Simple prayer about change, need an outlet

[CAcfs]

Dear God,

Why does change have to happen? What's the reason? Are You trying to make me better, or worse? Please help me to change for the better. Please have a purpose to all this. I try to trust You, but sometimes it is hard. Please improve me. I try to do good, but sometimes it seems to backfire. I try to lift people around me up, but sometimes it seems I do a bad job. Please bring me relief. I still trust in You, but I need a lot more work, and I would like to see good come from this. Please help me to keep striving to be a better person. Please bring me health and happiness. And I thank You for the things You have done for me. Though things are hard, I know I haven't been completely forsaken. Please bring me peace. In Jesus's name, Amen.

 

[maddietod]

Sorry if this sounds psychobabble-ish, but I saw the movie The Sessions last night. On the way home, I got smacked in the face with a flash about how the way he lived his life was transformative.........for other people. I admit to hating all of those stories about how profoundly disabled children come into this life as a gift........eg to help others learn compassion.

But here I watched this man choosing humor, and connection, and kindness, and I watched the ripple effect on some of the people around him.

I'm really sorry that it's so hard. I'm not trying to say that this is all actually wonderful and secretly "good for you." But in my hardest moments, it helps to look at my children, who have pretty much only known me as a sick person. I can sometimes see that they have practiced grace and gentleness and active listening for so many years that it's all a deep part of them now.

I pray for health and happiness for you.

 

[Nielk]

CAcfs,

We are all humans with feelings and yours have a lot of validity.

Your yearning for more understanding is clear. It is so hard to accept what we perceive as "unjust" suffering from a just God. I believe though that this yearning and search for meaning is what ultimately brings us closer to God.

I am impressed that you are thankful in your plea for what you do have. I think that this is integral.

I read your prayer. I heard your prayer. I understand your prayer.

 

[AFCFS]

I used to seek a reason for everything and sometimes even entertained the thought that I understood why things had happened or were happening. I kind of gave it up, not in a cynical way, more of just an acceptance.

I actually think my Faith has increased because I was able to remove much of the "I" as in "I understand the reason for this or that" out of the equation.

For me, the one thing I do understand is that God is in control and through Him all is as it is. Actually that is kind of comforting to me. I stick mostly with the Lord's Prayer and am fine with that.

When I get angry, frustrated, or simply just pissed off, I have found it better for me to rant to God than hide it as if I am pleased with the situation, e.g.:

"What is this - you are a terrible designer of bodies and minds, even I as a mortal can see the whole venture could have been made much simpler and not in need of such anguish. You put us here to suffer some, OK but it does not mean I have to like it and I am guessing that since You are Omnipotent that You know that it is no fun and You know that my brain and body would coalesce with my environment and provide You with the very rant that I now speak."

I know God understands. My Faith has become perhaps more robust and real, but also more deep and silent, not so quick to express it in a word but rather to live it in a life.