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A Little Poisoning Along the Road to ME/CFS
Looking at my symptoms, many of which are far less these days and some are gone, it would be easy to figure that I'd just been dealing with some heavy-duty menopausal issues.
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Suffering and spirituality 2

Discussion in 'Spirituality and ME/CFS' started by Nielk, Aug 27, 2011.

  1. Nielk

    Nielk

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    You have a point Ember.
    What is the difference between acceptance and surrender? One seems to have a positive connotation the other could go either way. To me surrendering when we think of it spiritually (not bodily) means letting go - admitting that we are not in charge which I believe is the truth. But, we are still given free choice to act as we chose. So I find it hard to completely surrender and just think "Your will is my will". I still need my own individual voice. With acceptance though, I don't feel that I'm giving up my "self". I'm just open to receive. I accept that everything happens just the way it's supposed to. I get a peaceful felling when I think and feel this way. I feel one with the universe. I'm afraid that if I surrender, my ego wll be totally drowned out. I'm not sure if this makes any sense. It is just the way I feel at the moment. I am a work in progress though.
     
    rosie26 likes this.
  2. Nielk

    Nielk

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    The work in progress has been reading a book by Dr. Judith Orloff, MD titled "Second Sight".
    I have a better grasp now of what surrender means. From what This author explains, in order to get in touch with your intuitive side you have to let go of your logical mind. Not unlike if you are trying to meditate, you want to quiet or "surrender" you mind (ego) so that you are an empty vessel that can "receive".
    Many studies have been done - like the one from John Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D. - based on his stress reduction program which is a clinic that he ran for many years at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center. Patients took part in an 8 week course in meditation and stress reduction aimed to help them heal. He taught them how to use mindfulness meditation. He explains that there is a healing power of connectedness when you let go of the chatter in your brain and you meditate. "Mindfulness is more than a meditation practice that can have a profound medical and psychological benefits;it is also a way of life that reveals the gentle and loving wholeness that lies at the heart of our being, even in times of great pain and suffering.

    I have no previous experience with meditation. I have experience with prayer and belief in God but I have been reading some books lately about meditation and it's health benefits. I have been having help with my meditation in the past week and am finding it fascinating. I think the biggest improvement over what I was doing before (praying) is that with meditation, you are quieting the brain. My brain is over stimulated. Which is probably the case with many of us. By learning the skill to quiet it down, I can see how it can positively effect our health. I'm not saying it's a cure by far but, it's a useful tool.
     
  3. Ember

    Ember Senior Member

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    Suffering may bring us to spirituality, but when spirituality turns out to be bad news for the ego, we tend to resist and recycle our old strategies. That's the message for me in many of Adyashanti's online video clips: Beyond the Personal Will, Surrender or Suffer, Rest as Awareness, Getting Beyond Ego, Letting Go of Struggle, Truth or Bust, This is It (http://www.adyashanti.org/index.php?file=watchvideo).
     
  4. richvank

    richvank Senior Member

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    Hi, Dreambirdie.

    Concerning the things you posted, Jesus had this to say:

    "But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."

    It's so sad that many who claim to be Christians don't try to live up to it. We all fail to some degree, but it seems that some do not actually even try.

    Best regards,

    Rich
     
  5. Nielk

    Nielk

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    One thing I have come to understand for sure this past week.

    I have been feeling better due to some new healing work I'm doing right now.
    Better, i the key word. Not well. I still wake up wit a headache. I am still sensitive to most things but, I have been able to get out EVERY day of this week! I am so thankful for every minute of these "better" days. I look at it as a gift from God. I am very mindful and am in a state that every little thing that I am feeling or seeing, I find beauty in it.

    There is no way that I would have come to this place of appreciation if it wasn't for the fact that I have been so severely ill for so long. I also don't know how long this will last but, this switch to the positive in my condition for as long as it lasts, has brought me unbelievable heartfelt gratitude.

    I have been also working on my ability of letting go - surrendering and i think that I am getting there. Events will unforld the way they are divinely supposed to happen. My ego is just in the way. If I accept what is happening and internalize that it's for the best, eventually goodness will come to me.

    That is what happened with Job. He accepted everything that God was throwing at him. His faith was not swayed and ultimately he reaped the rewards.

