That sounds like depression talking. What makes you think that if you recovered to 80% that your brain wouldnt recover some as well? Usually when someone is recovering from this illness, usually their other symptoms improve some too. It is possible to have depression and not be able to feel anything. I understand about the disconnecting from reality and that... I was under so much stress with my ME at one point as things were sooo bad that I started disconnecting from reality. Feeling like I was loosing myself and knowing I wouldnt feel a thing if I did and then no longer care at all (as Ive been there before) was scary. (Im not suggesting that you have disconnected as a self preservation thing to the stress of your illness getting worst but its something to consider). I also know what it is like to dissociate and loose reality due to low blood to the head. I once lost reality to the point not only was I not feeling like I was in this reality no more that I started acting nuts just cause I felt invincible and like I could do anything at all.. it didnt matter as the world didnt seem real (as this reality no longer meant anything to me to act normal thou I was out in public at the time.. I was so out of reality that I tried to wanted to have sex and started to touch my boyfriend in public as I was soo high).. my vision went all weird too.. like the whole world expended and grew.. colours changed too and went brighter, vivid.. I went out of reality and like on an extreme drug high.... then I went to stand, took one step and passed immediately out on the floor (all this had happened due to lack of blood flow to my brain. I knew I needed to lay down the whole time but couldnt as there was nowhere in this this building I could lay). I came back to reality and came too and my body was jerking and seizure like and a crowd of people were around me (a short time later the ambulance rocked up who fortunately understood POTS and was able to carry me out to a car to be taken home). Anyway.. lack of blood flow to the brain can do very bad things to our bodies and minds!! even if we are too wacked out due to it to care. Fortunately I havent had an attack of POTS like that right before a pass out again. (the most dramatic symptom I now often get before a passout is going blind). I suggest due to your lack of blood getting to the brain.. to try Florinef to boost your blood volume (even if you dont have POTS)... maybe it would help you get more blood more to your brain.