying to come up with the words. Then he had me do this aweful test (it was so stressful trying to do this one that I cried a bit due to it).. where he had words in various colours and the words were the names of colours but the colours of the words didnt match the colour the word said. I struggled with just the three example ones to the point that he thought I hadnt understood what he'd explained I had to do eg say the colour of the word rather then what the word said. I had to then explain to the neuropsychologist that I was having to repeat over and over in my head 'say the colour of the word and not what the word says" just so I remembered what I was supposed to do, at the same time as trying to do the exercise and get the colour right or otherwise I'd automatically start reading the words instead. too much for my brain. It took me three attempts just with the second word..I kept saying the wrong colour. Then he told me I had to do the whole page of these words (it was so overwhelming cause it was so hard hence tears when he said we were doing the whole page). Then to top it off at one point I even said yellow when there wasnt even yellow words on the page or even the written word yellow. One of the random breakdowns my brain has when completely unrelated things suddenly enter the picture. There was also various speed tests eg a page of letters and numbers and I had to see how fast i could find and draw a line from A, 1, B, 2, C, 3 etc (I think I probably did that at a normals speed, Im a speed reader so found things fast thou by the middle of the alphabet Im not 100% sure if I was getting the alphabet right.. but anyway, i dont think that test showed up much. Its a pity I dont get my results from the neuropsych tests as I'd love to know what they were but being part of a reseach study he said it just got all analysed together. Im soo glad thou that they are trying to look at the precise areas of our memory being affected rather then that we just have affected memories as I think it will show up much more. We need special memory tests tailored for us, to suit the kinds of memory issues which happen in ME. I few hours after I got home from the testing.. the ME hit in a similar way to what it had hit the day before (in a very aweful way..I started thinking that if I was ill like that all the time I'd actually go to one of those countries..is it Switzerland? and get myself euthusized..oh what is that word? when animals get put down. I cant stand feeling that sick) and I had to go to bed (I think it was around 6pm) and was there for the rest of the night. Thank God I fell asleep before the ME hit as bad as the day before... after 12hrs sleep, I woke up feeling good. My postexcertional symptoms hit me quite differently to what they used to do.. come on fast but also leave much faster too. I think I prefer being comatose to how it feels now. I cant even describe it.. its all all over extreme unwellness, not a pain or nausea unwellness thou there is some of that there which bothers me but its this other thing bothering me far more.. no other way to explain it them extremely all over terribly unwell. Maybe like that overall not well feel one gets with flu but heighten the overall unwell kind of feel 50-100 times, its almost unbearable so I start thinking of wanting to die to escape how unwell Im feeling. . im not even thou sure its like the flu feel (or maybe it is if one takes away the pain and the nausea and are just left with that general unwell feel timesed). I find that feeling very hard to handle.. how on earth could I explain how bad it is to a dr, I cant even describe it well. How does one treat an extremely unwell feeling other then by avoiding doing too much to avoid triggering it off?