    Of course, I understand that this is much easier to accept when one is feeling better. There is also more clarity in this state.
    I hope this feeling will last but, if it doesn't, have to accept that too.
     
  6. Nielk

    Nielk

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  7. Mary Poppins

    Mary Poppins PJ Princess

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    That's beautiful, Neilk. Thanks so much for sharing that - and surely you are one of the 'beautiful people' Kubler-Ross is writing of. xo
     
  8. Dreambirdie

    Dreambirdie work in progress

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    What Mary said. Great little piece.
     
  9. Nielk

    Nielk

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    wall post.jpg

    I think that this is appropriate as a reminder that if the medical establishment just stands by and watch us suffer without trying to find a treatment, they are guilty. They are guilty of negligence. Just doing nothing is not an escape from responsibility.
    We are alarmingly growing by numbers. They can no longer look away and think we will disappear. They took an oath when thry became doctors and they should be held accountable.
    It is not okay for a doctor to just say since I don't see anything wrong with you, even though you have all these painful symptoms. I cannot help you. It's time for doctors to get involved and want to try to find a solution for us instead of letting us rot away.
    Our suffering should be on their conscious. Had they taken this illness seriously from day one, we would have found a treatment already. It's their apathy and unwillingness to listen to us that have damaged our potential treatments.
     
    rosie26 likes this.
  10. Ember

    Ember Senior Member

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    Agreed. But can we exclude from our wrath those few fools who thought we wanted a respectable name for our disease and a better case definition?

    I'd forgive the expert panel of fools whose premature actions will cause much harm to those ill.
     
  11. Nielk

    Nielk

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    My plea to God:

    It is three days before Yom Kippur.
    The day of reckoning when we pray from a siddur.
    Our hearts are pleading for a better life.

    My soul is yearning for God's blessings.
    No more strife and misgivings
    Just peace, love and healing.

    This past year has been full of suffering and pain.
    Will all my tears be in vain?
    How I wish for a sign of a meaning.

    I put all my trust in You.
    I seek and desire a clue.
    Please tell me, when will this end?

    I pray to you, heal all the sick.
    the destitute and the meek
    We are all Your children, please be our Father.

    My body and mind is screaming out,
    enough, let the sunshine out.
    Let it shine on the sick of the world.

    Let my soul soar like a bird in the sky.
    Free of pain, and no more why
    Just enjoying all the beauty You have created.

    This is the time of being judged high above.
    Will You show me pity and love?
    Will you hear my plea?
     
  12. Nielk

    Nielk

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    307342_2538094093699_1294032550_3093881_800436418_n.jpg

    Needs no introduction, nor explanation.
     
  13. Mandala

    Mandala

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    I am new to Phoenix Rising, and already it is like finding a home. A special thank-you to everyone on this thread. I have read everything and am so grateful to find people discussing such meaning. Thanks especially to neilk and mr. cat for words that have touched my heart. Now in the process of losing my job, I read "My job is to heal myself," which rang true and comforted me. I too find that brain fog leaves me feeling spiritually bereft and disconnected. I have read "My Plea to God" several times; it expresses what I cannot articulate right now. Thank you all, Mary (mandala)
     
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  14. Nielk

    Nielk

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    Hi Mary (mandala),

    Welcome to the forum! I'm glad you are enjoying this thread and feel you are gaining something out of it. I have been thinking of just writing my thoughts and spiritual musings in just a private journal but, I feel I gain so much more nu writing here because I get such interesting and inspiring feedback. I'm happy to hear that you are also inspired by the thread. Thank you for sharing that and feel free to share your thoughts on the subject.
     
  15. madietodd

    madietodd Senior Member

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    Nelk, when did you change your avatar? I just noticed. If it's a symbol, what does it mean?
     
  16. Nielk

    Nielk

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    It's my Jewish name in Hebrew letters.
     
