I live in a constant state of this. I have been sick for only 8 months now and I have declined so immeasurably that almost all of my time is spent trying to go crazy. I mean that literally. My brain gets continuously worse on its own but if I overexert even the slightest I have severe, severe reductions in function to which I have made no recovery from. I'm so far from reality now I can't even tell there's anything wrong with me because I have no reality out there to compare to, nor can I even remember what reality feels like. The severe dissociation combined with psychosis and anxiety make unbearable a word that can't even touch this feeling. Some days I can't leave my house or can't go near water because I think the are a void of all time and existence. Sometimes I think my parents are plotting things against me. I go crazy because I feel all existence imploding on me. I can not feel time, the past, present, future or anything It's a hundred times worse than that, I just can't think up of the words to describe it. I don't know how much longer I can take this. Lately I have been contemplating suicide a lot because there is never any reprieve, ever. I'm not going to kill myself because I remember how much I used to love life before this started, plus I wouldnt do that to my parents. However, I'm starting to understand that I'm probably gong to be in some degree of this the rest of my life because of just how far I would have to go to mount any recovery to a point where I could live any shred of normalcy. They have talked to me about anti-psychotics but I can't tolerate any mind altering meds. I took Ativan for 10 days once and it took me 2 years to recover from it. I can't even tolerate 10mg Prozac. I simply don't know what to do anymore. I've only been sick for 8 months and I've declined this far already. If I were to recover 80% I would be in absolute misery- the darkness and vacancy in my brain is that bad. I'm 29, how am I supposed to live the rest of my life like this? I apologize for sounding so negative, I just don't know how to handle it anymore since I never make any improvement. And yes, I do basically all the protocols suggested. Most of which I did before I even got sick because of my healthy lifestyle. Are there any stories out there of people coming back from being this bad? Anything?