It almost seems to be a given that anyone dealing with CFS will at some point have to deal with an exceptionally difficult interpersonal relationship involving someone being critical of us for our health difficulties. I think the following two paragraphs are quite remarkable in that they succinctly describe the kind of person (or mentality) I believe many pwCFS either have dealt with, or will deal with at some point. Just having a good understanding (from a spiritual perspective) of the kind of person who turns on those close to them could be helpful for those of us who are faced with this type of situation. Best Regards, Wayne
Thanks Wayne for this insightful description. It is easier to deal with these type of personalities if one recognizes that it is an inherent weakness in their personality. It takes away the blame and shame, knowing that it's not our fault. It is their character flaw that makes them look at the world in a warped way. It also solidifies my feelings that one can't really change them or their opinions. It remains a very difficult situation to deal with, especially when one is feeling sick, weak, vulnerable and highly emotional.
Critical "Group Consciousness" Hi Nielk, All good points Nielk. I might add that in addition to individuals having this character flaw, it can also be quite pervasive in institutions where a "group consciousness" exists, such as in psychiatry (the Simon Wesselys of the world). It can also show up in an entire profession (Sexism in Medical Health Care), which is a pretty sobering thought, given how much we're all affected by it. Best, Wayne
And remember that this trait is just a part of a whole tapestry of personality. I was taken by surprise by someone I'm close to, when this suddenly surfaced. Because her more obvious personality traits are very kind and generous. When I got slammed, I realized that I'd always noticed a nitpicking complaining streak that seemed out of character. I had ignored at my peril a basic truth: if she's complaining about other people behind their backs, she's probably doing the same to me.
It's interesting that you mention that it's not always an obvious recognized problem. The person I am thinking of, also seemed (and probably is) very kind and thoughtful so it came as a big shock to me when they became "not accepting of" my illness. Then, I thought back and this person was always very opinionated. Thinks seem always either black or white to them. They either love someone or hate them. There doesn't seem to be a middle road. I've come to realize that this person harbors a lot of hidden anger. Unfortunately, this anger seems to be directed to me and my illness now. I try to rationalize that they just don't realize what they are doing but, I can't say that it's not hurtful.
This is an interesting discussion, thanks for bringing it up, Wayne. I must say that I've been guilty of being over critical of people. This was indicative of severe emotional pain, however, and wasn't actually what I believed at heart. It was more about projecting outwards the inner turmoil I was feeling on the inside.