  17. Nielk

    Nielk

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    I have a confession to make.This past month, I have been working very hard internally to try to raise my spiritual level. I have made it my #1 priority. I have prayed a lot, asking for God's guidance. I have been reading books on how to overcome adversity and how to raise your soul to be more spiritual/intuitive. The reason why i put such an effort now is simply because this is the right time of year in the Jewish calendar to do so. We are directed to do an internal accounting and to make amends wherever we can. I went as far as asking forgiveness from people who are close to me that I felt I might have wronged. I went to a spiritual healer who helped me get out a lot of negative thoughts that I was holding on to. I wanted a complete cleansing or more like purging of anything that could be damaging my soul. I felt like I progressed pretty well and I even started to eel better physically too. I had a little more strength. I was able to get out of the house for a bit. I felt a real closeness to God.
    Three days ago, I started to have a vicious sinus/migraine headache and it hasn't let up since. I am at my wits end physically and emotionally I feel like all the progress I have worked so far to achieve, totally crumbled on me.
    I have no more strength left to fight this. What am I supposed to do?
     
  18. kurt

    kurt Senior Member

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    Holiday time or sacred time is often hard on ME/CFS patients, as there are many subtle stressors on us, even if we try to opt out of things. Anyway, sounds like you have had some PEM from spiritual over-exertion (based on your words bolded above). I don't mean to sound anti or negative towards spirituality, spiritual practices have really helped me. But took years to discover which ones would help and which would harm, and yes, some spiritual practices that I had no problem with pre-ME/CFS now can be stressful to me and I avoid them. God does not judge you in any way for being sick, and your illness is not any type of punishment. I think sometimes when we seek God out of a pre-existing spiritual orientation we had prior to illness, we take on subconscious loads that we no longer can carry. So realistically we need to make accommodations for our illness in religious holidays. Sort of like the generally accepted advice that pregnant or nursing women should not participate in religious fasting (I believe most religious systems in the world honor that one).

    I can't give you any specific advice as I am not Jewish, but I had to step outside my own religious upbringing to find spiritual insights and meditations that worked within the context of my ME/CFS. Much of that was learning how to let go of the need to get well, and let things proceed in a natural way. I know that sounds strange, but to a pious person, getting well is a mandate because you can not serve God or your fellow beings while you are sick. But striving to heal oneself, or trying harder to please God so you can be healed, is exertion! Mental and even spiritual exertion must be carefully managed, we have to stay within our spiritual effort envelope just the same as if it were a physical effort envelope. The brain uses half of the body's glucose, thinking and inner striving is significant exertion for us. And I do know that God will understand if you can't do as much spiritual striving, so maybe you need to work on your own understanding of this limitation... but don't exert too hard on that thought...

    Here is a suggestion, maybe it is time to let someone else strive for you for awhile, take a break. Maybe instead of fervent prayer or meditation, listen to some CDs or download some spiritual message sound-tracks that are healing for you (that's what I mean by letting someone else do the striving for you). Something to reduce the spiritual and mental stress you are experiencing. One message that really has helped me to relax and let go is talks by Eckardt Tolle, he has quite a few YouTube talks, and there are others of course. A spiritual distraction, so to speak, and one that gives you a little rest from your personal spiritual burden, in an unconditionally loving way.
     
  19. Nielk

    Nielk

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    Hi Kurt,

    I really appreciate you taking the time to really read my post and for your thought out reply. You gave me an insight which I never saw myself. You are right, I did write "working very hard" without realizing what that really meant. I was mentally over doing and didn't think of it. Even though, I felt I was trying to do something positive, it came with immense urgency. That was probably too much for me. (obviously, it was) Even though I am very open minded, accepting and interested in all religions and different forms of spirituality. For myself, it is very hard (okay, impossible) to step away from my Jewish religion. I was born into it. I come from a legacy of famed Rabbis as ancestors. It's like it's part of my DNA.
    You are right when you say that God wants me to get well and healthy. Even within the context of orthodox Judaism, health trumps all commandments. If I feel that it's too much for me or that it would harm my health. I am absolved from actually doing anything as far as religion is concerned. I have to take care of my health. I thought that what I was doing will strengthen me-which it did for a little while but, you are right, I was trying too hard. I need to take a step back and relax.
    I am so appreciative that you opened up my eyes to this. You are very intuitive.
    Thank you,
    Nielk
     
  20. Ember

    Ember Senior Member

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    Remembering your post from last month, Nielk, your intention then may have been at odds with the spiritual effort you've been expending. Might it be useful to ask, What am I not supposed to do?

    Working on letting go (the way of the ego) is different from actually letting go. At least, that's the wisdom I hear in your earlier post.
     
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